WomanSage Salon Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Woman Sage Events in mid-Orange County California I have accepted an invitation to participate on a panel on Tuesday, February 11, 2014, at the Woman Sage Salon, discussing dating, the importance of having friends, and other topics important to mature women. The Salon meeting location is in mid-Orange County, California, in the Center Club, near the Performing Arts Center. The time is 5:00 p.m. until 8:30 p.m. WHAT IS THE 'SALON'? The WomanSage Salons are monthly events, featuring lectures by local authors, discussion groups and a delicious dinner, where women come together to make new friends and in addition feel the satisfaction of contributing to the WomanSage Cares philanthropies. The Salon is also the perfect networking environment for business women to discover new contacts and promote their business!  A table is provided for business cards or printed materials to share with our attendees.  All are invited. To make reservations for the event and for directions: WomanSage.org

Dating women who have horses

A couple of weeks ago, in early January, 2014, I received an email from Gail that puzzled me. She wrote, "I think your comments regarding dating women with horses are quite unfair. Those of us with horses enjoy male company as much as our horses. Your friend seemed to have really met a loser who took advantage of him. Please don't stereotype us (horsewomen) all together. If a guy offers to take part with us it's really a plus."

My initial reaction was, "What the hell is Gail talking about?" And then it slowly donned on me. Fifteen years ago, or so, I wrote a newspaper column titled, "Avoid Single Women Who Love Horses." It's buried somewhere deep within my Finding Love After 50 website. I decided to share that column with you. Remember, it was written 15 years ago. 

Avoid Single Women Who Love Horses

I've often recommended to older singles that before launching themselves back into the dating scene, they should make a list of the qualities they seek in a mate.

The list need not be long, just honest. Qualities might include: trustworthiness, kindness, respect, affection--traits like that.

We might even include qualities to avoid--a person who is selfish, argumentative, drinks too much or who has too much dating baggage.

My friend Bruce in Laguna Beach, Calif., suggests another quality men might want to avoid: Women who are into horses.

Whoa, you shout. What's that all about?

Bruce speaks from experience. He says, "I've been involved with two women who would rather spend time with and/or give more consideration to their horses than a prospective relationship."

He added that he had just met a third women who hangs out with horses; he immediately galloped away from her. I suggested that he may be looking for love in the wrong place-around the stables-and might be better off seeking women in bookstores or in the produce section of his local supermarket.

I asked him what the problem was. Bruce explained: "Because the elite of these women look EXTREMELY good in those tight riding pants (like the one in the Anthony Quinn, Kevin Costner movie 'Revenge,') many of us guys will tag along into our new job as groomer, poop-shoveler, horse-truck driver (sometimes at our own expense) and only the Great Spirit knows whatever else."

Bruce related an experience with a horse woman. "I assisted a voluptuous lovely in delivering her horse to Winchester/Rancho, California, for a week-end 'seminar' in hunting and jumping. When Saturday was over, she asked me to spend the night in her motel room because 'the drive home was too long.' Later, the wide brim of her hat knocked out one of my contact lenses while dancing at a cowboy bar."

And then, the plot back at the motel thickened: "Guess what she did when she emerged from the shower and sat on the bed wrapped in a towel?" I was all ears.

Bruce said, "She telephoned her husband."

I covered my mouth in shock as Bruce continued the story. "She told her husband where she was, that she'd be spending the night, and yes, that I was still with her. My expectations for the evening changed in a hurry. I muttered to myself, 'Why don't you just tell hubby what my name is, what hotel room we're in, etc.'"

Bruce added, "It turns out the marriage was an arranged one for her residency status. Nevertheless, her horse took priority over any guy."

Bruce capped off his reasons for avoiding women who love horses. "I knew a lady who was still making payments on a DEAD horse. Some would rather ride a horse under any scenario than be with a lively guy."

We all are saddled with dating baggage, in one form or another.

So guys, when making your list, you might add: "Avoid women with horses--whether they're single women or not."

That column was completely tongue-in-cheek. But oh my, did I get a lot of flak back then from the women who have their horses at stables in San Juan Capistrano, California. They even boycotted my column for a while.

I responded to Gail, (who even has the word horse in her email address): "I wrote that column 15 years ago; I'm surprised you even found it on the internet. But Gail, I've mellowed. I've softened my position regarding dating women who own horses.

Why? I own Tutor and Spunky's deli in Dana Point, California, and recently hired a woman who owns horses. She's lovely, and a very nice person. And while there are days when she has to leave the deli early to go feed her horses, I think men would enjoy dating her. So, I've changed my tune to this: men should not avoid dating women who own horses, but they should not get the wrong idea when the woman suggests they go have a roll in the hay.

It amazes me what people can dredge up on the Internet. Here is a link to http://www.FindingLoveAfter50.com. 

Widow, 78, seeks mate

Widow, 78, seeks man to share life with and Tom's suggestions

Each year in early January, I often get emails from lonely singles similar to one that I received this week: "I was married for 45 years and am a widow of eight years.  I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, someone who needs me as much as I need him. 

"I am attractive, slender and live in a country-club atmosphere that I dearly love. I am 78, in very good health, active and wanting to live again, but I don’t know how to go about it. 

"My women friends that my husband and I traveled with have husbands and not much time for me. I don’t know where to find “girlfriends”--someone to have lunch or go to a movie with. I hope you can give me some ideas."

Emails like hers break my heart. I wish I had a magic wand that could bring lonely older singles together. But, it's not that easy. For older singles to find a mate, they have to work at it.

Here is what I shared with her.

Tom's response: "It sounds like you are living again, by being active and enjoying your country-club atmosphere. You can live a great life without a man. Even if you meet a man, it's not always a picnic or walk in the park. But as is often the case with people in their 70s and 80s (even 50s and 60s), they get stuck in a rut and don't meet new people.

"Finding a mate for a woman age 78 is particularly difficult (not impossible), the primary reason is that at 78, the ratio of single women to single men is approximately six-to-one or more.

"I don't tell you this to discourage you, but only to make you realize that being alone at this age is not your fault, it's just the way it is.

"How can you improve your chances of meeting a potential mate?        By expanding your boundaries and circle of friends beyond the ones you shared with your husband and beyond your country-club atmosphere. (Don't give that part of your life up. Who knows? A man can become a widower unexpectedly.)

"I suggest you sign up for two of my mailing lists. One, this Friday newsletter, titled "On Life and Love After 50," that is read by about 1,000 people across the USA, including 200-300 here in Orange County, California, where you live. While the newsletter is not exclusively written about finding love later in life, that is most often the focus. But sometimes I write about other items pertaining to life as we age.

"The other mailing list is sent out to Southern Orange County singles announcing our Meet and Greet gatherings on the last Thursday each month at my Dana Point deli. You most likely won't find a male partner there, although you might. But it would be a great place to meet new women friends.

"About 12 couples have formed as a result of meeting there, including one guy, now 93, who is in a "serious relationship" with a woman in her early 70s. At first she kept saying, "We're just friends. And then one night she came in and said, "We're an item, no longer just friends." I didn't pry into why things had changed or ask for any of the gory details, I am just happy that there are two less lonely people in the world.

"Two other ideas. Go to www.Meetup.com, a website that lists all kinds of activities in Orange County (and all over the USA for that matter). You could find an activity or two that you enjoy and most certainly would make new friends, particularly women friends.

"Also, there are several senior centers in south OC that are quite active, the one in Mission Viejo comes to mind. New potential friends await you there as well.

"Of course, there is the Internet, particularly www.OurTime.com, which is for the older set. However, there are lots of scammers out there trying to prey on lonely older women so I would be very careful using the Internet to date at your age. Lots of complications. Protect your assets and don't by into any lies that will be spun by what appear to be men interested in you."

"Regardless of what activities you pursue, you can make new women friends, and perhaps meet a guy, but it will take an effort on your part. It takes time, energy, a little money, and enthusiasm, and you must evaluate whether all the effort is worth it. Whether or not you meet a man, I can't say, but you will be enriching your life. Focus on finding the women friends, and then let life flow after that.

"Let us know what you decide."

Importance of getting out of the house and meeting new people

Importance of getting out of the house and meeting new people

Four Champs who inspire me

Happy 2014. One of our recurrent themes is the importance for older singles to get out of the house and involved in activities that interest them.

Sometimes, doing so leads to meeting a significant other and other times it doesn't. Regardless, what getting out and involved does is enrich one's life. It makes one a more educated, more interesting and a happier person. When singles do that, they develop new friends and appreciate life more than when sitting around and getting bored.

An example of our Champs getting out of the house and enriching their lives was demonstrated to me personally this past Monday afternoon when Champs Linda and Jackie, from Dayton, Ohio, and Xania, Ohio, respectively, popped into Tutor and Spunky's, my Dana Point, California, deli to meet me.

They hadn't arrived in Southern California by airplane or train. Rather, they arrived with Linda driving an RV and Jackie following behind her in her car. They had been traveling since Thanksgiving, stopping at places like the Arch in St. Louis (it was 10 degrees when they went up in it) and sites of interest in Arizona and New Mexico.

How it works for them: They locate an RV park (electricity required) and park the RV and live out of it like a hotel. Then, they do local sightseeing in Jackie's car.

They were on their way to an RV park in Santa Barbara, California, a couple of hours northwest of Los Angeles, to spend the winter. To help defer their costs, they are trading their time working at a nature preserve in exchange for complimentary parking of the RV.

We shared bowls of soup and chili while getting to know each other. They were thrilled with the culture and places they had seen so far. Both were rested and enthusiastic. Meeting them brightened my day.

Traveling by RV is no cake walk. They had blown a tire entering San Clemente and had to have it fixed at a tire store.

This summer, Linda parked her RV in the mountains of Colorado (Jackie was not along on this trip). When Linda needs some extra cash, she drives semi-trailer trucks to earn spending money.

                                                              Jackie  - Tom - Linda

Linda and Jackie inspired me. They are living life to the fullest--without men. I'm not sure any men their age could keep up with them. I am proud to have them as part of our Champs corps.

 
Part 2 - Other Champs who inspire me

Chris is in his late 70s. For years, he has been a dance host on cruise ships. A few years ago while on a cruise, he met Tina, from England, and they have been in a long-distance relationship ever since, while both maintaining residences in their respective countries. Chris just sent an email that he and Tina are off on another adventure for several weeks. No sitting around the house for him.

Carlene went through a divorce last year and moved to a new city. She wrote, "I found a church and two places to volunteer--within three days of being here. Knew I'd get the grumpies if I didn't find something to keep me busy.

"Then, I found out what activities are going on in the area--too many--and set out to pick what I liked and wanted to do. No decision was made to "meet a man" at anything I wanted to do.

"I have done more things in the past nine months than some people who have lived here for 30 years! Have made new women friends along the way and some nice men too. One man knew where I would be on Christmas Eve; he surprised me by coming to the Christmas Eve service--suit and tie--and asked me to sit with him.

"I expanded my 'borders' to include towns 15-50 miles away. Every time I get together with folks I hang out with, my first question is, "Where have you been and what's new and exciting that we should try?

" My involvement in my local communities has led to a part-time job I would never have imagined. I love it. It keeps me out of trouble and I am making more new friends in a community 13 miles from home.

"I spent Christmas alone--yes--a personal choice--a day of reflection-- and then on to the next adventure."

Kudos to the four of our Champs featured in today's article, who keep life interesting, and are an inspiration to me.