12 opinions on why dates disappear

                             On Life and Love After 50 Newsletter 

Starting today, Friday, October 11, 2013, Tom Blake's weekly newsletter will be posted in this blog. It seems that many of Tom's Champs--the people who have signed up for the newsletter--are not receiving the emailed copy, most likely because of the email filters on many servers. So, we shall make the newsletter available here.

You can add comments at the end of the post.

 

 

                         A dozen opinions on why dates disappear

Last week we featured Laura, who wondered why a guy she met on OurTime.com--who showed "genuine interest" in her--disappeared after three dates. She had hoped to get opinions from our Champs and you delivered. Here's what six men and six women said.

Wayne begins with astute comments, "There are many reasons both men and women (the door swings both ways) disappear. It may be something as simple as not connecting or an inability to understand and accept the responsibility of a healthy relationship.

"Some people are simply not very good at relationships or unable to make good choices for a companion. One common denominator is good manners. There is never a good reason for bad behavior. Men or women can be jerks at any age.. it's not limited to seniors!

"Even though it was painful at the time, Laura should be thankful the relationship ended early before she was invested more deeply emotionally and sexually.

"Be patient.. identify clearly the qualities you want in a relationship including what you have to offer.  Be realistic... if you are a "5" don't set your sights on a "10". Above all look for someone who is kind, treats you and others with respect and wants to be a good friend. All relationships get tested.. those based on sincere friendship have a chance to go the distance."

India said, "Sometimes these jerks are married and testing the waters. They may get caught or just cold feet and take the easy way out."

Ken said, "I don't like confrontation with women. I prefer to just fade away instead of arguing over why I don't want to date her again."

Adding to what Ken said, Dianne shared, "Men disappear when they aren't interested, and lie when women they are trying to dump run them down and corner them. Men generally do not enjoy 'relationship' conversations about what isn't working. It's like on the East coast where people are always saying, 'We'll have to get together for dinner' ... and don't."

Lawrence, "My guess is Laura's man bailed because she wouldn't sleep with him. Many people (not me) go by the Three-Date Rule."

Judie said, "Most logical reason he disappeared: He's just not  that into her."   

Jon wrote, "People disappear for a lot of reasons, some of them hard to understand except for the one who takes off. Often it has nothing to do with the one who is left."

Joanne said, "They haven't matured enough to be honest and don't know how else to exit. You are better off without them."

Terry stated, "It's difficult to tell a woman you have no interest. It hurts her feelings."

Gloria shared, "I've had the same experience so many times I could write a book on it. Lot of excuses from men. Don't spend your days wondering why a man disappeared."

Chris offered a male point-of-view, "This guy was looking for a quick score and when he realized it was going to take longer than he was willing to wait, he bailed. These jerks are looking for notches in their belt, nothing more. She was smart to hold off. She would have just become another notch."

Mindy ends today's discussion with sound advice for Laura, "They disappear because they aren't interested. Why? A thousand reasons. None matter. Move on."
 

                      End of the main newsletter for October 11, 2013

 
In section 2 of the newsletter today, Tom is asking readers for a small favor, if they are so inclined. Participation is strictly optional. For the last four years, his Dana Point, California, deli, Tutor and Spunky's, has won the prestigious "Best Sandwich" award in the Dana Point Times newspaper lantern awards voting. Winning the award helps Tom's deli in marketing and promotion. He'd like to ensure Tutor and Spunky's wins for the 5th straight year.

Follow this link: www.danapointtimes.com.  Look for the yellow vote box in the right hand column near the top of the home page. Click on the yellow box, continue to the page where you enter name, email address and age. Hit continue. Find the "Best Sandwich" category and enter Tutor and Spunky's Deli. Click at the end of the survey on "finish." If you'd vote for "Best Overall Customer Service" on the top of the finish page, we'd love it. It's easy as pie and I appreciate it.

Tom Blake