Meet and Greet gathering not a widow's "cup of tea."

A woman named Diane emailed me on Thursday afternoon, February 27, with a simple request: "Please place me on your Meet and Greet mailing list." I didn't read her email at the time because I was preparing my Dana Point, California, deli for our monthly Singles Age 50+ Meet and Greet gathering for the same evening.

Diane and a woman friend came to the Meet and Greet that night and introduced themselves. Before blending into the crowd, she mentioned that she was widowed a year and a half ago. She was very pleasant and quite attractive and I knew she would have no trouble making new friends, especially that night, because 65 people attended the event. I did not see Diane and her friend the rest of the evening.

After the Meet and Greet, when I got home, I checked my emails and responded to Diane's earlier email, by writing, "Good to meet you tonight; I've added you to the email list, as you requested."

The following Tuesday, March 4, Diane emailed, "It was a pleasure to meet you last Thursday at your Meet and Greet. Unfortunately, my girlfriend and I left shortly after our arrival for a few reasons. We decided for one, after attending two 'singles' functions (yours being the second) that they are not our cup of tea.

"To us, it almost feels like you are placing yourself on display...here I am, I'm single...Come and get me. There are other ways to meet the opposite sex through friends, and at different functions. But since you said that 14 happy couples have joined together as a result of your functions, I applaud you for your efforts and subsequent success stories. Oh, remove me from your mailing list."

No big deal. People sign up for and remove themselves from my email lists often. I usually don't correspond with them after that.

But I thought about what Diane wrote and decided to respond, saying: "I removed you from the mailing list. But let me say this. You are an attractive person, pleasant, and I think whether you like events like ours or not, you would have met a person of interest there sooner or later.

It is unfortunate you left so early, before the point in the evening when we have an open microphone where people can make comments. A woman named Joy who had attended our functions for more than a year came to the microphone and introduced her new significant other, a man she had met at one of our recent events. 

Joy is a widow. Greta and I feel she is an elegant woman, thoughtful, and lovely. She wanted to tell the other attendees that she had met her man at our event and how grateful she was.

 

                                        Joy and her new beau

That could and probably would have happened to you. But instead, you felt like you were on display and made the quick exit.

Wherever one goes in life where there are new people one has never met, one is going to be looked at and judged by people-on display, if you will. That's why people who care about themselves, and their appearance, always try to put their best foot forward, even when they go to the grocery store.

Our Meet and Greet events are more of a place to make new friends-men or women-and less of a place to seek a date. You and your girlfriend were not on display any more than the other 63 people who attended, and there certainly was no "come and get me" radar signal emanating from either one of you. Sorry it wasn't your cup of tea. 

Had you stayed for another hour or so, and given it a chance, as Joy had done, you would have likely realized that it was a lovely group of people, and not a meat market.

I wouldn't want anyone to attend who didn't feel comfortable being there. As you re-enter the social world recovering from your loss, I suggest you stop worrying about the "come and get me" issue, and just focus on having a smile and enjoying what life will bring.

To comment: tompblake@gmail.com

For Meet and Greet information: http:www.TutorandSpunkys.com

 Part 2  - Updates from last week's newsletter

Regarding Tom, the man who lives in Baja who finds meeting women difficult there: We put him in touch with a few Champs. Also, some Champs made great suggestions for him. Hopefully, he'll keep us posted. 

We also put a few Champs in touch with the woman making the documentary on dating after 50 in New York City. Nothing new to report.

I also mentioned last week that Greta and I are in Kenwood, in the heart of the Sonoma County wine country, cleaning out the home where my mom lived. Thanks to so many of you who sent suggestions on packing and paring down. We are enjoying the experience. When we get bogged down, we simply enjoy a glass of the exquisite Sonoma County wine.

Plus, we've been entertained most of the week by deer hanging around our backyard window. Can you see seven of them?

 

Enjoy your week-end

Tom