Friday, May 13, 2016

California widow in search of a decent man

California widow in search of a decent man
Finding decent love in our maturing years is a challenge

by Tom P Blake

A year ago, Sis, not her real name, contacted me saying she was discouraged
because a man she met on a dating site turned out to be married. Since then,
her luck has not changed a whole lot.

Last week, Sis wrote: “I attended my 50th high school reunion and connected
with a man I had a crush on in high school but never dated. He has been
divorced 16 years. I was hopeful about forming a relationship with him
because we both grew up in the same city, are both retired teachers,
and live eight minutes apart.

“But, it turned out we were not suited as romantic partners for a
 variety of reasons. We remain ‘friends’ and go on hikes together.”

Tom’s comment: It is good to have male friends to do things with.
So, some good came out of dating him even though a romantic relationship
 did not blossom.

Sis continued, “On Jan. 17th of this year, I had a blind date with a man
five years younger, arranged by friends. This man - I'll call him ‘W’ -
lives an hour away and is eccentric!

“However, we had a lot of chemistry and seemed to really hit it off.
He's been married and divorced twice - both brief marriages and now I know why.

“Initially, he came on very strong in a romantic sense. He gave me flowers, candy,
and wine; he wrote a song about me and was very enthusiastic and complimentary.
I was slower to have senior sex and held off being intimate until the 6th date.

“We had a lot of emotional connection or so I thought. The senior sex was great and he
continued being attentive and called and texted daily. We had wonderful, fun times
together. Then, we had a misunderstanding and then another one. I began noticing
he would run and hot and cold.”

Note from Tom: Sis included in her email a detailed explanation of the personality trait
of why people sometimes run hot and cold that she had read online. It clarified for her why
people act that way.

She added, “I don't think he had a nurturing childhood, as I did. I was married almost
39 years to my late husband and I have good conflict-resolution skills.‘W’ seems
lacking in those skills. I am now very confused and feel our relationship is doomed
because we can't seem to find ways to resolve issues as he just shuts down
and pulls away. It's beyond discouraging; it's downright depressing.”

Then, Sis added, “I could be happy with a decent man!”

What Sis wants in a decent man:

She said: “I'm not asking for much: just need the man to be healthy, sane,
stable, clean, know how to communicate, listen, keep his word, have a sense
of humor, be reliable, curious and KIND. A man doesn't have to be handsome
or wealthy for me!”

Then Sis described herself:

“I'm a decent woman with a lot to offer. I am all of those things I listed above
and more! I'm attractive, fit, a nurturer, and a good cook. I have a nice home and
many interests. I am well-read, fun-loving and love to laugh. I have no adult children
to cause problems and I am drama-free. I am not needy and don’t need a man
to live well. But, I want to share what's left of my life with a decent man.”

Why can’t this decent woman find a decent man? It seems the men she is
choosing aren’t decent, except her hiking pal. Darn, if they could only have
worked out the romance end of things, she’d be all set. Finding decent love
in our maturing years is challenging.

Here is the travel website:
Tom's Victoria Station Restaurant chain website

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