Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Internet dating: Two women's experiences

Last week's request for Champs to send in their Internet dating experiences brought many responses. It will take a few newsletters to share them with you. Today, we hear from two women.

The first one, sent by a Champ named Ruth in Wisconsin, caught my attention. Ruth said: "I think that much can be gained through persistent attempts at computer dating, and I believe that the type of site is so important."

I think Ruth is right about those two points. To be successful, it takes a lot of hard work, and choosing a site that suits a person's interests is also important. 

But there is one major piece of Ruth's story that worries me somewhat. I think you will know what that is when you read her story.

Ruth said, "A year and a half ago, I 'met' Gary, who resides in Nebraska, on Green Singles. We began emailing each other and soon were talking by phone. I am willing to relocate, so after many conversations and delightful insights about our mutual goals and things we would like to do, I agreed to move to where he lives."

"We will meet for the first time next weekend. I am driving out there and have many friends and family members excited and supportive to know how things turn out.

"Gary and I have agreed that after all this time, we will be happy if it turns out to be friendship only. At our ages, that is a huge blessing in life. Wish us luck!

"Green Singles is a good site for folks who like a green, organic type
lifestyle, which we both want. We look forward to working together on
the big garden and taking produce to the farmers markets in the area,
traveling together in the Fall, and finding a used trailer that I can
call my own which I will put on the property."

I think you might know what worries me just a bit about Ruth's story: 

She has never met the man in person. I have always advocated that people meet in person before making major relocation decisions.   
I responded to Ruth: "What are your respective ages? You are moving and you haven't met each other in person?"
Ruth's response made me feel a bit better. She wrote, "I am 70 and he is 68. I am moving out there because it fits with my need to be in a dryer climate for my health, plus it will be a great adventure to learn organic produce production, being part of the local farmer market scenes, and a chance to have a traveling companion.
"Meeting for the first time at his home, my friends will be with me,
and because we have been talking for a year and a half, about every
and all topics, sharing photos, goals, likes and dislikes, everything,
I feel OK about doing this.

"Not for the faint of heart though. I think we are good friends to begin with already, and that helps. I am ready for this move. It has been easy to make this decision; implementing it has taken a while though, financially, etc.

"We both have health issues (similar) and are empathetic with that
aspect of our relationship. I feel that I have so much to gain by
doing this, much to lose if I stay in the rut I have been in.

"I will be leaving to drive out there with a couple who will help with
driving, etc. on the 11th."

It will be interesting to hear how Ruth's situation works out. I hope they like each other.

Our second story today comes from Jane, who resides in Colorado.

Jane said, "I joined Match.com and also found that many of the men Match suggested were no longer active. If you look up the person by name, you can see how long it has been since he or she has been online. If a guy's profile says he was last on over 3 weeks ago, you can guess he is inactive.

"I also found that men have many more choices than women, and many men say they are looking for women several years younger, which also limits the pool. If I waited for someone to contact me first, I'd be waiting forever.

"Women need to be aggressive enough to send the first email; internet dating is not for the shy. You may not find a knight in shining armor, but if you're careful, you can avoid the imposters in tin foil.

"That being said, I did have some success at 64. Despite living in a small town that was badly flooded and isolated for a good part of last year, I met a retired professional man (67) who lives almost 50 miles away. We have similar backgrounds, and had similar 'war stories.' We've been dating for eight months and get along well. Where will it go from here? I have no idea, but I enjoy each day and don't worry too much about the future."

In both of these situations, it is interesting to note that the relationships began as long-distance. I think it's safe to say that neither of these couples would have met if it were not for the power and reach of the Internet.

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