Can relocating for a greener, healthier lifestyle be enough for someone you haven’t met yet?
By Tom Blake
Sometimes, decisions older singles make as a result of being lonely or wanting to change their lives are questionable.
Today’s story is about a 70-year-old woman from Wisconsin, named
Ruth, who falls under that category. Ruth asked for my opinion on her
plans to relocate and live with a 68-year-old man she found on the
Ruth emailed, “A year and a half ago, I ‘met’ Gary, who resides in
Nebraska, on a site called Green Singles. We began emailing each other
and soon were talking by phone. I am willing to relocate, so after many
conversations and delightful insights about our mutual goals and things
we would like to do, I agreed to move to where he lives.”
My initial reaction was: I guess that’s OK, assuming that Ruth and
Gary have spent enough time together to know each other well enough that
being together 24/7 will work for them. But then I read more of her
email. There was one major factor in Ruth’s story that troubled me.
She said, “We will meet for the first time on April 11. I will be
going out there with a couple who will help with the driving. I have
many supportive friends and family members excited to know how things
turn out. Gary and I have agreed that after all of this time, we will be
happy if it turns out to be friendship only. At our ages, that is a
huge blessing. Wish us luck.
“Green Singles is a good site for folks who like a green,
organic-type lifestyle, which we both want. We look forward to working
together on the big garden and taking produce to the farmers markets in
the area, traveling together in the fall and finding a used trailer that
I can call my own which I will put on the property.”
I responded to Ruth: “Let me be sure I understand. You are moving and you haven’t met him in person?”
She wrote, “I am moving out there because it fits with my need to be
in a dryer climate for my health, plus it will be a great adventure to
learn organic-produce production, being part of the local farmers market
scene and a chance to have a traveling companion.
“When meeting for the first time at his home, my friends will be with
me, and because he and I have been talking for a year and a half, about
every topic, sharing photos, goals, likes and dislikes, I feel OK about
doing this. Not for the faint of heart though. I think we are good
friends to begin with already and that helps. I am ready for this move.
It has been easy to make this decision; implementing it has taken a
while though, financially, etc.
“We both have similar health issues and are empathetic with that
aspect of our relationship. I feel that I have so much to gain by doing
this, much to lose if I stay in the rut I have been in.”
As a singles columnist for 20 years, I can’t fathom someone moving to
another town, let alone another state, to live with a person one has
never seen face-to-face. Why in the world didn’t she go visit him and
spend at least a weekend together before just packing up and moving?
What if they don’t like each other? What if he’s dangerous?
I do not advocate people making major life changes to be with a
person they have never met. I hope for Ruth her situation works out.
To comment, email Tom at email@example.com.
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