Widow and widower find love - choose not to remarry

Widow and widower find love, but not marriage

Five years ago, I published a book titled, How 50 Couples Found Love After 50. The purpose of the book was to show how 100 singles age 50-plus found love after 50, and to give hope to older singles that finding love later in life is possible, and to never give up looking.

The couples featured in the book are from all over the USA and Canada. Some of them I had met before, but most I had not.

One of the couples, Marcia and Russ, live in Sacramento, California. Last week, they stopped by Tutor and Spunky’s, my Dana Point deli, to introduce themselves. Both were widowed after 34 years of marriage.

Marcia, now 65, said, “I am a facilitator for a grief recovery group for widowed persons called Widowed Persons Association of California (WPAC). There are chapters all over California. We are not a dating service but a grief recovery group that has many activities for widowed people.

“I met Russ, now 72, while facilitating a workshop. We live together, but have chosen not to remarry. Instead, we had a commitment ceremony. We have two signed legal documents: one a co-habitation agreement and the other a medical-care agreement.”

When I asked how she introduces Russ, Marcia said, “I tell people that Russ is ‘the husband of my heart.’”

Russ said, “We have been together for six glorious years. We get along great and have traveled extensively, including trips to South America, China, New Zealand and Australia.”

Marcia said, “When we are not traveling, we are involved in our community. We love to bowl and play pool, and we attend Renaissance Society classes sponsored by Sacramento State University. We are on campus with the younger students, who seem to enjoy having a bunch of gray-haired freshmen mingling with them.”

Russ smiled and added, “We just went to a Woodstock revival party, which brought out many seniors from that generation. We just keep having fun, that’s what matters to us.”

Marcia said, “Widowed people that had happy marriages are wonderful companions, but they did not choose to be single. Even though Russ and I suffered through long and devastating illness of our spouses, we still had and have the history. The children, grandchildren and who we are, is permanent. Our ex-in-laws are very happy for us. I love his wife because she trained him well and he has no bitterness.”

Russ chimed in, “I love her husband because Marcia carries no baggage. We are creating our own history now, but at our ages we see that it is different than it was with our mates who fell in love with us in our 20’s and shaped who we are.”

In the book, Marcia is quoted: “I constantly hear from divorced women who date widowers and want them to get rid of the remnants of their marriages. These women should not date widowers, they are too insecure. I see many widowed couples, both widowed, who are very happy together in this phase of life but for many reasons cannot marry. I am very happy and lucky to have met a companion who likes to do the same things I do and thanks to his wife, is a low-maintenance male.

“We are having a ball and just enjoying each other.”

Tom’s comment: Marcia and Russ are embracing life in a beautiful way. Their relationship is an inspiration to older singles. They met because they were willing to get out and mingle with people who had had experiences similar to their experiences.  

How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 can be ordered as a hard cover book or E-book at Amazon.com. For an autographed copy, email me at tompblake@gmail.com. I will personalize a book for you. Cost will be $10.95, which includes the cost of priority mail shipping.