Widower is a model for all Champs - The Sands of Time

Widower is a model for all Champs -The Sands of Time

“GOOD SATURDAY EVENING, TOM” was the subject line of an email I received this past Saturday night.

The email read, “A widow who has been networked to me via my grief counselor wanted to read my poem The Sands of Time on your web site. She just called me to tell me it was not available. Has the poem been deleted?”

The email was signed, “Dave Southworth.”

Dave has been a Champ before Champs were called Champs. I have known him via email—we have never met in person--since 2002. At the time he was about 67. After he had been widowed, he wrote a poem called The Sands of Time, which he shared with me. I was so moved by the poem I asked if he’d like it posted to my FindingLoveafter50.com website. He said yes; it’s been viewed thousands of times since then.

Dave and I shared an added bond: he lives in Clare, Michigan, and I grew up in Jackson, Michigan.

On Sunday, I wrote back to Dave: “Here is what is going on with the Finding Love After 50 website. Four years ago, my website designer bailed on me and refused to give me the passwords so I could no longer edit the site—couldn’t add to it or delete from it or update the site’s links. The site went from being the top-searched site for the keywords Finding Love After 50 on Google to falling to Google’s page two. I held on to the site because the domain name is worth a lot. Because I could no longer edit the site may be why your poem page likely disappeared.

“Three weeks ago, I asked Alex, my new web guy to completely rebuild the Finding Love After 50 site, which is what he is doing. Your poem will be included. He may have removed the pages for the time being. I would never allow a poem as touching as The Sands of Time to slip through the cracks.”

Dave responded: “Since you posted my poem in December, 2002, I have referred numerous women and men who are widowed and experiencing barriers in their journey to healing to your website. It has been 14 years since we were first connected through Phoebe Oshriak, who remains a close friend.”

During those 14 years, several widows and widowers have told me how helpful Dave has been to them in their journey through their grief. He’s got a warm heart and a gentle spirit.

This past Monday morning, I checked for the poem on Finding Love After 50. It was still there! I was quite excited and wrote Dave.

“Found the poem, here is the link:

http://www.findingloveafter50.com/Poem_Southworth.html

I asked Dave, who is now 81, how he is doing, and asked for his permission to write about him in the newsletter.

Dave replied, “It would be an honor to appear in your weekly newsletter.

I was remembering several years ago when you asked me to write a newsletter article describing numerous interesting, actually hilarious dates with ladies from a dating site...and the rush of emails I received.

I use the word honor because 14 years ago I lost the love of my life;

10 years ago I beat prostate cancer and am cancer free; a year and a half  ago, I beat diabetes; one year ago this month, I won a battle with a heart attack, a heart attack that should have taken my life.

“Yet here I am today, disgustingly healthy, with my six-month nuclear stress test results being that of a 55-year-old man. What saved my life was I am blessed with a very strong heart muscle (Dave mentioned that he does 160 push-ups each day as a part of his exercise routine).

“I still live at my lake home with my kitty Miss Annie. I have several lady friends. However, I have not been blessed with a special lady.

“I restarted two books, am still writing poetry, periodic client work squeezed in between early morning kayaking with the loons singing their morning song, fly fishing, 5 children, 11 grandchildren, 9 great grandchildren. Yes, life is really good, Tom.

“God is not through with me yet. It is an honor for me to be what

HE wants me to be, all I can be. In one way or another, we are all models of life living.

Dave’s email: mcg@provide.net.

Part 2 – Two websites

By the way, I began a new site a couple of years ago so I could add new material. That is, Finding Love After 60, which is advancing nicely in the Google rankings. Yes, it’s all a little confusing, having two websites similar in name. The Finding Love after 50 site should have a bright new look to it within a month or so. The sites will contain different content and I will keep you posted.

For the time being, most of our newsletters are posted on the blog of the Finding Love After 60 website. There is a wealth of information on this site. 

How critical is chemistry in senior relationships?

On Life and Love after 50 newsletter

Tom P. Blake October 2, 2015

A widower needs advice. He wrote, "My question has to do with female chemistry.  My wife passed away suddenly two years ago. I was married for 50 years to the love of my life. I am 72.

"I met a lovely lady on Match.com and have been seeing her for four months. We both work so it is usually on the weekends when we get together. She was widowed  six years ago after a 37-year marriage to the love of her life. She is 65.

"We have an incredible number of things in common and wonder how we never met as we ran in the same circle of friends. I am the first man she has dated and she is the second woman I have dated. I liked the first woman I dated but we were from different worlds and we parted as friends after two months.

"The woman I am seeing now is terrific.  We talk a lot about our spouses, which seems to be the best "counseling" for both of us. We said from the beginning that we would be open and honest with each other.

"Now to that point of all of this: we are in no hurry to have sex but both seem to enjoy being together, holding hands, and cuddling very affectionately. Two weeks ago, after having dinner at my house and cuddling, she telephoned the next morning. She told me she was going to tell me this the night before but could not bring herself to do it, which is why she called.

"Her call was to tell me that she liked me and enjoyed my company and was not saying goodbye, but that she felt no real chemistry. This blew me away considering her behavior the night before. What do I do?

"Is there a magic bullet to light her chemistry or is there no real chemistry when you get to be so old?

"I really want to be with this lady but it is awkward knowing she doesn't feel the same way about me as I thought she did. I have always been a fighter for what I want and I want her in my life.

"Is female chemistry so different from men's? I don't know if what I feel is chemistry or just a strong longing. I think of chemistry of what I felt when I met my wife; maybe that was chemistry and lust. I was much younger then.

"Any suggestions would be better than anything I have come up with."

I responded: "I would not do anything different, at least for now. Enjoy her and see where it goes. It's good that you are attracted to her. You wouldn't be interested if you weren't attracted to her. There is no magic wand that you can wave.

"Yes, you want to be with her, but be a little less available and she might start to realize what she has in you, which might perk up her attraction for you. Just be cool about it and listen to what she has to say.

"I assure you! There is chemistry as you get older! Over time, if this lack of mutual attraction continues, it could become a deal breaker for you, then you will have to make a decision."

A week went by.  He had two more dates with her.  Her position didn't change. She told him that maybe her husband had treated her so well that she might never change.

He asked her to reserve Saturday nights as date night. But she had plans on two upcoming Saturdays.

I took a little stronger position in my second response. I said that at least she is being honest with him. He is the first man she has dated and perhaps she is simply proceeding cautiously. Or, maybe that spark just isn't there for her, which is what she said.

I said to him that a man of 72 has a strong chance of meeting a fine woman who would be attracted to him and perhaps he should spread his wings a bit. I would hate to see him wait around for her, only to find that she will never change and to have his heart broken again. Still see her but date around a bit; maybe check out Match.com again.

I think he is a little too available.  Plus, for a relationship to work, each person needs to make the other a top priority, and that includes from the chemistry standpoint as well.

I am curious what both women and men have to say here.

Widower dating: Responses to West Texas Widower Post

Widower dating: Responses to West Texas Widower Post

 

On Life and Love After 50 Newsletter

 

by Tom P. Blake

Rarely have I received as many comments as I did from last week's newsletter about Larry, 63, the widower of four months, who lives in a remote area of West Texas. Larry stated in last week's post that he doesn't want to be alone for the rest of his life. I asked Champs to send messages for Larry and you did, close to 40 of you.

Larry wrote, "I am still overwhelmed at the responses to my situation; I did not think that my problem was much different from anyone else's. I was expecting a few reactions, not 20+."

Even I have learned from Larry and from so many of the sage comments from Champs. There has been so much warmth and wisdom shared that I hope I can do it some justice today. We don't have room to include what everybody wrote so I've picked a few to feature. But they were all good. Many who contributed are widowed, both men and women.

Karla said, "I think four months is way too soon to start dating. Larry is likely still grieving, and his ranch is probably full of memorabilia, which is normal. However, that would probably be a turn-off for any prospective new relationship.

"Personally, I won't date a man who hasn't been widowed for at least a year and probably two years. I say that because I've dated recent widowers, and all they've talked about are their deceased wives and their lives together.

"I question dating online so soon. But, this week, I've seen ads for an online cowboy dating site. Just Google 'cowboy dating sites.' There are several."

Manu said, "Similar to Larry I explored my interests-golfing was not for me but I did try-and am now involved in singing with a city-wide gospel choir and bee keeping. Finding out who YOU are is always first before you explore sharing your life."

Virginia, from California, said, "Larry would be well advised to move forward towards the goals you so clearly stated, as soon as his mourning process will allow him. 

"Although he feels a sense of loss and wants to replace his mate, he is now (and will be for a year or longer), in a very vulnerable state of mind. Four months is a short time.

Kit, Wisconsin, agreed with Virginia, "The problem is he is a prime suspect to be taken advantage of; I wish him luck but he is very vulnerable."

Karen, a widow from Michigan, wrote, "Two years ago, my 65-year-old husband died and I came to the same realization as Larry. Because I am used to doing research in my job, I took myself on as a client and researched the heck out of the early years of widowhood. That in itself made it easier (to some degree) to go on. It is helpful to know one is grieving 'normally,' even though one's world is anything but normal.

"Loneliness isn't a good reason to begin dating. Begin dating because you meet someone you want to get to know better, not because you are lonely.

"Many men think they are ready around the 3-4 month timeframe. They try it out and find out it is too soon. You've got to do the hard 'work' of grieving before you can go forward in a happy new life. I met a wonderful man around the one year mark.

"Larry says he is fit. To meet new people, he might try a gym or community center with physical fitness opportunities or take part in some 5k or 10k walks or runs. Also volunteer at those events to help register people on race day or hand out fruit (or water). That is how I met some wonderful men."

"Larry, please know there is a good life waiting for you."

Art, Florida, emailed, "I was widowed in October, 2007, at 69, after a 29-year marriage. It took about four months to begin looking at the Internet dating sights. I am fortunate I live in a very busy area in South Florida. I joined Plenty of Fish and OKCupid.

"For the next few years, I met and dated at least 40 women through the Internet dating sites. In June, 2013, I met Joanie on POF. Since that first date, we have taken five cruises. I bought us each an infinity ring last year, and have been invited to a number of her family holiday events, and consider her to be my forever sweetheart and the queen of my heart.

"My advice to Larry: never give up, and use some creative thinking to find someone to explore the rest of your life with."

Cheri said, "A fellow who served his country and now a volunteer fire fighter sounds to be a person of interest. Put me on the list of writers to Larry."

There were many more great responses; we just didn't have room for them all.

More about Larry

I've gotten to know Larry over the last week as we've corresponded often. He explained why he's so protective of the ranch. His grandsons will be the eighth generation to hold the land. "Almost every last one of them is buried on the ranch. It isn't the land, it's the heritage," he said.

Larry said so many women asked to see a photo that he mustered one up and gave me permission to include it as well.

 

Larry - widower - West Texas

                                            

But what Larry wrote to me on Wednesday is what really grabbed me. This man is a true soldier with a big heart: "Most of my adult life was spent as a soldier; I still am a soldier in the strictest sense. I was trained to come to grips with the possibility that I might die as a soldier and die in a tough way in a faraway place. That is what goes with the territory.

"You just accept that it can happen, you put on your game face and go. And soldiers know that their buddies on their left and right may die as well.

"But nothing prepared me for the death of my best friend and the love of my life. I'm having some problems now in finishing this, so all I can say is thanks to all of you for your help. I just hope that I deserve it and maybe can return it myself someday."

I am proud of all of our Champs.

 

For more articles, visit www.FindingLoveAfter60.com

 

 

Widower from West Texas wants to restart his life

"On Life and Love After 60" newsletter

by: Tom P. Blake

Widower from West Texas wants to restart his life

I received an interesting email from a 63-year-old widower this week. He would like to meet a nice woman. I am sharing his story and would like Champs to respond to his situation. Who knows? There might be a potential candidate within our group who would enjoy exchanging information with him.

Larry wrote, “I am still trying to restart my life; my wife of 40 years died of lung cancer in early February. I’m coming to terms with my new reality, slowly, and have decided that living alone for x number of years is not for me.

“My problem is that I live in a very small town in a rural area of West Texas, and consequently, my prospects here (of meeting someone) are virtually nonexistent.

“Moreover, I can’t move as I am doing my best to preserve my daughter’s inheritance, including a ranch, house, etc. I’ve looked at online dating/matching sites and have been less than impressed with the way they operate. I have told some close friends of my intention to get back into dating and hope they may eventually be able to help.

“As it stands now, I honestly don’t see any practical way of meeting someone who would be remotely interesting (Tom’s words: “or who would be interested in such a remote environment).”

“I am just wondering if I’ve overlooked other options, angles, etc. I am 63, but feel 43, am a retired US Army officer, a volunteer firefighter, have one adult, married daughter. Would appreciate your advice as I feel like I have hit a wall.”

Tom’s response: Larry, let’s look at the positives in your situation:

- First, you were a good husband who stood by your wife for 40 years. Be proud of that and realize she would want you to be happy so pursue being happy with her blessing.

-At 63, you are young and since you feel like 43, you are likely in great physical shape. An attribute that single women appreciate.

-As a retired Army officer, you likely have a pension and you own property so you likely are financially ok. That is another plus.

-And most important, you realize you don’t want to spend your remaining years by yourself. Your grief is lifting a bit. As Gloria Estefan sang after her tour bus crashed, “Coming out of the dark.”

So, you have a lot going for you.

But, you are shackled by your own thinking. That is understandable with what you have gone through; after all, your wife has only been gone for four months. But you can change your thinking and I feel you are taking the first steps to do that.

Yes, it will be very difficult to find a woman under the circumstances you described because there aren’t many who live near you. And, if you did find someone, would you be interested in her? And would she be willing to live so remotely? And since you don’t want to use Internet dating, you are going to have to go where the women are.

So, rethink using the Internet for dating. Dab in it, give it a try, and see for yourself. Maybe start with Match.com. Don’t expect miracles.

Next, preserving your daughter’s inheritance. Do not sacrifice your chance at being happy by remaining a hermit or recluse. That is ridiculous. Work something out with her. Let her and her family take over the ranch now, and you get away and travel or go live in a city like Dallas or Houston. Have an agreement that you can always come home and stay for a while. Maybe they can pay you a stipend or work out some other arrangement.

If she is not willing to do that, then she probably doesn’t want the ranch after all, so consider renting or selling it so you are not shackled by having to stay there just for her.

The most important thing you can do is to get away from the ranch, take some trips, take a cruise, go visit some old Army buddies, and expand your life. By using the Internet for dating, you might meet a woman in another city or state and you could go visit her. I bet Joanne from Albuquerque, whom we wrote about last week, would be willing to show you around her city.

Your fate now is in your hands. Make it a priority to get away. I imagine there will be some women Champs who would enjoy corresponding with you. If they email me, I will forward their emails to you. Please keep us informed. Another option for Larry is to read my ebook, Widower Dating: Gold mine or Mine Field. The book can be found on smashwords.com, or in the bookstore at the link on the Finding Love After 60 website.

Link to Finding love after 60 website

Widower says this column is written for women

On Life and Love After 60

By Thomas P. Blake  November 7, 2014

A widower says this column is for women

Ellen, a Champ and long-time friend of mine, lives in the Pacific Northwest. She and her partner Paul have been together for three and a half years. Ellen wrote, “We sent last week’s newsletter to a relative who is newly widowed after 60 years of marriage. He is a great guy, outgoing, in good health, handsome, financially secure, and quite a catch at 80.

“He has just started seeing a woman he knew from church.
It seems to be moving quickly. She is twice divorced, 18 years younger, with a 27-year-old son living with her, who doesn't drive. That first time with someone after being widowed is so powerful, you're coming from a place of starvation and it feels sooooo good.

“He commented that your newsletter is mostly for women. I noticed that all the comments in this one were from women. I know the newsletter could be beneficial for him.”  

I told Ellen that her email is what inspired today’s column. Her widower friend is correct in a way; the newsletter is primarily written for and read by women. The reason: Approximately 80 percent of newsletter subscribers are women, and they are the ones who respond with questions, comments, personal experiences and observations, as you did today.

It’s always been this way, going back to the column’s roots.

My first column, titled, “Living alone with only my dogs for company,” ran in the local Dana Point, California, newspaper on July 4, 1994. I had gone through an unexpected divorce and had captured my thoughts on paper. The material had a-woe-is-me, I-got-screwed-in- my-divorce, and younger-women-won’t-date-me, flavor to it. I showed the two editors, who were women, my material. They liked the male-point-of-view--no men were writing about love in those days--and gave me a chance.

What those two editors didn’t tell me was they privately felt the women readers of Orange County would find my material so male-slanted and controversial, it would stir them up big time. It did. I remember the first reader response. A woman wrote, “Who is this sniveling puke?” Another said, “Why is it that middle-aged geezers want to date 20-year olds?” Soon, we were off to the races and the column was in 10 local papers. After that, it ran in the Orange County Register for eight years.

Initially, I estimated the readership was 70 percent woman. As I’ve grown older, the percentage of women readers has increased.

According to Census statistics, by age 60, the number of single women in the USA outnumbers the number of single men by approximately three-to-one. At age 70, it's closer to four-to-one. By age 80, six-or-seven to one. There are simply many more single women than single men in the later years.

I see similar ratios at the Meet and Greet singles events I’ve hosted at my deli for two and a half years. There are almost always two to three times more women than men who attend. And I need to keep replenishing with new men because women gobble them up and then don’t want their new boyfriends to attend any more. I know of approximately 15 men who don’t come back because they met their new main squeeze there. And sadly, two of our regular guys have recently passed away.

When men respond to the newsletter, or send in questions or opinions, they often make very valid points. I usually use their information because women still want to hear the male point-of-view. Some of the men I have recently quoted--Jon from Olympia, Washington, Ken and Chris from Orange County, California, and Art from Florida, for example--really hit the nail on the head with their comments.

And then there are some men who make no sense at all, but not many.

From what Ellen wrote about her widower relative, it sounds like he is moving quickly. But, who am I to judge if this is right or wrong? While his new woman friend is 18-years-younger, he may be happy with her and willing to accept her 27-year-old son as part of the package. I would just caution him to protect his assets and to ensure his estate plan is written the way he wants it.

Still, the widower could benefit from newsletter information that might help him avoid making mistakes that he would later regret. I published an ebook that could be helpful to him titled, “Widower Dating. Gold Mine or Mine Field?” That can be downloaded to one’s computer or reading device at www.Smashwords.com.

While I am on the subject of this newsletter and that it is read primarily by women, a somewhat related issue was presented to me at last week’s Meet and Greet. A woman I had never met approached me and handed me a folded, hand-written note. I was busy so I put the piece of paper in my pocket for later reading.

At home, Greta said she had seen the woman hand me the note and was just curious, of course, about its contents. We read it together. It said: “What do you think about doing a ‘His’ and ‘Her’ point-of-view in each of your articles? I’m 59 and would be interested writing it if there is an interest.”

My thoughts on shared writing of this column: Every week I include at least one woman’s point-of-view, usually more than that as Ellen pointed out. The last thing I need is to try to co-ordinate weekly articles to include one exclusive woman’s point-of-view. There isn’t time or money to do that.

Also, why would I--after 20 years of scratching out these columns and newsletters every week on own--be willing to allow someone to ride on my hard-earned coattails? Would doing so make the column more enjoyable to read for women, my primary support group? I don’t think so.

Besides, my current newspaper editor, also a woman, is the one who decides how the newspaper column will be formatted. The woman who wrote the note would have to approach her. And, the big boss, the newspaper publisher, hired me because he wants the male-point-of-view.

So, if anything, I need more male-points-of view in my columns. And believe me, getting them is as hard to come by as getting new men to attend our singles functions.

But that doesn’t mean I will stop trying. 

Widow and widower find love - choose not to remarry

Widow and widower find love, but not marriage

Five years ago, I published a book titled, How 50 Couples Found Love After 50. The purpose of the book was to show how 100 singles age 50-plus found love after 50, and to give hope to older singles that finding love later in life is possible, and to never give up looking.

The couples featured in the book are from all over the USA and Canada. Some of them I had met before, but most I had not.

One of the couples, Marcia and Russ, live in Sacramento, California. Last week, they stopped by Tutor and Spunky’s, my Dana Point deli, to introduce themselves. Both were widowed after 34 years of marriage.

Marcia, now 65, said, “I am a facilitator for a grief recovery group for widowed persons called Widowed Persons Association of California (WPAC). There are chapters all over California. We are not a dating service but a grief recovery group that has many activities for widowed people.

“I met Russ, now 72, while facilitating a workshop. We live together, but have chosen not to remarry. Instead, we had a commitment ceremony. We have two signed legal documents: one a co-habitation agreement and the other a medical-care agreement.”

When I asked how she introduces Russ, Marcia said, “I tell people that Russ is ‘the husband of my heart.’”

Russ said, “We have been together for six glorious years. We get along great and have traveled extensively, including trips to South America, China, New Zealand and Australia.”

Marcia said, “When we are not traveling, we are involved in our community. We love to bowl and play pool, and we attend Renaissance Society classes sponsored by Sacramento State University. We are on campus with the younger students, who seem to enjoy having a bunch of gray-haired freshmen mingling with them.”

Russ smiled and added, “We just went to a Woodstock revival party, which brought out many seniors from that generation. We just keep having fun, that’s what matters to us.”

Marcia said, “Widowed people that had happy marriages are wonderful companions, but they did not choose to be single. Even though Russ and I suffered through long and devastating illness of our spouses, we still had and have the history. The children, grandchildren and who we are, is permanent. Our ex-in-laws are very happy for us. I love his wife because she trained him well and he has no bitterness.”

Russ chimed in, “I love her husband because Marcia carries no baggage. We are creating our own history now, but at our ages we see that it is different than it was with our mates who fell in love with us in our 20’s and shaped who we are.”

In the book, Marcia is quoted: “I constantly hear from divorced women who date widowers and want them to get rid of the remnants of their marriages. These women should not date widowers, they are too insecure. I see many widowed couples, both widowed, who are very happy together in this phase of life but for many reasons cannot marry. I am very happy and lucky to have met a companion who likes to do the same things I do and thanks to his wife, is a low-maintenance male.

“We are having a ball and just enjoying each other.”

Tom’s comment: Marcia and Russ are embracing life in a beautiful way. Their relationship is an inspiration to older singles. They met because they were willing to get out and mingle with people who had had experiences similar to their experiences.  

How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 can be ordered as a hard cover book or E-book at Amazon.com. For an autographed copy, email me at tompblake@gmail.com. I will personalize a book for you. Cost will be $10.95, which includes the cost of priority mail shipping.

Walking away from someone you love

On Life and Love after 50 newsletter

by Tom P. Blake                  June, 2014

Walking away from someone you love
 

Loving someone who doesn’t love you takes its toll. A woman named Cheryl is in that situation, which she describes as “an emotional roller coaster.” She contacted me this week, asking for my opinion.

Cheryl wrote, “I have been seeing a widower for two years. I love him dearly. From the start he has told me he will never marry again or live with anyone. I thought his feelings would change as time went on. But this will never happen.

“I don't want to end the relationship. I care too much to walk away from him, but I would love to have more! He always tells me that he would understand if I found someone else. That I deserve more, that he has nothing to offer me. He said it would hurt him, but he would understand! I hate when he says this to me! I would love to marry him. But I know that will never happen.

“I have not met his grown children. He told me it's to protect me in the event they were not receptive of me. I told him I don't expect them to fall all over me, but that they might be happy to see that their father has a woman that makes him happy!

“My focus is on his happiness. I need for him to show me that I am an important person in his life, and that he is proud of it!”

My response to Cheryl: “Your email describes your frustration vividly. I will comment since you asked, but his may not be what you want to hear, but it’s the reality as I see it.

“Did the widower tell you he will never marry or live with anyone again because he misses his deceased wife? Or, simply because he doesn’t want to? I ask because his being a widower may have nothing to do with his not wanting to live with or marry you.

“You felt you could change him. That’s a mistake people often make. We can’t change people, they have to change themselves.

You say you care too much to walk away. But if you don’t, you will be writing me a similar email in a year, or in the future sometime. Something has to change on your end.

Give him credit; he has been honest with you. When someone says he will understand if you find someone else, that he has nothing to offer you, he means it. But, you keep hanging on. That’s your choice.

“In two years, you haven’t met his grown children, which is a huge red flag. He’s doing that to protect you? No, he’s doing that to protect himself.

“Your focus is on his happiness. That is a major problem. Your focus needs to be on making yourself happy.

“You need for him to show you that you are important to him and that he is proud of you. That is not going to happen. He has told you that and his actions have repeatedly reaffirmed that.

“Walking away from a person one loves because the relationship isn’t evenly balanced is one of the most difficult things a person can do. But, for things to change, that’s what you have to do.

“Perhaps you should take an interim step. Take a break from seeing him. Get focused on something else. This is not game playing, or a tactic some call “shun mode.”  It’s to give him time to realize that he does care for you. 

“If you decide to walk away or take a break, be prepared to be lonely, sad, miss him and possibly lose him. But also know that you are doing so because the relationship is not providing you with what you want. Perhaps someone else will come along who will fulfill those needs, and you will look back and say, ‘I did the right thing.’”

Cheryl responded that she’s afraid of losing him if she takes action. She says he tells her that he is insecure because he is older than she. She said, “He is an extremely young 73 and I am 63. I believe age means nothing.”

 

I agree with Cheryl. The age difference is not the issue here. The problem is: she is making herself too available, not getting what she wants in return, and she’s putting up with it. The ball is in her court. 

Link to Finding Love After 60 website