Adversity inspires San Clemente, California, woman to write book

Picket Fence Media week of July 18 - 25

On Life and Love after 50

Column by Tom P Blake

Adversity inspires San Clemente woman to write a book

The underlying message in my previous article--opportunity often arises from adversity—struck a chord with several readers.

Karen, San Clemente, who has had heavy adversity in her life, emailed a response that inspired me.

She wrote, “Your last article focusing on opportunity and adversity had an impact on me. I fit your over-50 profile.”

Karen married her college sweetheart the summer after they graduated in 1976. They had two sons. She loved being a homemaker.

She said, “My husband Mike climbed the corporate ladder. Our lifestyle got bigger and better. Then Mike was diagnosed with cancer at age 39 and was given 3-4 years to live. That was unacceptable to us. We'd heard about bone marrow transplantation, and decided to go for it. So we swapped the death sentence for a life sentence. 

“Mike's goal was to help his young sons grow to manhood. He lived for 18 years after the transplant. He lost the career, so we swapped roles and I became the bread winner. Forget about feminism and the women's movement; it was time for me to change gears and pay some bills.

“At age 56, I was widowed. I had two amazing sons, a promising career, good health, and a tremendous desire to live my life to its fullest. I took care of myself, attended support groups, and eventually found myself leading them.

“After a few years, I had revved up the career, joined Match.com, gained two beautiful daughters-in-law, changed careers, joined networking groups, sold the house, and moved to the beach. I had two astounding grandbabies, traveled, dated some wonderful men, retired, and got active in Toastmasters and Rotary. I worked my body/mind 4-5 times per week, gave motivational speeches, joined Meetup.com, and cherished some unbelievable friends.”

Karen said her friends often told her she should write a book. But she balked, she felt people wouldn’t want to read about her sad story, even though she had overcome adversity.

“And then,” Karen said, “my older son, Donovan, died of cancer last summer at age 37. Adversity? I got it. Sometimes, I think I'm way over-qualified in the adversity department.

"Your article, In Life, Opportunity Often Arises from Adversity, made me think, maybe I should write a book. Not only for myself, but for others. I believe I have the passion and the ability to write. I was sitting in sunlight when I started this message. Now I'm in the dark.

“I could use some advice. Have you ever thought about mentoring someone?” 

I responded to Karen: “Yes, you are ‘over qualified’ in the adversity department. My heart goes out to you, and your courage with what you have been through.

“Sometimes we don't see the opportunity that arises until time has passed, and that is what is happening with you. It likely is time for you to write your book.

“You have walked the walk, losing both your husband and son. You are an expert on this topic. Writing can be cathartic and helpful to you and to others who have faced adversity or are doing so now. Plus, you are energetic and have a creative way with words.

“As far as mentoring you in writing, yes, I can help get you started in the right direction.”

Karen said she will start writing; she already has a working title for a book. She explained how that came about: “Last summer I was sitting in the street at a small-town parade with my two-year-old grandson sitting in my lap. He was SO darned excited to see another vehicle with flashing lights. Out of his beautiful mouth: ‘Nana, look at what's coming!’ Yep, that's the title: Look at What's Coming.”

We look forward to Karen sharing her book with the world.

This article appeared in:

San Juan Capistrano Dispatch

Dana Point Times

San Clemente Times

Overcoming adversity with opportunity

On Life and Love after 50 Newsletter - July 15, 2016

Tom P Blake
When I write a newsletter, I never know what reactions might come from Champs, the name I have given to my subscribers. Will the message strike a chord with some? Might others think it’s a yawner? Take last week’s column, for example. The topic was my 23 years of writing about dating and relationships for people 50+, but there was a life lesson running through the article.

Toward the end of the column I wrote, “The most valuable lesson I’ve learned: opportunity often arises from adversity and it’s up to us as individuals to recognize the opportunity and make the best of it, although we may not see or understand it until months or years later.”

And that paragraph hit home for lots of people.  Many of our Champs have suffered through adversity and some are in the midst of it currently. Here are the comments from four women Champs:

One woman, age 67, wrote, “I’m about to go through adversity, and wonder if opportunity will find me. I am running out of my invested money, IRA, and sale of my house, and will be broke by the end of October. I don’t qualify for Social Security because I was a stay-at-home wife and only earned 32 credits in my working years. You need 40…I’ve had a hip replacement and every joint is loaded with arthritis, especially my feet and now my knees, so I can’t work. My relatives refuse to help me...”

Note from Tom: I wish stay-at-home moms and non-working younger women could read the above paragraph. Yes, I understand how important it is to raise the kids properly. But, these women in their younger years need to be thinking of what is going to happen to them financially in the future, especially if they end up being on their own someday. Reaching the Social Security eligibility status is very, very important. They need to work and build the credits so they will have that financial assistance when they get older. This woman is in a difficult position. Will an opportunity come along for her? Somehow, she's got to find a way to make it work.

Kathy from Kingman (Arizona) wrote, “I started reading your newsletters when I was single and although I married 1.5 years ago, I still enjoy them. I was married for 20 years, divorced for four years, and after trying online dating, and a few dates on my own, and reading all the goings-on of your Champs, I remarried my ex. There is something to be said about knowing what you are getting into.”

Note from Tom: When I asked Kathy why she and her ex remarried, she explained they had both gone through big-time adversity—serious health issues—and decided to seize an opportunity to overcome their adversities. The opportunity was remarriage. We may feature her story in a future newsletter because it is fascinating and inspiring.

Another woman, 75, didn’t get into what her issues are, whether adversity is the topic, but she wants to discuss it. She wrote, “I am interested in counseling by email and would like more information about doing that.” I suggested she send an email and based on that, I would quote a fee and tell her if I felt I could help her.

She wrote, “I do not have the email ready describing my situation. I will write an email in a succinct, yet understandable way.”  I told her that by being succinct, it will help her to focus on her issues.

Karen, San Clemente, Ca., said, “Adversity? I got it. Sometimes I think I’m way over-qualified (in the adversity department).”  When her husband got cancer at age 39, they tackled it together. She added, “He lost the career, so we swapped roles and I became the bread winner. Forget about feminism and the women’s movement; it was time for me to change gears and pay some bills. Then, at age 56, I was widowed.”

That, of course, was enough adversity for any person in a lifetime. Then, last summer, her oldest son died of cancer at age 37. When she read last week’s newsletter, she emailed, “‘Opportunity can grow out of adversity.’ You’ve made me think…Maybe I should write. Not only for myself, but for others.

“Opportunity? I believe I have the passion and ability to write. I was sitting in sunlight when I started this message. Now, I’m in the dark.  I could use some advice, Tom. Have you ever thought about mentoring someone on writing?”

Note from Tom: We corresponded back and forth. I strongly recommend she write about how she overcame adversity the first time, and how she is seeing the opportunity through writing to overcome her second adversity. She’s a pretty remarkable woman and I told her I’d be honored to mentor her in her writing opportunity. Writing is what helped me overcome adversity; perhaps it will help her.

One thing about overcoming adversity with opportunity needs to be restated. It may be months or years before the opportunity becomes apparent. A person won’t see it or understand it while he or she is in the midst of experiencing adversity, that person will be too occupied with trying to heal and getting his or her life on track. It's nice to look back one day and say, what happened to me back then was difficult, but in the long run, I made it out in great shape. 
San Juan Capistrano Dispatch Article on Karen

When I met Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali)

When I met Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali)

On live and love after 50

By Tom P Blake                             June 10, 2016

Today, June 10, 2016, Muhammad Ali was laid to rest. Our country lost a legend. I had the pleasure of meeting him when his name was Cassius Clay. The occasion was the 1960 Rome Olympic Games where he won the light-heavyweight gold medal in boxing.

That summer of 1960, I traveled for 85 days throughout Europe with four other guys. We slept in a VW bus, which we had picked up at the VW factory in Hannover, Germany. We spent the last 17 days of the trip living at a campground outside of Rome, driving into the city each day to take in the Olympic Games.

I was 20, and kept a dairy of the trip. After seeing Cassius Clay box in a preliminary round, I wrote in the diary, “Clay is quite promising,” perhaps the biggest understatement of my life.

The four of us got tickets to the September 5 boxing finals at the Pallazo della Sport and watched along with 16,000 others as Henry Crooke, Wilbert McClure and 18-year-old Cassius Clay won gold medals for the USA.

One of the four men riding in our bus, Mike Natelson, was a swimmer for The University of Michigan. Mike and I had been classmates and swimming teammates at Jackson High School, Jackson, Michigan.

A few of Mike’s University of Michigan teammates were on the USA Olympic swimming team. So, we got to interact with them often at the Rome Olympic Village and at some restaurants near to the Village. After the games were over, if USA team athletes wanted to stay in Europe to travel, they were allowed to sell their tickets on the Pam Am charter back to the USA.

For the four of us, our scheduled return flight was on a KLM 707 from Amsterdam. But, we wanted to stay at the games as long as we could. To drive to Amsterdam would take three days. So, we scrounged our money together and bought four seats on the Olympic charter for $120 a ticket from some of the athletes.

The charter plane was not a jet, but a 4-engine job. It took forever to get to the states. Mike Natelson slept on the floor of the plane a good share of the time. We made a refueling stop in London.

We met Cassius Clay on the charter flight. My memory of him was that he was talking a lot and was very ebullient. He was happy to meet and talk to anybody and everybody on the flight.

My seatmate on the flight was Donna de Verona, a 13-year old swimmer who had made the team as an alternate. In London at the duty free shop, she wanted to buy a bottle of booze for her father as a gift and she asked me what to buy. I told her Beefeater’s Gin. Sadly, she dropped the bottle on the concourse when we got to the states. In the Olympic games four years later, she won two gold medals and became very well known as a sports commentator and athlete.

The scene I remember the most about Clay was when the plane landed in Boston, where we went through customs. Cassius was wearing his gold medal around his neck, as were all the athletes who had won medals were encouraged to do. When he opened his suitcase for the customs agent to inspect it, he put the medal right on the top of his clothes so the agent would see that first. The agent waived him through immediately. As I recall, he raised his fist in triumph as if he had just won a boxing match.

Of course, none of us had any idea of how famous Cassius, who, of course, changed his name to Muhammed Ali, would become or how significant he would be in American history.

Fifty-six years later, I am grateful for having had that experience in my life. 

Tom Blake's websites

http://www.findingloveafter60.com

Victoria Station restaurant chain website

Tom's travelafter55.com website

50plus LIFE On Life and Love after 50 April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE - On Life and Love after 50 - April 2016 edition 

Senior Dating Advice: Importance of Making new friends      

by Tom P Blake

 Senior Dating Advice - Single mom nearing retirement wants to meet new friends

I have often stressed to older singles the importance of getting involved in activities and making new friends. This week, Lynda, one of our newest Champs, emailed asking for advice on how to do that.

Lynda said: “I was a single mom for 17 years and was very involved in my children's lives and their activities. I have had the same type of work for 32 years and have moved a lot due to a military way of life. When I was in my 20s and 30s, making friends happened without even thinking about it.

“Now, in my mid-50s, making friends seems to be tougher than I imagined. I have friends at work but most of them are married and have their own lives outside of work.

“Since I am approaching retirement, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to make friends and get involved in my community. I love animals and have two dogs of my own. I hope to someday find someone I can experience life with although I am very content being on my own with my dogs. I have thought about volunteering with Meals on Wheels and/or helping out with dog-rescue places. Any input would be appreciated.”

Tom’s senior dating advice: Making new friends now is wise. By doing so, you will already have friends when you retire.

Yes, making friends is more difficult compared to when we were younger. For women, having women friends is as important, if not more important, than having men friends. By pursuing activities you enjoy, making new friends will easily follow. You already seem to know what you want to do.

You love animals and have two dogs. You have thought about volunteering at an animal shelter. Go for it; you’re a natural. Two months ago, I rescued a dog named Samson and got to know the volunteers at the San Clemente/Dana Point (California) Animal Shelter. They all had one thing in common: they loved dogs and cats. In addition, they were wonderful people. You would immediately make friends at an animal shelter.  

Next, you mentioned volunteering for Meals on Wheels. That’s a great cause. I suggest you start doing that once or twice a week.

It is important to try new things, particularly after you stop working. After my life partner Greta retired, she became involved in tai chi, yoga and water aerobics classes. Through exercise, she has made many wonderful new friends.

If you need more ideas, check out www.Meetup.com, a free site that lists all kinds of clubs and activities across the USA that you can join. Pick a couple of activities that interest you and try them. 

One other point: You say you would like to meet a man with whom to experience life, but if that does not happen, you are content just spending time with your dogs. I think you can do both. Make time without the dogs to let a man into your life. Yes, you treasure your dogs, but don’t be so obsessed with them that you shut out potential mates.

The above paragraph is important for people wanting to meet a mate. Often, I see women and sometimes men who are so into their pets they post their pet’s photo on their timeline instead of their own. The message that is sent is loud and clear: my pets are everything to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love all animals. However, wouldn’t it be nice to have a mate in there somewhere and also have my pets?

Back to advice for Lynda. You have many positives in your life: You have worked in the same field for 32 years, which shows stability, dedication and loyalty—great traits to have. Not many people have worked in a job that long. In addition, you were a single mom for 17 years and that required a huge commitment. I have great respect for single moms—that has to be the toughest job in the world.

Pursue making new friends before retirement with the same energy you put forth into working and raising your children. You will accomplish your goal quickly.
Listed below are the newspapers in PA where this article is featured this month.
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50plus LIFE Lebanon PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE York PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Lancaster PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Cumberland PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Chester PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Dauphin PA April 2016 edition




 http://www.FindingLoveAfter60.com

http://www.FindingLoveAfter50.com

Senior travel advice: On life and love after 50

Senior dating advice: On life and love after 50

We can’t let the terrorists win

Tom P Blake

Each year, my partner Greta and I take a vacation together. We have done so since meeting in June, 1998. We feel getting away is good for our relationship; it rekindles the flame and gives us time to focus only on each other while away from the day-to-day demands of life in south Orange County.

Now that we are retired, we want to travel as much as we can, while we can. We feel blessed to be able to do so.

This year, we leave for Europe on April 12. To go abroad takes advance planning. We have booked our accommodations, airplane flights, purchased Rail Europe passes and made train reservations, bought trip insurance and acquired euros. We are all set to go.

However, we can’t help but think back to the same time of year in 2004, when we were leaving for Spain.

Our itinerary back then was to fly to Madrid and hop a train from Madrid’s Atocha Train Station to go to the Costa del Sol for a week. While there, we planned to take the premier train to Barcelona and back. And then, we’d return by train to Atocha. By February, we had finalized all of the reservations and had paid for our Rail Europe train tickets and hotel accommodations. We were excited and couldn’t wait to leave.

But, on March 4, 2004, our excitement turned to trepidation. Ten terrorists’ bombs ripped through three Spanish train stations, including Atocha, killing 191 and injuring more than 1,800 people. The tracks we would have been on, were the ones where the bombs hit.

Our first reaction: This could have happened to us; it’s too dangerous to go to Spain. We asked Rail Europe to refund our money and canceled our Madrid hotel accommodations.

But we didn’t cancel our airplane reservations. We agonized over our decision. We asked friends, family and acquaintances for their opinions: Should we go to Spain as originally planned or simply stay home?

In a 2004 newspaper column, I asked my readers, “If you were in our shoes, would you be on a plane to Madrid a week from Friday?” More than 250 readers 

responded. “Go for it" was the overwhelming sentiment. We went, but traveled in Spain by rental car, which was probably more dangerous than traveling by rail.

On the night we arrived in Madrid, we watched in horror on Spanish TV as the terrorists blew themselves up in their apartment.

So, here we are in 2016. We fly to Germany and then take the train across Belgium to Paris, where we will spend 18 days. We have several day trips by train planned. In May, we travel by train to Italy. With the recent terrorists’ attacks in Paris and Brussels, we found we are in a similar situation as we were in 2004. Should we go?

We have looked at each other and said, “What do you think?” We have asked friends and family and they encourage us to go.

We have concluded that if we don’t go, we let the terrorists win. Yes, we understand there are risks involved. But, there are risks involved every time we get on the I-5 Freeway. We will be as careful and as diligent as we can be.

We will let you know how it’s going from over there.

Link to Tom's Dana Point Times newspaper article:

http://issuu.com/danapointtimes/docs/dpt_20160408/29?e=1729806/34743248

Tom's San Juan Capistrano Times article:

http://issuu.com/thecapistranodispatch/docs/cd_20160408/29?e=5873304/34741402

Tom's websites:

www.TravelAfter55.com

www.FindingLoveAfter60.com

Senior Dating Advice - Be happy with yourself while keeping your eyes open for a mate

On Life and Love after 50 Newsletter                               March 4, 2016

By Tom P Blake
Senior Dating Advice: Be happy with yourself while keeping your eyes open for a mate

Last week, in addition to the trip-to-Cuba article (to read in more detail about Cuba, see link at bottom of today's column), the newsletter included an email sent by a mid-70s widow whose husband had died of cancer. Subsequently, she met two men. One she met online who now lives in a distant nursing home so they get together using taxis.
The other man she met in her retirement community. She thought he was wonderful but heard he had abused his wife.
She concluded, “No one could match the generosity and competence of my husband. Should I continue to look around or just be happy within myself?”
I asked Champs if they had advice for her. As always, several of you came through with sage comments. Here is what 11 Champs (four men, seven women) shared:
Liz said, “Indulge me while I take on the cynic's role: This woman had a good marriage to a good man, and she should be happy she had that. Now it's time for her to be happy with herself. Like her, I am mid-seventies, well-preserved and active. I had a 10-year marriage and have been single for 41 years, all the while relatively happy with myself. Tell her to not be greedy, and leave the remaining eligible males for the likes of someone like me. She had her turn -- now it's mine. Facetiously, yours.”
Art: “She should continue looking. She probably has a long life ahead of her, to not pursue it would be a terrible waste. I started dating after my wife passed away from Alzheimer’s disease in 2007. I have been in several relationships, and now in a committed relationship with a woman seven years my junior. My life could not be better, and she could likely find the same satisfaction for herself.”
Maria shared, “My advice: First, be happy within yourself, know who you are and never let that be compromised. Second, envision the perfect mate and invite him into your life - then go looking with no expectations, but enjoy the looking - he may show up when you least expect it. Sometimes we need to get out of our own way before things that we desire fall into place.”
Dr. John: “My advice to the woman: do both, be happy within yourself and continue to look. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.”
Mindy (addressing the widow): “At your age—mid 70s—anyone you find will get health issues in the near future. Live life to the fullest—you are vibrant and healthy. If a man comes along you want to spend time with…great! But why only one guy? Enjoy the variety. Join groups that are active, travel with friends, enjoy your life.”
Joel: “This one's easy. Make sure your information is accurate about ‘what many residents say.’ Hearsay and gossip may not be accurate and complete. 
"If you are satisfied the abuse stories are correct, keep looking and be happy within yourself... the two are not exclusive. You might also examine your statement ‘no one could match my husband.’ 
"As long as you cling to this nostalgia, you are unlikely to find a new mate and, if you are happy, that's a good outcome.”
Joanne, “The lady needs to keep these gentlemen as friends and nothing more. Life is complicated enough. Why not keep things simple and enjoy?”
Manu: “An educated woman doesn’t need an answer, just confirmation to move on. She presents herself as an active senior. Give Meetup.com a try and nix to both men.”
Sid, “OK, advice for the widow in the retirement home...I work in a retirement home full time at age 72, so I know a lot about them. Number one, if she is as she describes herself then my advice is to move out (of the retirement home) as fast as she can. A condo complex that has younger people is really what she needs.  
“At her age and state of health, she could live in that place another 30 years and watch as people around her die off, now how cool is that? People move into those places to die not to live, those places are holding pens for death. Number two, she should get on Meetup.com and begin to attend events in her area that fit her interest.”
Ceil: “This is a sad situation. She should put her own priorities first. The older man in the faraway nursing home; she should stay in touch with him and visit periodically as she can be an important friend to him at a hard time in his life.
"And regards man #2, rumor and hearsay could be wrong, though she’s right to be concerned. What about asking him to have coffee with her in a PUBLIC PLACE (don’t back down on that). Tell him you heard he abused his wife, etc. Tell him you are concerned about it. See what he has to say. Don’t make any snap decisions about him. Stay away unless you feel comfortable with him.”
Marta, “First, this lady cannot know for sure that nobody can match her husband, and if she is looking to replace him, she will fail. Second, both of the gents she describes are not for her, unless she wants to nurse somebody that she does not know well. Third, she should keep dating but have higher standards - there is no need to be either a ‘nurse or a purse.’ There are lovely men out there who want to be loved and accepted, who are healthy and bright. If she can't find one of those, she shouldn’t settle, and should be happy as she is.”  
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Part 2 – Senior dating advice. Attitude is important. One of the attributes that I respect in all of you is the positive attitudes you bring to the table. At times, people subscribe to the newsletter and then they decide they do not fit in with our positive-message mold. Such is the case with a woman who signed up three weeks ago. She emailed this week (this is exactly how the email appeared, I did not edit):
 “lost interest,,,, no longer looking 4 GENTLEMEN,,,, THEY R ALREADY TAKEN,,,, REMOVE ME FROM THIS NEWSLETTER”
I sent her an email encouraging her to hang in with us for a while. She didn’t respond. So, she’s no longer with us. Attitude is important.
Have a great week-end.
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Part 3 - The Finding Love After 50 Facebook page. As I posted on the Facebook page Wednesday night, I have decided to shut it down in a week or two. The reason: 475 members belong but only a few are making posts. It has become almost like a few people's own Facebook page. I don't have time to monitor it and don't have time to pre-screen people who want to join, who often turn out to be people unfit for our group (in my judgment). Many of you posted that you want the site to continue. I suggest you create a new site with a new founder and a couple of administrators. I will give you time to do that; I will help you keep the contacts and friends you've made on here. Thanks for understanding.
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Tom's websites:
www.findingloveafter60.com

www.findingloveafter50.com

www.travelafter55.com

www.vicsta.com

50plus LIFE - On Life and Love after 50 - 10 tips for finding a mate

50plus  LIFE – Feb 14, 2016

On Life and Love after 50

By Tom P. Blake

Greetings, Introductions, and Tom’s 10 tips for finding a mate

I am honored, especially on Valentine’s Day, to be introduced to your newspaper. I have a warm spot in my heart for Pennsylvania. My mother was born in Erie.

My column started when two female editors in Dana Point, Calif., gave me my first writing assignment. I had just gone through a divorce and thought dating would be easy. It turned out to be difficult, and I wrote about the frustrations of a single guy in his early 50s trying to date again.

I complained and whined that younger women wouldn’t go out with me and women my age expected me to pay for dates.

The editors felt that the single women in Southern California would have a field day taking potshots at my woe-is-me message.

They were right. When my first column ran, a woman said: “Who is this sniveling puke?” Another said, “Get the boy a crying towel.”

Women told me my writing became less controversial and more palatable when I started dating my life partner, Greta.

I’ve written approximately 3,500 articles and newsletters on finding love, in the later years, and writing on this topic has been good to me. I’ve published four books and have been interview by Matt Lauer on the Today show and Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America—humbling.

My writing scope has broadened from finding love after 50 to “On life and love after 50,” as older singles deal with life issues often beyond the scope of just dating and seeking love.

My advice is applicable to anyone age 50 to 90. Yes, I know people in their 90s who have found love who can show affection towards each other similar to a couple of teenagers.

While my articles target singles, approximately 35 percent of my readers are married. Many tell me that reading about the hardships singles endure encourages them to appreciate their spouses more and they work harder at making their marriages last.

My advice to married couples is usually pretty simple: Stay together and work out the issues.

Let’s have fun together. Maybe we can help some older singles find love. But to continue writing about senior dating, I need input from readers—your questions, comments, and stories about life and love after 50.

Email me at tompblake@gmail.com and I will respond within a day or two, unless I am traveling overseas, which Greta and I try to do while we are healthy enough to go. Who knows? We might include you in a column.

One thing is certain: As more and more people become single later in life—due to divorce or the loss of a spouse—there are always new and challenging issues.

People often tell me, I never thought I’d be single at this stage in my life.” My hope is to help as many of them as possible.

My life partner Greta and I had dinner with a 78-year-old widower friend of ours after Christmas. As we were leaving the restaurant, he said, “I don’t want to be alone anymore. But I don’t know how to meet a potential mate. What do you advise?”

I put together a list that would help him get started. I call it Tom’s 10 tips for finding a mate. The tips apply to both men and women.

1. Let friends, family and acquaintances know that you’d like to meet other singles. That’s what Ken did with me. He let me know that he was rejoining the human race and wanted to meet new people. The more people he gets the word out to, the better his chances of finding someone. It’s called networking. And it works.

A week after Ken asked for advice, I received an email from a single woman in his city. I asked each one of them separately if they’d like to correspond. They said yes. Had Ken not mentioned his situation to me, I wouldn’t have thought about introducing them.

2.  Get off the couch and out of the house. You won’t meet anybody sitting at home. You need to be where you will meet new people. Sure, it takes energy and time, but it will give you a purpose. Attend weddings, reunions, church activities, dances and accept all invitations to events. Volunteer. Another widower I know volunteers at a nearby hospital twice a week and helps feed the homeless at his brother’s church twice a month. He’s met single women at both places.

3.  Go out to enrich your life and meet new people. Do not go out solely to find a mate. People looking too hard come off as desperate, and end up turning off the opposite sex. Often, it’s when we aren’t looking that we meet someone special.

4.  Pursue activities you enjoy where both sexes are involved. For guys repairing old cars, you likely won’t meet a potential mate. Ditto for women who are quilting.

5.  Get the body moving. Walk and exercise. Be friendly to folks you see along the way. Offer to walk with them if appropriate.

6.  Keep expectations in check. Meeting a potential mate won’t be easy but don’t give up. It takes time.

7.  Internet dating is one method of meeting potential mates. For people living in remote areas, online dating may be a necessity to meet new people. For people 50-plus, online dating is risky. There are scammers and evil people looking for vulnerable and lonely singles. However, it has worked for lots of couples. If a guy online sounds too good to be true, he is. Trust your instincts. Don’t be naïve.

8. Smile and be friendly, positive and upbeat. If you are in a post-office line, or a grocery-store line, be assertive by striking up a conversation--but don’t be overly-pushy about it.

9. Check out the website, http://www.Meetup.com. There is no cost and they have clubs and groups across the USA that cover all kinds of special interests. Pick some different ones and attend them. You will be enriching your life and making new friends.

10. Subscribe to my weekly On life and Love after 50 E-newsletter at www.FindingLoveAfter60.com. There is no cost. More than 1,000 singles ages 50-90 from across the USA share their experiences, frustrations and successes.

Above all, recharge your batteries and get out and meet new people. I’m betting our friend Ken will be up and running in no time.

For dating information, previous articles, or to sign up for Tom’s complimentary weekly e-newsletter, go to www.FindingLoveAfter60.com.

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Willie Nelson still going strong at 82

Willie Nelson still going strong at 82

January 18, 2016

On Life and Love After 50

By Tom Blake

Last August, Willie Nelson was scheduled to perform at the Orange County Fair. My life partner Greta and I, and our Dana Point friends, Ron and Lee Cohan, had tickets for the concert at the Pacific Amphitheatre, an outdoor venue. The four of us realized it would probably be our last chance to see Willie, a country music legend; he turns 83 this April 29.

Most, not all, of the audience appeared to be ages 50 to 90. We were in our seats; the band’s instruments were in place on the stage. And then, it started raining hard; the show was canceled.

Three months later, when the four of us heard Willie would be performing this January 6 at the Grove in Anaheim, we purchased tickets.

On the night of the concert, it rained again, but the Grove is an indoor venue, so we knew the show would go on, although, I will admit the possibility of a rain-caused cancellation crossed my mind as we drove to Anaheim.

Frankly, my expectations about Willie performing were modest. I imagined that his family members, including his sons Micah and Lukas on guitars, and “little sister” Bobbie, as Willie calls her, on piano, would be the primary performers, and that Willie would sing only a few songs.

When the lights dimmed, Willie led his band onto the stage. He was wearing a t-shirt with “Maui” on the front and his usual red headband.

Willie picked up Trigger, the name he’s given to his ancient Martin N-20 classical guitar that he’s had for 47 years--the one with a gaping hole and faded autographs from famous people such as Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings on it. He began with one of his classics, “Whiskey River.” The four of us were surprised with how great Willie and his band sounded.

He was on stage nonstop for over 90 minutes. He sang: Georgia on My Mind; On the Road Again; Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground; Crazy; Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die; Good-Hearted Woman; Always on My Mind; and about 25 other songs, all of them familiar.  

                             Willie Nelson and his band January 6, 2016, Anaheim, California

He was gracious and personable. Fans kept tossing cowboy hats on the stage. Willie would wear the hats for a couple of songs and then toss them to the crowd Frisbee-style. He also threw five headbands to the crowd.

Another Orange County friend, Ken Stetter, and his girlfriend Peggy McGuire, were seated in the same aisle about 20 feet away, although I didn’t know that until a week later. Ken said, “I, too, went to see Willie Nelson - with Peggy. We also had tickets this summer at the Fair. I thought his ‘little sister’ Bobbie was a huge plus - really good musician. I had a great night - like you. Two thumbs up!”

“Little sister” Bobbie is 85-years-old.

                              The one and only Willie Nelson, age 82, tireless

Greta and I didn’t know if we’d ever see Willie again. However, a week later we did, only this time it wasn’t in person. On Friday night, January 15, we watched on PBS TV station KCET, Willie receiving The Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song.

He had received the award on November 18, 2015, in Washington, D.C. A multitude of entertainers performed his music as he and his wife sat in a booth above and to the side of the stage.

Johnny Cash’s daughter, Rosanne, performed “Pancho and Lefty” and Alison Krauss of the group Union Station performed, “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground.” Paul Simon and Neil Young also sang. It was an incredible night of music.

After Willie received the award on stage, he strapped on Trigger and did a few songs with all of the guest performers joining him. With a career that spans six decades, his final song was, appropriately enough, “On the Road Again.”

Greta said, “Just because we are older, doesn’t mean we stop doing what we love. To Willie, 82 is just a number.”

                                       Tom and Greta ready for Willie to come on stage

Samson Finds a Home

On Life and Love After 50

By Tom P Blake

Samson finds a home

On the night of December 16, my partner Greta and I picked up her granddaughter, Ashley Avalos, and her two great grandchildren, Ava and Anthony, at LAX. They had flown in from North Carolina. We arrived at Greta’s San Clemente home at 10 p.m.

When we opened the front door to enter the house, the five of us were joined by a 150-pound German shepherd, who just walked in with us, right out of the night.

At least he was friendly. He had a collar, but no name tag. I grabbed him by the collar and took him outside in case he had just gotten away from his owners. He was as strong as a horse. One time, he pulled so hard I hit the pavement but held on. 

The street was empty. We walked him around the neighborhood but no one was out looking for him.

Greta telephoned her friend Jane who volunteers at the San Clemente-Dana Point Animal Shelter in San Clemente. Jane suggested we telephone the Shelter but no one answered. A message on their recording gave a number to call the Sheriff. It was 11 p.m. The Sheriff said they could do nothing.

We could not keep the dog at Greta’s home because of the two great grandchildren, and Greta is allergic to dogs. Her backyard is not enclosed. What were we going to do?

The only solution was for me to take him to my Dana Point home and he would stay there with me. I had no idea how comfortable he’d be in the car, let alone the house, or whether he’d devour me on the drive to Dana Point.

We pulled into the garage and I shut the garage door before we got out of the car. At least he couldn’t get out of the house.

He did a full inspection of the house, with me moving breakable things out of the way. I let him inspect the enclosed  backyard.

I decided to sleep downstairs on the couch pull-out bed. All I had to nourish him with was bread and water.

At Midnight, I climbed into bed. He tried to do that as well. I finally got him to lie on the rug next to the bed. He was moving around most of the night. He’d put his nose under my arm every 20 minutes or so. Sleep was scarce that night.

At 3 a.m., I remembered we had one Jimmy Dean’s sausage croissant sandwich in the freezer. I warmed half of it for him. He inhaled it. After that, he settled down and slept from 4 to 6 a.m.

For breakfast, he got the other half of the croissant, again, inhaling it. I had coffee.

My mission: get him safely to the Animal Shelter, where I arrived at 10:15 a.m. No one had called to ask about Samson.

I was assured by one of the workers that he would be adopted after a quarantine period. She said, “He’s a magnificent dog.”

This experience opened my eyes to the wonderful San Clemente - Dana Point Animal Shelter that we are so blessed to have. The volunteers there love dogs and cats. Greta’s volunteer friend Jane sent a picture of him. His name was “Samson.”

That night, I found myself missing that big German shepherd who dragged me around for 12 hours.

I checked with the Shelter three times over the next week. He was still there.

On Tuesday, December 29, Greta and I went to the Shelter to check on Samson. Good news, he was being adopted that day. The new owners had visited him four times before deciding.

We got to see him before he left for his new home. Dog trainer Esther Horn took us to his kennel, and explained all the loving care the animals get there. She said, “Samson’s a big puller.” I couldn’t deny that.

It warmed my heart that this story had such a beautiful ending. Visit and support the San Clemente – Dana Point Animal Shelter. It will touch your heart as well. And maybe even adopt one of those beautiful and lonely animals who just want to go to a home.

                                          Samson the German Shepard  (photo by Tom Blake)

Dana Point Times Jan 8 2016

San Clemente Times Jan 14 2016

San Juan Capistrano Dispatch Jan 8 2016 Samson

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