Tom Blake's Interview with Chicken Soup's Mark Victor Hansen - 10 Dating Tips

On Life and Love after 50  Newsletter

Tom Blake's Interview with Chicken Soup's Mark Victor Hansen. His 10 dating tips still hold true today

I am in the process of updating my Finding Love after 50 website, which entails editing more than 200 articles that I wrote 10 to 15 years ago. One article I came across was an interview I had with Mark Victor Hansen, co-creator of the best-selling series "Chicken Soup for the Soul"  and co-author of "The One Minute Millionaire."

                                   
                         Tom and Mark Victor Hansen - 2003
Hansen was considered in 2003, when I interviewed him, as America's leading expert on human potential; his business letterhead described him as "America's Master Motivator." He is extremely personable, positive and likeable as well. The interview was about middle-aged and senior dating. His answers to my questions are as important today as they were in 2003. I added the italics.

Tom: “Where should middle-age and senior singles go to jump-start their lives and meet a potential mate?”

Mark: “They should volunteer by test-tasting 12 different groups to find the one or ones most suitable for them. There may be 100 people at each meeting; that's 1,200 people from whom to choose.

“If you want quality dating - a good relationship, great thinking, possibility for travel, good belongingness, somebody with high self-confidence, high self-esteem, who is trying to make a difference at whatever level - you'll find people like that in volunteer groups.”

Tom: “What advice can you give singles who say they can never trust again?”

Mark: “You have to have self-trust before you can trust others.

“All of us are on a spiritual path and all get betrayed. From forgiveness you go back to deep self-trust. You realize you aren't alone, and that's one of the things the "Chicken Soup" books help people with. Most people need a deeper process rebuilding trust than from a 20-minute church sermon.

(While discussing divorce, Mark asked if I had written a book. I told him my book - scheduled for publication May, 2003, – Finding Love After 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do, will help divorced and widowed people).

                                                    

                                            Tom's Book on Amazon.com

Mark said, "You've got a market of at least 20 million there. In doing research for our upcoming book, 'Chicken Soup for the Divorced Soul' (publication in 2005), we learned that the divorce rate is 150 percent in America, which means people who get divorced get divorced multiple times.

"Americans don't know how to grieve and one thing you've got to grieve is your divorce. It takes a year and a half to heal at a minimum, and more time for women than men."

Tom: “I tell singles they should know the qualities that are right for them in a potential mate. Some say that makes love too scripted. They believe love should ‘just happen.’ What's your opinion?”

Mark: “That's the way 16-year-olds think, and it gets them in trouble. People must know what's right for them.”

Tom: “Many older people complain that the singles they meet are too set in their ways and not relationship material.”

Mark: “The new (lifestyle) model, especially in California, is not to get hard in your attitudes. Take a guy like Art Linkletter – he skis six weeks a year and surfs six weeks a year. My daughter can't believe he catches air for 30 feet at a time. He's happily married, but he's as alive and enticing to women as he is to men.

“So, the complaint goes back to the ones who complain. If men or women aren't growing, then they won't find others who are growing. And about gray power - no one should give up their sex life or their life at all.”

Tom: “Can a relationship where two people have a 20-year-age difference work?”

Mark: “We're going into a new age I call the age of the soul. We ask, how does my soul relate to your soul? Are our souls comfortable? Is the essence of my being there? The essence of my being has nothing to do with chronology. A 20-year-age gap is irrelevant, assuming people are spiritually mature and they've done some self-work and introspection.”

Tom: “You're one of the marketing geniuses in the world: Do you think singles should use marketing techniques - such as the Internet, personal ads, networking and dating services – to try to meet someone?”

Mark: “Absolutely. Everyone's got to learn to market him or herself. Do marketing that rocks; it will help bring love back into your life.”

Tom: “Can people who elect to remain single lead a happy life on their own?”

Mark: “Only if they've done a lot of self-work and made themselves feel comfortable with themselves. What I teach on self-esteem is a trinity: 'I like me, I like me alone, and I like me with other people.' Most people have never done the ‘I like me’ step.

“You must have positive, correct self-love first. If I'm in a bonded relationship and don't have self-love first, I won't be OK.”

Tom: “How can people keep a relationship alive and fresh?”

Mark: “Read love books to each other once a month, then discuss them and say on a scale of 1 to 10, where is our relationship? If it's less than a 7, what do we do to get back to a 7? No relationship operates at a 10 full time. Most couples never have that kind of a conversation.”

                      
          Couples should read to each other without falling asleep

Mark's final advice for older singles: "Have lots of friends. Stay active. Get out and meet new people. If you've got the intention to pay attention, you'll get the perfect retention of your love."
Orange County is blessed to have Mark Victor Hansen as one of its leaders.

In re-reading this interview in 2016, Mark’s advice still applies. He is a genius. Here are 10 highlights of what Mark Victor Hansen said:

1. To jump-start one’s life, volunteer trying at least 12 different charities or groups to find the right one for you
2. To trust again, you have to trust yourself, which starts with forgiveness
3. When going through a divorce, you have to grieve. It takes at least a year and a half to recover
4. Singles looking for a mate must know the qualities they seek in a mate
5. No one should give up their sex life
6. Regarding dating someone older or younger, Hansen said, “A 20-year-age gap is irrelevant, assuming people are spiritually mature and they've done some self-work and introspection.”
7. Singles must learn how to market themselves
8. To be in a bonded relationship, you must love yourself first
9. No relationship operates at a level-10 all of the time. Communication between couples helps refresh relationships and keeps them at a high level
10. Have lots of friends. Get out and meet new people (Gee, where have you heard that before?)

Note from Tom: In 2008, Hansen and co-creator Jack Canfield sold Chicken Soup for the Soul. The new owners have carried on. As of 2016, 110 million copies have been sold.

I hope Champs found this interview with Mark Victor Hansen as inspiring and informative as I did.

In life, opportunity often arises from adversity

On Life and Love after 50 Newsletter for July 8, 2016

Senior issues: In life, opportunity often arises from adversity

By Tom P Blake

Today’s newsletter begins my 23^rd year of writing about finding love after 50. My first newspaper column appeared on July 4, 1994, in a local Dana Point, California, newspaper. Some Champs know how this all came about but a lot don’t so that’s what we are going to write about today.

Back then, I wasn’t a writer, just a guy who owned Tutor and Spunky’s, the Dana Point deli I had opened in 1988. On Christmas Eve, 1993, my life changed dramatically when my wife of six years--without informing me of her intentions--cleaned out the house and moved away. I was so surprised and shocked that I started keeping a journal to try to gather my thoughts and figure out what the hell had happened and why I didn’t see it coming.

It was one of those unexpected curve balls that life pitches at you that you cannot be prepared for. Almost all of our Champs have had one of those pitches tossed at them as well at various stages of their lives.

In early 1994, an unknown man came into the deli during a busy lunchtime, and in front of a few customers and employees, said, “Are you Tom Blake?” I smiled and said yes, thinking we had a new customer. He handed me an envelope, saying, “You are formally being served with divorce papers.”

That was insult being added to injury. I chased him out of the deli with a breadknife but he was gone in a flash. Soon, I became single, free to date again. I added the events of each day to my journal.

I thought mid-life dating was going to be easy. After all, I owned a deli in a So Cal beach town where lots of attractive women came in for lunch wearing bikinis, and other beach garb, many of them half my age or less.

I quickly discovered that southern Orange County women had no interest in dating a newly divorced, 53-year-old guy, who was bitter at how the divorce gods had treated him. I am surprised I didn’t alienate every woman customer that entered the place and decided to stop asking women customers out altogether. With every failed dating experience, I added to the journal.

After six months, my journal had grown to more than 100 pages. I converted it to a short story. I naively queried Playboy, Esquire and the New York Times, thinking they might be interested in story about a divorced man’s dating woes.

Eventually, two women editors of the Dana Point paper agreed to review my material. They felt that single women in Southern California would have a field day taking pot shots at my woe-is-me, feeling-sorry-for-myself, age-50+ single-guy-can’t-get-a-date, saga.

The two editors gave me my first writing opportunity, and they were right. After my initial column appeared, which was titled, “Home alone with only dogs for company,” a woman wrote in, “Who is this sniveling puke?” Another said, “Get the boy a crying towel.” The column soon appeared in 10 local area newspapers and for eight years in The Orange County Register, which at the time, was the nation’s 20^th largest newspaper.

In June, 1998, I met Greta, my life partner. Women readers told me that my writing became less controversial and more palatable after she entered my life. And I stopped complaining in my writing that I had to pay for the dates.

Now, in 2016, I’ve written approximately 3,500 articles and newsletters on finding love after 50; writing on this topic has been good to me. I’ve published four books and have been interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today show and Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America—humbling experiences for a deli guy.

In 2011, Norb Garrett, the CEO of  Picket Fence Media, the publisher of the Dana Point Times, San Clemente Times and The Capistrano Dispatch, invited me to write for his newspapers. In my 23 years of writing, I have never been associated with such a hard-working, friendly and warm group of people. My columns appear in those papers twice a month.

My writing scope has broadened from the early days of strictly writing about finding love after 50, to including “On life and love after 50,” as older singles deal with personal issues often beyond the scope of just dating and seeking love.

When I first started writing, Internet dating hadn’t been invented yet, and now, seniors routinely break up by text message.

My advice is applicable to people age 45 to 90. Yes, I do know people in their 90s who have found love. One of our most prolific Champs in contacting me is Shirley, aka the wise bird of Manhattan, so dating and seeking love doesn’t end at 80.

While my articles target singles, approximately 35 percent of my readers are married. Many tell me that reading about the hardships singles endure encourages them to appreciate their spouses more and to work harder at making their marriages last. My advice to married couples is usually pretty simple: stay together and work out the issues.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned from this writing experience: opportunity often arises from adversity and it’s up to us as individuals to recognize the opportunity and make the best of it, although we may not see or understand it until months or years later.

I hear this message repeated often as Champs write me and talk about how they found opportunity and capitalized on it after experiencing adversity.

I enjoy hearing from our Champs. Your comments, questions and observations are the meat and potatoes that help keep the newsletter ongoing.

Email me at tompblake@gmail.com and I will respond quickly.

Dana Point Times July 8 2016

San Clemente Times July 7 2016

The Capistrano Dispatch July 8 2016 (San Juan Capistrano)

Senior dating issues; When to start dating again

On Life and Love after 50 Newsletter

Senior dating issues: getting out there. Don’t overthink it

When Champs or newspaper readers contact me with a question, I don’t mind taking a little time answering them. And, often, it gives me information I can share in this newsletter and in my newspaper columns.

But sometimes, the emails are so long and detailed that I just don’t have the time to answer every item. In that case, I will usually suggest the person do a consulting session with me. See information on Tom Blake consulting in Part 2 below.

This week, I got one of those long emails from a Champ named Leslie. She wrote, “I'm on dating sites and am reluctant to actually meet anyone though they send their numbers to call them. I am in the middle of moving - thought I'd see what a 55+ community with activities would be like as I'm a social person.

“I picked the wrong condo, meaning I thought I was being financially smart - but am unhappy due to allergies from very old carpeting. I am telling you this because I feel that I should be settled before I try to date. I found another nicer place but cannot move until September. Yet, at age 75, sitting around waiting seems silly.

“Many years ago I tried online dating. Then, I did go out but often only on one date. I've dated a lot, been in many relationships, lived with a man for 10 years, etc. I just don't know what to say when I meet someone on a dating site. It's easier if I meet them while doing activities or if it's a fix-up.

“Also, a year and 1/2 ago, I fell and broke both shoulders. After a long recovery period, I'm ready to get going. Otherwise, my health is good. I just can't lift items like I used to.

“Should I just get on with meeting men from dating sites and ignore the fact my living situation doesn't reflect me (yet) or wait?

“Should I be flirtatious and lighthearted even though I'm allowing the living situation to affect me? A friend said it's important to be happy where I live. I'm usually positive and caring. I'm thinking too much I think.

“I'd also like to know what to say, do I hug, steer the conversation to them. Lots of questions I know and the idea is to be myself. I'm lonely but not desperate. I never had children so I can't focus on them.

“That seems to make a difference in the comfort level of female friends if they have kids in their lives. Any hints will be appreciated and thanks so much for the opportunity to get some help...or at least connect with like- minded people. Are there any intentional communities out there for singles?

“Does it matter that I haven't married? I backed out of weddings, had several long-term relationships and feel I have finally grown emotionally aware enough to have a healthy relationship. I like your advice to move on because without consciously being aware, I was still comparing everyone to the wonderful relationship I had in my 30's (crazy I know). I also became a counselor and have done much self-growth, feel like I am not living in a dream world, and am positive and accepting. I just need courage.

“Because of the accident I am just now starting to exercise and get back 'in shape.' Should I wait until I'm stronger or just get on with getting out there? Can you give advice on profiles too? I'm feeling a little hopeful.” 

Tom’s response

“It does not matter that you have not married. Probably a plus in fact: less baggage.

“Don't wait to get started. Time marches on. Get on with it. But, don't just rely on internet dating. Lots of flakes there. Work more on getting out locally and join some groups. Having women friends is important. Yes, I give profile advice, but that gets into consulting time.

“Rebuilding your shoulders should be a top priority, as well as overall exercise. Don't overdo it, however.

“Be positive and hopeful!”
_________________________________________________

Part 2 - Tom Blake Consulting - Anyone interested in a consulting session may email me for information. We can consult by telephone or email—your choice. All consulting sessions are private and no information will be ever used publicly. Email me at tompblake@gmail.com for more consulting information The cost is $62.95 for 30 minutes and $98.50 for an hour.

Tom's other websites

www.VicSta.com  (The Victoria Station restaurant chain website)

www.FindingLoveAfter60.com

Senior dating issue: dating when a spouse has Alzheimer's

 Part 2 – More On Life and Love after 50 newsletter readers' (Champs') comments on Alzheimer’s and dating

Tom P Blake
Shirley, “I’m a monogamous dame, and do not tolerate ‘playing’ while married, but the Alzheimer’s has a dreadful effect on a family, and especially on the caregiver. Also, adult children who judge are ignorant of what really happens. I’ve had numerous nurses’ aides--because of my disability--and they’ve told me about the impact of the disease on their other patients. Alzheimer's is a living death for caretakers."

Barbara, “I find with great heartache that people can't find it in their heart to want men or women to find some happiness while they are still able to. “My husband was dying of bone cancer and he made me promise to find someone to share the rest of my life with, mattered not kids or kids, but do what was right for me with his blessing.

“So a man and a woman need to be open with each other no matter how the health issue may come about. Kids need to know about this and this is what their parents have decided on, be open-minded folks, there is no right way or wrong way to this situation, give a lot of love to one another and look at what both mom and dad want.”

David, in speaking of the man whose wife has Alzheimer’s, said, “You need to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you can self-righteously criticize them. Also, no one who offered an opinion had any understanding of what it’s like to be an isolated caregiver in a hostile environment especially if you still feel young and vibrant enough to move on with your life.

“I think the gentleman ought to be commended for his continuing love and devotion to a wife who is vanishing in front of him and the lady ought to be commended for waiting to build a new relationship and offer support. These two would probably be best served keeping their relationship private and between themselves only until the medical situation resolves itself.”

This ends a thread of discussions on a man who is dating when his wife has Alzheimer's and the frustration his woman friend feels as the other woman.

50 Plus Life Online Newspaper

Senior dating issues: Two questions senior singles should ask on a first date

Senior dating issues: Two first date questions to ask

by Tom P Blake
I am impressed with the wisdom of our On Life and Love after 50 newsletter Champs (subscribers--I call them Champs). The most recent example comes from Champ Bob, who was a corporate recruiter.

Bob emailed questions he used in his work that he feels can be also used in the early stages of a relationship to determine whether two people have adequate compatibility to continue dating or not.

Bob said, “As a former corporate recruiter (head hunter, if you will), I heard a simplistic description of the hiring process. It boils down to two questions: ‘What have you got?’ and ‘What do you want?’

“If a candidate can answer those questions, she/he is making progress toward getting into a job that ‘fits’ her/his needs and the needs of the hiring organization.

“Applying those questions to the relationship-building or dating process, the questions become: ‘What can you bring to a relationship?’ and, ‘What do you want from a relationship?’

“My sense is if a man and a woman can answer those questions to each other early in the dating process, then informed decisions can be fairly readily made about proceeding or working toward a relationship.

“Some may find this basic model a little too much of the lowest-common-denominator.  However, I have road-tested these questions and achieved results – deciding to pursue a relationship or move on.”

Bob has a point: If two people who have just met—maybe they are even on a first date—can answer those two questions, they can somewhat objectively judge whether there might be enough compatibility that a satisfying relationship could develop.

Bob expanded on the first question when he added that it’s not only what a person can bring to a relationship, but, “What is that person willing to do to make the relationship successful?”

In my 23 years of writing columns, this third question is especially significant. Often, I have had men or women tell me they met someone they liked, who had the qualities they wanted, but that the person wasn’t willing to make enough of a commitment. When that happens, frustration and disappointment inevitably follow. In other words, both people must want to be in a relationship and be willing to work on it together.

Instead of giving advice, ask questions

Another thing Bob learned in his corporate career was what to do when someone—a client, friend, family member, or colleague—asked him for advice. He said he tried to avoid giving advice because doing so was fraught with pitfalls.

Bob’s statement piqued my interest because singles often seek my dating and relationship advice.

He said, “The advice-requester may or may not be giving an accurate picture of all the facts and circumstances, intentionally or unintentionally. Errors of omission can happen because the person cannot or will not admit he or she has contributed to the issue or problem in some way. The person may have a bias, selecting certain facts and leaving out other relevant information. The advice-giver is therefore not in possession of complete information on which to base the advice.

“Instead of giving advice, I had a backpack full of questions to pose to the advice-requester. At the end, he or she would thank me for the ‘advice’ after they had arrived at their own conclusions, solutions, and courses of action. I had not made one statement of advice; I had only asked many questions.”

Bob pointed out that by asking questions, instead of giving advice, he was assigning the responsibility of the problem and the solution to the person seeking the advice.

He said, “What if advice is given and it works absolutely perfectly?  What has the requester learned? Nothing, except to return to the advice-giver the next time a problem arises. A dependency (co-dependency?) has been created.”

He added, “What if advice is given and it crashes and burns, fails miserably? Who is to blame? Why, the advice-giver, of course. ‘You told me to do such and such. I followed your  advice and look where it got me? My relationship is ruined, etc.’”

That comment reminded me why I am not a matchmaker, opting not to fix people up, although I am often asked to do so. Fixing up singles seldom works and then the people are mad at me—the fixer-upper.

Also, Bob is right about people not including both sides of the story when asking for relationship advice. When people ask me, I usually hear only one side of the story. Getting the other side of the story is usually not possible.

In the future, I’ll likely be asking more questions, but knowing myself, I will still give advice. Old habits are hard to break.

Thinking about what Champ Bob has shared today, improving dating and relationships after 50 comes down to clear, honest communication between two people. It is as simple as that; unfortunately, people often make it more complicated.

Senior dating issues: Mars and Venus Revisited

Mars and Venus Revisited                    April 15, 2016
 
By Tom P. Blake
 
Dateline—Paris, France
 
In April, 1992, John Gray published “Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus.” Gray used the metaphor comparing men and women as being from different planets to explain the different views they have when it comes to the relationships between them.
 
The book spent 121 weeks on the bestseller list and more than 50 million copies have been sold.  
 
After I published the newsletter about two guys breaking up by text message, I received an email from Champ Randy, an older single man, which stated, “As I have matured, I have found there is a massive understanding gap between men and women. One would think by this point in life that we would all be ‘in-sync’ but that is unfortunately not true. The expectations and perceptions between men and women are sometimes so foreign to each other, I truly start to believe the Mars and Venus analogy.”
 
I have to compliment Randy for such a succinct and well-stated email that zeroed in on how senior men and women differ in their perception of romantic relationships. He said, “For most women, a relationship seems to be, a life-long commitment that is prioritized above all else. There may be some understanding regarding whether the partners will live together and/or share resources, but it still comes down to a life-long, prioritized commitment.  
 
“I suspect most men in our age group (60s-70s), who have been single for some time, are looking for something a little less-structured and rigid. They are looking for companionship with someone they enjoy and hopefully some mutually common interests without the sometimes pressure and stress of a ‘formal’ relationship.”
 
Randy belongs to two social groups where he lives in south Florida. The groups have nearly an equal number of men and women. Randy said, “After reading your “breakup-by-text-message” newsletter, I asked almost all of the men whether they were actually interested in a long term, committed relationship.  
“Without exception, all answered yes, ‘If the right woman came along.’Although this sounded pretty encouraging, upon further questioning of what ‘the right woman’ would be, I found that almost all of the men set such high expectations that it would probably take God’s direct intervention to make it happen.  
 
“When I brought this to the men’s attention, all agreed with my assessment and embarrassingly admitted that they really weren’t looking all that hard and never expected it to happen anyway. What they were actually looking for was a comfortable and unstructured relationship, which included someone they enjoyed being with for trips, dinners, social gatherings and sometimes just good conversation.  
 
“Believe it or not, sex was rarely a criteria and monogamy was not really a problem. Companionship was the most-often used term and led me to the conclusion that in today’s vernacular, they were almost all looking for female BFF’s (acronym for best friends forever).”  
 
Randy continued: “I have been in five different relationships since the loss of my wife of 38 years, 10 years ago. All of these women were wonderful and exciting and a great addition to my life and all are now long-term friends.  
 
“With one exception, I broke up with them after a year or two (in person, not by text message) because they started expecting more that I could give. I came to the conclusion in every case, that since I wasn’t prepared to go that extra step, I was doing them a disservice by continuing the relationship and I should free them up to pursue what they needed, wanted and deserved. Most have now found the long-term partners they longed for and ‘now’ they understand the reason for the breakup.
 
“If I have a point in the above, it is that both partners need to understand what the other’s definition of a relationship is, and what their expectations are. If these are not ‘in sync,’ each person needs to examine the relationship closely and determine whether to move on to avoid heartbreak and the resulting bitterness.
 
“There are millions of us lonely people out here searching for our soul mates. With a little honest communication and understanding, many of us can still find for what we are searching.”

John Gray had it right in 1992. To this day, the way men and women view relationships hasn’t changed much.

50plus LIFE On Life and Love after 50 April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE - On Life and Love after 50 - April 2016 edition 

Senior Dating Advice: Importance of Making new friends      

by Tom P Blake

 Senior Dating Advice - Single mom nearing retirement wants to meet new friends

I have often stressed to older singles the importance of getting involved in activities and making new friends. This week, Lynda, one of our newest Champs, emailed asking for advice on how to do that.

Lynda said: “I was a single mom for 17 years and was very involved in my children's lives and their activities. I have had the same type of work for 32 years and have moved a lot due to a military way of life. When I was in my 20s and 30s, making friends happened without even thinking about it.

“Now, in my mid-50s, making friends seems to be tougher than I imagined. I have friends at work but most of them are married and have their own lives outside of work.

“Since I am approaching retirement, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to make friends and get involved in my community. I love animals and have two dogs of my own. I hope to someday find someone I can experience life with although I am very content being on my own with my dogs. I have thought about volunteering with Meals on Wheels and/or helping out with dog-rescue places. Any input would be appreciated.”

Tom’s senior dating advice: Making new friends now is wise. By doing so, you will already have friends when you retire.

Yes, making friends is more difficult compared to when we were younger. For women, having women friends is as important, if not more important, than having men friends. By pursuing activities you enjoy, making new friends will easily follow. You already seem to know what you want to do.

You love animals and have two dogs. You have thought about volunteering at an animal shelter. Go for it; you’re a natural. Two months ago, I rescued a dog named Samson and got to know the volunteers at the San Clemente/Dana Point (California) Animal Shelter. They all had one thing in common: they loved dogs and cats. In addition, they were wonderful people. You would immediately make friends at an animal shelter.  

Next, you mentioned volunteering for Meals on Wheels. That’s a great cause. I suggest you start doing that once or twice a week.

It is important to try new things, particularly after you stop working. After my life partner Greta retired, she became involved in tai chi, yoga and water aerobics classes. Through exercise, she has made many wonderful new friends.

If you need more ideas, check out www.Meetup.com, a free site that lists all kinds of clubs and activities across the USA that you can join. Pick a couple of activities that interest you and try them. 

One other point: You say you would like to meet a man with whom to experience life, but if that does not happen, you are content just spending time with your dogs. I think you can do both. Make time without the dogs to let a man into your life. Yes, you treasure your dogs, but don’t be so obsessed with them that you shut out potential mates.

The above paragraph is important for people wanting to meet a mate. Often, I see women and sometimes men who are so into their pets they post their pet’s photo on their timeline instead of their own. The message that is sent is loud and clear: my pets are everything to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love all animals. However, wouldn’t it be nice to have a mate in there somewhere and also have my pets?

Back to advice for Lynda. You have many positives in your life: You have worked in the same field for 32 years, which shows stability, dedication and loyalty—great traits to have. Not many people have worked in a job that long. In addition, you were a single mom for 17 years and that required a huge commitment. I have great respect for single moms—that has to be the toughest job in the world.

Pursue making new friends before retirement with the same energy you put forth into working and raising your children. You will accomplish your goal quickly.
Listed below are the newspapers in PA where this article is featured this month.
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50plus LIFE Lebanon PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE York PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Lancaster PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Cumberland PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Chester PA April 2016 edition

50plus LIFE Dauphin PA April 2016 edition




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Senior Dating Advice - Text Message Breakup

On life and love after 50 Newsletter                  March 25, 2016

By Tom P Blake
Senior dating advice -Text Message Breakup

We have a new Champ. She wasted no time saying what is on her mind. On the day she signed up for the newsletter, she wrote:
“I've been on a dating web site for many years. I am 59 and looking for a relationship. I was under the impression that mature men would act their age and not like they did in their younger dating years. I was wrong.
“I assumed being mature, kind, understanding, honest, etc., were traits that come with gaining wisdom thru the years.
“So far, the men I've dated on these sites are clueless as to being decent people deserving of a good lady in their lives, even though their profiles say they want to be in a relationship. I didn't realize that men in their late 50's and 60's can still be jerks.
“The last two men I dated for over a year. Both broke up with a text message, really?? What kind of an adult move is that?
“Also, there was no discussion as to why the relationships were over. These men were willing to just throw a year away of being in a relationship when maybe with a little tweaking things could have worked out.
“Time is slipping away so to think another relationship is right around the corner would be kidding myself. It's not easy to find someone we can get along with because we all are pretty much set in our ways and won’t change.
“Older men are still just as untrustworthy now, as they were in their younger years. I'm sad to say, a hard lesson to learn for me. So, just because you’re a grown up doesn't mean you will act like an adult.”
Tom responded with senior dating advice: You are not the first woman to feel this way. Not all men are like that. What site or sites were you on? How often did you date these men over the year you were with them?
Was there any indication that the relationships weren't going well? You are blaming the men for their behavior, but how about you? What might you have done differently? Were you too rigid in your ways?
No doubt, breaking up by text message is pretty lame. We’ll see what other Champs think.
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Part 2 – Senior Dating Advice - Did you ICE your cell phones and wallets?

Last week’s article about the man who fell and hit his head on the concrete was tragic. But, it did a lot of good. Many Champs wrote about putting the word ICE(An acronym for In case of emergency) next to your emergency contacts on your cell phones and in your wallets.

Champ Doug wrote: “An EMT told me that once a person is stabilized after a serious injury, the cell phone is checked for ICE listings and the numbers are called. Fire and police agencies also do this. Goes for your wallet as well.”

Tom's comment: I ICED my cellphone and wallet, Champs. Have you?
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Part 3 – There are good older singles in the world

Champ Army wrote: “Last week’s newsletter about the tragic incident reminded me of an incident from 15 years ago. A guy meant a woman at a dance, asked her out, went north boating on a first date, had a medical problem. When he came to in the hospital, she was by his hospital bed. Because of her dedication, he asked her to marry him. 15 years later, still happily married.”

Champ Andrew wrote: Re: “You comment from two weeks ago: ‘I have great respect for single moms—that has to be the toughest job in the world.” I respect her (the woman in the story) too, having been in a similar position of providing unaided support as a single parent to daughters and sub-teens through to adulthood and now happily settled with partners—meals, laundry, quality time at home and on outings, guidance with education, hobbies and social interactions, providing a safe environment for them and their friends, oh, and working in a demanding full-time job to keep them in a large, clean, comfortable home. But being a mere male, I shall gracefully accept second place in your eyes.”

Tom’s response to Andrew. You are totally correct; I should have written “single parents” and not just “single moms.” Single dads are admired also.

Champs Patricia and Len – A few months ago, we wrote about Champs Patricia and Len who met on BikerKiss.com 12 years ago. To refresh your memory, here is their picture:


                            Champs Pat and Len
They are featured this month in the six Pennsylvania newspapers I write for. To read the article go to:
 http://50pluslifepa.com/news/2016/mar/08/life-and-love-after-50-pa-couple-met-online-years-/

Have a Happy Easter!
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This newsletter, On life and love after 50, is the only newsletter Tom publishes. If you have friends who would like to receive it, they can sign up by going to the following website. It's a little confusing, because the website is Finding Love After 60. The newsletter is On life and love after 50, but this website is where you sign up for it:
 http://www.FindingLoveAfter60.com

Tom's other websites:

http://www.FindingLoveAfter 50.com

www.VicSta.com

www.travelafter55.com

Senior dating advice - Importance of ICE

On life and love after 50 Newsletter                  March 18, 2016

Senior dating advice - Importance of ICE - A brutal reminder on how life can change in an instant

I just now put three personal contact names and their phone numbers into my wallet with the word ICE along them. I intend to leave them there and hope no one ever has to use them. By the end of today’s article, you will understand the word ICE and what I’m talking about.

Note from Tom: At the request of the Champ who provided today's information, I have changed both her name and the man's name. 
 
Last month, Joyce, 73, met Brian, 70, online. She said, “Quickly, I felt he was very special. We had interesting conversations, he was respectful; he had a cute personality and was interested in me also. After caring for his wife as she fought cancer for many years, he was ready to find a partner and move forward.
 
“We absolutely clicked. We were into our third date in four days. We were walking up a steep incline at my condo development driveway. I was two steps ahead of him when I heard him say something. I turned to look as I kept walking and saw him falling backwards, straight-bodied.
 
“His head hit the cement with a loud crack, bounced up and back down, cracking again. He began convulsing; blood was running out of his ear and the back of his head. He was unconscious.
 
“I yelled for help and called 911. I thought he was going to die at any moment. A neighbor nurse showed up in a few seconds. A doctor who was a friend of mine was driving up the driveway. He stopped his car and jumped out. He put his hands on each side of Brian’s head to stabilize it. Blood was on the doctor’s hands and running down the driveway. Within about five minutes, emergency vehicles were there and quickly left with him.
 
“A fireman was asking me questions and writing down my answers. He took my contact information and wanted Brian’s relatives’ contacts also. I had none. And that is why I wrote to you.
 
“I felt the only help I could give Brian was to try to locate his sons, who Brian had mentioned by their names.”
 
Joyce and the fireman searched Brian’s unlocked car for information but found none. To help Joyce find the hospital emergency room, the fireman drew a map on his arm with a pen.
 
Although horrified and worried sick, Joyce drove herself to the hospital. She was led immediately to Brian’s bed in the Emergency Room. She said, “There he was, propped up on a gurney, conscious, giving me his cute smile and calling me by my name. It was unbelievable; I was so happy.”
 
Joyce added that Brian’s phone was on the gurney and with the help of an aide, she was able to send a text message to his oldest son who lived nearby. Brian kept telling Joyce he wanted to go home. The doctor told her that Brian had two skull fractures and bleeding on the brain. The doctor said with strong conviction that if Brian went home, he would die.
 
Hearing that, Brian looked at Joyce and said, “What do you think?” She couldn’t believe the brief comic relief of his question. Then she said, “I will not let you go home.” He said, “OK.”
 
Brian was moved to Intensive Care and she was allowed to go there immediately. The hospital asked about her relationship to him. She said, “Girlfriend.” The aide wrote: “Significant Other.”
 
Brian has been moved to a nursing facility. He is having cognitive and ambulatory issues. Keeping him from getting up on his own has been a challenge; they can’t risk another fall. He is losing weight.
 
Joyce says, “I have not given up. He is truly a very special man. I believe everyone should carry a couple of names and phone numbers in their wallet in case they become incapacitated. In dating, especially later in life, each person should get a phone number or two from the other. Much time was spent trying to contact Brian’s family based only on the two names of his sons he had talked about.”
 
Tom’s senior dating advice observation:
 
Joyce is a remarkable woman. There are two things about her I want to mention. The condo where she and Brian were walking closed escrow the day after he fell. You can imagine the mixed emotions she had dealing with that. Now she lives nearly an hour from the facility where he is staying.
 
The second thing I want you to know about Joyce involved me personally. In 2014, on Veteran’s Day, a woman walked into Tutor and Spunky's Deli, my Dana Point, California, establishment and handed me an envelope and then left. I opened it and there was a note inside that read, “Thank you for serving our country.” There was also a $20 bill inside. I had no idea how she knew that I had served in the Navy during the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Viet Nam War. Her gesture really touched me.
 
This week, when she emailed me this story, she ended her message with: “Sincerely Joyce, the one who gave you the note of appreciation for your military service.” I did not know who she was until I received this week’s email from her. Adding to the meaningfulness of her gesture, Veteran’s Day is my birthday.
 
Thank you, Joyce, for having the courage to share this heart-wrenching story. We all have Brian in our thoughts and prayers. Life is delicate; situations can change in a second. Keep those emergency contacts in your wallet.
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This newsletter, On life and love after 50, is the only newsletter Tom publishes. If you have friends who would like to receive it, they can sign up by going to the following website. It's a little confusing, because the website is Finding Love After 60. The newsletter is On life and love after 50, but this website is where you sign up for it:
 http://www.FindingLoveAfter60.com

Tom's other websites:

http://www.Findingloveafter50.com

http:www.VicSta.com

http://www.TravelAfter55.com