Thursday, June 30, 2016

Senior dating issue: dating when a spouse has Alzheimer's

 Part 2 – More On Life and Love after 50 newsletter readers' (Champs') comments on Alzheimer’s and dating

Tom P Blake
Shirley, “I’m a monogamous dame, and do not tolerate ‘playing’ while married, but the Alzheimer’s has a dreadful effect on a family, and especially on the caregiver. Also, adult children who judge are ignorant of what really happens. I’ve had numerous nurses’ aides--because of my disability--and they’ve told me about the impact of the disease on their other patients. Alzheimer's is a living death for caretakers."

Barbara, “I find with great heartache that people can't find it in their heart to want men or women to find some happiness while they are still able to. “My husband was dying of bone cancer and he made me promise to find someone to share the rest of my life with, mattered not kids or kids, but do what was right for me with his blessing.

“So a man and a woman need to be open with each other no matter how the health issue may come about. Kids need to know about this and this is what their parents have decided on, be open-minded folks, there is no right way or wrong way to this situation, give a lot of love to one another and look at what both mom and dad want.”

David, in speaking of the man whose wife has Alzheimer’s, said, “You need to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you can self-righteously criticize them. Also, no one who offered an opinion had any understanding of what it’s like to be an isolated caregiver in a hostile environment especially if you still feel young and vibrant enough to move on with your life.

“I think the gentleman ought to be commended for his continuing love and devotion to a wife who is vanishing in front of him and the lady ought to be commended for waiting to build a new relationship and offer support. These two would probably be best served keeping their relationship private and between themselves only until the medical situation resolves itself.”

This ends a thread of discussions on a man who is dating when his wife has Alzheimer's and the frustration his woman friend feels as the other woman.

50 Plus Life Online Newspaper


  1. I have an older male friend whose wife has Alzheimers and I live with my ailing grandmother. Although he and she are still living under the same roof he feels as if he's going home to an empty house because the woman he has been married to 40 years is fading away day by day. He has been and still is working around the clock every week, without taking a day off, so that when the time comes he can afford to put her in a memory care unit since medicare would require him to liquidate all their assets before paying anything out.
    I'm a single mother of 3 teenagers and live with my ailing grandmother. I want to move but I'm afraid to leave her to her own accord. Her health is rapidly declining for no other reason than old age but she's in denial and continues to push herself beyond her body's capabilities. She falls frequently, her eyesight is limited, and she has had serious heart problems.
    Anyone that condemns or judges another person for not living up to society's or their standards is also sinning. Where is the compassion for the caregivers who give up their wants to care for another? Human beings are social creatures. We all need and want someone who we can lean on and cares about us. Caregivers already go up and beyond their moral obligations so why is it so morally wrong for them to tend to their own emotional needs? Loneliness and severe, chronic stress can actually kill a person...but I'm assuming that's irrelevant to most of y'all as long as he and/or I don't break any of the rules?!?!
    Here's a thought...stop passing judgement on other people's decisions when you're not the one living their life. Just saying

    1. Cassie,

      I couldn't agree with you more. How can people judge when they haven't walked in your shoes. So, no arguments here. Thanks for writing and commenting