Showing posts with label Tom Blake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tom Blake. Show all posts

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Senior Online Dating: Two women, two different experiences

Senior online dating: Two women: two different experiences

By Tom Blake

Online dating is one of the tools seniors can use for meeting a mate. Two women contacted me this week, sharing their vastly different online dating experiences. One found success; the other frustration.

Cheryl said, “I would like to share my recent good fortune and experience with online dating. I began corresponding with a widower in October, 2015, on the dating site OK Cupid, which allows subscribers to write detailed information on their profile and also offers thousands of questions that can be answered on a variety of topics. I have been divorced twice. 

‘When we started corresponding, he had answered nearly 500 questions, and I had answered over 600, and we both had added comments to many of our answers. So we already knew a lot about each other.  

“We remained on the site communicating for a few weeks before moving to personal emails, both agreed to progress slowly and eventually we moved to phone calls and then to Skype. This occurred over a period of several months.  

“Early on, I verified information he gave me (checked his website and ‘Googled’ him). Our correspondence enabled us to learn more about each other and gain confidence in our relationship. We are both 69 and live 600 miles apart. When I flew to meet him in April, there were no surprises. We totally enjoyed each other's company and made a commitment to continue to develop our relationship.  

“He drove to my home in July. We spent two and a half weeks together during which time he met my family, friends, and my church family.
Everyone ‘approved’ of him! We have been blessed to have found love and have made a commitment to travel ‘the rest of the journey’ together.  

“Our correspondence and willingness to be totally open and honest with each other along with both of us wanting a long-term relationship were the keys to our success.”

Cheryl’s point about both of them wanting a long-term relationship is vital to relationship success. Also, she and her man emphasized the benefit of using Skype before meeting in person.

She said, “Skype enables each person to see the other's facial reactions and enhances the intimacy of the communication. We both feel that Skyping before meeting in person made us feel much more comfortable with each other when we did meet than if we hadn't Skyped.  

“During my 15 months online, I encountered some suspected scammers, whom I reported to the site. But I also met and/or communicated with some really nice, caring men. My online dating experience was very positive. I will be moving to live with him in September.

“He often says, ‘life sings,’ and we feel very lucky to be singing a duet.”

The second woman, Annise, was married 25 years before becoming a widow six years ago. After many online dating attempts, she met a wonderful man who later died in a plane crash.

She said, “I jumped back on the Internet and have met and dated a few interesting and scary fellows, including a lawyer, who wore more jewelry than I, a convicted felon, a recovering alcoholic who is mixed up with lots of baggage, a man who prefers non-English speaking women because they are more subservient, and many other characters. Anyway, I’ve been trying!  

She said, “Yikes! What am I doing wrong? Being widowed, I have a better than average appreciation for time; that ‘Life is short’ jingle is brutally true. I would rather spend time in a relationship than spend time in online dating.”

Despite the tragedies that Annise has endured, she continues to have a sense of humor and zest for life. One of her requirements of the men she is meeting: “He cannot be at war with his ex.”

Internet-wise, the only suggestion I have is she might try other dating websites to avoid meeting so many bizarre characters. Other than that, Annise’s energy, positive attitude, resiliency, and determination to never give up looking for a mate are what it takes to find success in senior dating.

Seniors who use the Internet for dating should proceed slowly, and must be prepared for any quirk that might surface. But love can be found, as Cheryl experienced.




Saturday, August 6, 2016

Tom Blake's Interview with Chicken Soup's Mark Victor Hansen - 10 Dating Tips

On Life and Love after 50  Newsletter

Tom Blake's Interview with Chicken Soup's Mark Victor Hansen. His 10 dating tips still hold true today


I am in the process of updating my Finding Love after 50 website, which entails editing more than 200 articles that I wrote 10 to 15 years ago. One article I came across was an interview I had with Mark Victor Hansen, co-creator of the best-selling series "Chicken Soup for the Soul"  and co-author of "The One Minute Millionaire."

                                   
                         Tom and Mark Victor Hansen - 2003
Hansen was considered in 2003, when I interviewed him, as America's leading expert on human potential; his business letterhead described him as "America's Master Motivator." He is extremely personable, positive and likeable as well. The interview was about middle-aged and senior dating. His answers to my questions are as important today as they were in 2003. I added the italics.

Tom: “Where should middle-age and senior singles go to jump-start their lives and meet a potential mate?”

Mark: “They should volunteer by test-tasting 12 different groups to find the one or ones most suitable for them. There may be 100 people at each meeting; that's 1,200 people from whom to choose.

“If you want quality dating - a good relationship, great thinking, possibility for travel, good belongingness, somebody with high self-confidence, high self-esteem, who is trying to make a difference at whatever level - you'll find people like that in volunteer groups.”

Tom: “What advice can you give singles who say they can never trust again?”

Mark: “You have to have self-trust before you can trust others.

“All of us are on a spiritual path and all get betrayed. From forgiveness you go back to deep self-trust. You realize you aren't alone, and that's one of the things the "Chicken Soup" books help people with. Most people need a deeper process rebuilding trust than from a 20-minute church sermon.

(While discussing divorce, Mark asked if I had written a book. I told him my book - scheduled for publication May, 2003, – Finding Love After 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do, will help divorced and widowed people).

                                                    

                                            Tom's Book on Amazon.com

Mark said, "You've got a market of at least 20 million there. In doing research for our upcoming book, 'Chicken Soup for the Divorced Soul' (publication in 2005), we learned that the divorce rate is 150 percent in America, which means people who get divorced get divorced multiple times.

"Americans don't know how to grieve and one thing you've got to grieve is your divorce. It takes a year and a half to heal at a minimum, and more time for women than men."

Tom: “I tell singles they should know the qualities that are right for them in a potential mate. Some say that makes love too scripted. They believe love should ‘just happen.’ What's your opinion?”

Mark: “That's the way 16-year-olds think, and it gets them in trouble. People must know what's right for them.”

Tom: “Many older people complain that the singles they meet are too set in their ways and not relationship material.”

Mark: “The new (lifestyle) model, especially in California, is not to get hard in your attitudes. Take a guy like Art Linkletter – he skis six weeks a year and surfs six weeks a year. My daughter can't believe he catches air for 30 feet at a time. He's happily married, but he's as alive and enticing to women as he is to men.

“So, the complaint goes back to the ones who complain. If men or women aren't growing, then they won't find others who are growing. And about gray power - no one should give up their sex life or their life at all.”

Tom: “Can a relationship where two people have a 20-year-age difference work?”

Mark: “We're going into a new age I call the age of the soul. We ask, how does my soul relate to your soul? Are our souls comfortable? Is the essence of my being there? The essence of my being has nothing to do with chronology. A 20-year-age gap is irrelevant, assuming people are spiritually mature and they've done some self-work and introspection.”

Tom: “You're one of the marketing geniuses in the world: Do you think singles should use marketing techniques - such as the Internet, personal ads, networking and dating services – to try to meet someone?”

Mark: “Absolutely. Everyone's got to learn to market him or herself. Do marketing that rocks; it will help bring love back into your life.”

Tom: “Can people who elect to remain single lead a happy life on their own?”

Mark: “Only if they've done a lot of self-work and made themselves feel comfortable with themselves. What I teach on self-esteem is a trinity: 'I like me, I like me alone, and I like me with other people.' Most people have never done the ‘I like me’ step.

“You must have positive, correct self-love first. If I'm in a bonded relationship and don't have self-love first, I won't be OK.”

Tom: “How can people keep a relationship alive and fresh?”

Mark: “Read love books to each other once a month, then discuss them and say on a scale of 1 to 10, where is our relationship? If it's less than a 7, what do we do to get back to a 7? No relationship operates at a 10 full time. Most couples never have that kind of a conversation.”

                      
          Couples should read to each other without falling asleep

Mark's final advice for older singles: "Have lots of friends. Stay active. Get out and meet new people. If you've got the intention to pay attention, you'll get the perfect retention of your love."
Orange County is blessed to have Mark Victor Hansen as one of its leaders.

In re-reading this interview in 2016, Mark’s advice still applies. He is a genius. Here are 10 highlights of what Mark Victor Hansen said:

1. To jump-start one’s life, volunteer trying at least 12 different charities or groups to find the right one for you
2. To trust again, you have to trust yourself, which starts with forgiveness
3. When going through a divorce, you have to grieve. It takes at least a year and a half to recover
4. Singles looking for a mate must know the qualities they seek in a mate
5. No one should give up their sex life
6. Regarding dating someone older or younger, Hansen said, “A 20-year-age gap is irrelevant, assuming people are spiritually mature and they've done some self-work and introspection.”
7. Singles must learn how to market themselves
8. To be in a bonded relationship, you must love yourself first
9. No relationship operates at a level-10 all of the time. Communication between couples helps refresh relationships and keeps them at a high level
10. Have lots of friends. Get out and meet new people (Gee, where have you heard that before?)

Note from Tom: In 2008, Hansen and co-creator Jack Canfield sold Chicken Soup for the Soul. The new owners have carried on. As of 2016, 110 million copies have been sold.

I hope Champs found this interview with Mark Victor Hansen as inspiring and informative as I did.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

50plus Life: 14 G's of dating for mature adults

Special for 50plus Life                   June 2016 edition

The 14 G’s of dating for mature adults

By Tom P Blake
   
Seniors often ask me for dating tips. What can they do as they grow older to meet a prospective mate? Here are my 14 G’s for senior dating.

1. Get off couch and out of the house. This advice is always the first I mention. It’s so simple and yet so important

2. Get involved in activities you enjoy where you will meet new people. Unsure of where to go? Check out www.Meetup.com for a list of clubs and activities in your area. There are thousands of activities across the USA. Granted, some are for the younger set; simply weed out those choices. And the site is free!

3. Go alone to these activities if you have to, if you can’t find a friend or group of friends. Granted, this isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do, but it still beats sitting home alone wishing you were somewhere else

4. Get organized. Don’t wait to plan for upcoming holidays. If you have nowhere to go for July 4th, for example, consider volunteering. Try an activity that makes you feel good; nothing is better than helping others. Plan ahead for other holidays as well. Invite others who have nothing planned to your home for a small potluck dinner party. Start rounding up your single friends now

5. Go out to enrich your life, but not with the sole purpose of seeking a mate. If the only reason you go out is to find someone, you will become discouraged and frustrated because meeting someone may not happen right away. It might not happen at all. But if you go out to broaden your horizons and enjoy new experiences, just getting out is a great accomplishment

6. Get it in gear. Meeting new people, making new friends, and finding a mate at this stage in our lives requires energy and making a concerted effort. It’s like seeking a job in the current economy, which is difficult. The people who are successful work the hardest at networking and putting resumes out there. The same goes for meeting a mate, make the process as important as you would if you were seeking a job

7. Get assertive. Note, I am not saying aggressive, but assertive, there is a big difference. Start conversations with strangers--on a plane, standing in line at the post office or at the bank, waiting for your car to be washed, in line at Starbucks-anywhere there are people waiting and biding time. If you see someone who looks kind, warm or friendly, don’t hesitate to make a simple comment or ask him (or her) a question--how he likes the book he’s reading or the car he’s driving. This tip applies especially to women

8. Gain flexibility. Open your mind to new avenues, new cultures, and new thinking

9. Gain efficiency. Don’t waste time by playing games. Either people are interested in a relationship or they aren’t. If you meet someone who you think might be a potential partner, and the excuses start flowing, or the games begin, move on

10. Gain confidence. Improve your appearance; add exercise to your daily regimen. Eat healthy foods. Take care of yourself. You will have more positive energy, which will make you a more desirable person. Present a positive attitude. A smile is the ticket to making yourself approachable and likeable, both necessary when you are seeking a new mate

11. Grieve and heal before you begin looking for a new mate. If you’ve recently lost a spouse or partner, give it all the time you need. But that doesn’t mean you don’t go out to enrich your life and be involved with new people. That helps to overcome loneliness. Your life is not over, it has just changed

12. Gain knowledge and insight through learning and enjoying new experiences. Go back to school. Take an acting class. Travel

13. Go gray. Remind yourself that being single later in life isn’t so bad, in fact it’s pretty darned good. It gives you the freedom to do and pursue whatever you want

14. Give yourself credit and a pat on the back from time-to-time. After all, you’ve made it this far in life. And, there’s a lot of life ahead to live.





Thursday, March 10, 2016

Cuba - Feb 14 - Feb 22 2016


On life and love after 50 newsletter

Tom P Blake

Seniors explore Cuba Feb 14 - 22 2016



 Dateline – Havana, Cuba

Greta, my life partner, and I traveled to Cuba for one week on a people-to-people educational exchange tour.

Day 1

Greta and I departed LAX on Valentine’s Day and flew to Miami. That night, the tour group gathered in a Crowne Plaza Hotel conference room for an initial briefing by a representative of HIA Travel (Chicago-based), the company that organized the trip.

There were 43 alumni in our group from colleges across the USA, including 14 who booked reservations through five different University of California campuses. Greta, a graduate of UC Irvine, was the only person from her school.
Other universities represented were Rutgers, Michigan, Purdue, Miami, DePauw, Cornell, Indiana, Kansas and Colorado College.

Traveling with us: Vivian, a bi-lingual Cuban guide, Simona, a tri-lingual guide from Italy, and Ernesto, a wonderful Cuban bus driver. Four of the women shared rooms; one traveled alone. There were 39 couples in the group and five single women (no single men). Other than their spouses, most people did not know each other beforehand.

All of us were seniors age 60 to mid-80, except for one younger couple, who were traveling with the wife’s parents. Most were retired. All had interesting backgrounds and histories. There were two scientists, five doctors, a dentist, teachers, nurses, and one guy who used to own a deli.

Day 2

On Monday, February 15, group members had to arrive at the airport four hours before departure because processing of visas and paperwork for travel to Cuba—even with an educational group-- takes time. We flew on a chartered American Airlines 737 from Miami to Santa Clara, Cuba, which is located in the central part of the country.

After landing, bus driver Ernesto drove us for three hours to the Hotel Memories Paraiso Azul, a huge resort on Cuba’s north shore. The resort reminded me of the old Club Med’s of 40-50 years ago. The members of our group were gradually getting to know each other.

At the hotel, currency was exchanged for the Cuban tourist peso, called the CUC. Credit cards are still not accepted in most places in Cuba. There is a 12% fee for exchanging American money. The Cuban people are required to use a different peso, called a PUC, which is valued at only 4% of the CUC. The dual currency system there is screwy and confusing.

For the first three days, we were on the bus a lot: day one, 3 hours (after 5 hours getting to Cuba); days two and three, 8 hours each.

                                              Day 3

On day three, our bus passed through farmlands and small towns to the historic city of Trinidad, a UNESCO World Heritage site. There, we were invited into the private home of Mata, a well-known Cuban painter. He and his wife served coffee as we viewed his paintings. One woman purchased two of Mata’s paintings.

Also in Trinidad, we were entertained by an Afro-Cuban band in a club. Afro-Cuban music is popular in Cuba, mixing the African heritage of Cuba with the Latin America heritage. Many of our group danced onstage with the band’s vocalists.

That night, we arrived in the city of Cienfuegos, located on the south coast of Cuba. Dinner was served at a private home that had been converted into a restaurant. For all of our lunches and dinners, the first item served was the Cuban drink, Mojito, a popular rum concoction with sugar, lime and mint leaves.
When Greta and I went to our room at the Hotel Jagua, we had difficulty getting the door to unlock. 

Our guide Simona came up to help and pointed out to us that we were occupying the room in which Fidel Castro had slept on August 18, 1960, which indicates how old the hotel was. The ghost of Fidel Castro, who is still living, didn’t appear that night, but in the morning, the shower doors were wet as if someone had taken a shower during the night (and it wasn’t either one of us).

Day 4

The following day, on the anticipated five-hour bus ride to Havana, the bus got a flat tire. Luckily, we were near a truck stop that served ice cream, soft drinks, beer, and rum. It took three hours to change the tire. Three young, shirtless, Cuban men appeared out of the night, and were able to help get a replacement tire on. They did not want tips but were given some anyway. Not one person complained about the wait. In fact, the group made the best of the inconvenience. A couple of bottles of Havana Club rum were shared, which, of course, helped the cause.

An interesting thing happened to me during the stay at the truck stop. A few of us struck up a conversation with a Cuban man. He said he was born during the Cuban Missile Crisis in September, 1962, and that his mother could see the U.S. Navy warships from the hospital room in Havana.

I told him I had been in the Cuban Missile Crisis, also in September, assigned to a Naval warship, but had spent most of my time in San Juan, Puerto Rico. So there we were 53 years later, meeting at a truck stop, both having been on opposite sides of the standoff, not too many miles apart. We bonded like brothers. We exchanged email addresses. When he said good-bye, he had tears in his eyes. (OK, I admit, I did also).

Five days later, in Miami, I received an email from him.
The bus made it to Havana, but was whisked away for servicing.

Day 5
   
Our hotel in Havana for five nights was the majestic, 21-story Melia Cohiba, which was opened in 1995. We were 100 yards from the ocean. There were other high-rise hotels nearby. The room assigned to Greta and me was on the 13th floor. Each morning, between 4:45 a.m. and 6 a.m., I could hear a rooster crow from the neighborhood down below.

That rooster crowing among big hotels represented Cuba to me: relatively new buildings mixed in with the old neighborhoods, side-by-side. Hens and roosters roaming free. As Havana grows with tourism and new hotels, the locals want the old buildings to be renovated, retained, but not torn down. Keeping the charm of historical Havana is a top priority to the locals.

Guides Simona and Vivian surprised the group the next morning by having 11 old American convertibles, each a different color and make of car, and all with tops down, pick us up at the hotel and drive us around Old Havana. Our caravan turned many heads around town.

                              Tom and Greta in a 1956 Buick Special
 
During lunch, driver Ernesto appeared and gave us the thumbs- up—the bus was repaired and ready to go. The group applauded him. He had become an important part of the cameraradie that had grown among us. He was a very careful driver. I can’t tell you the number of times he had to stop or slow down for cows, dogs, goats, people, horse and buggies, bicycles and motor scooters.
The meals on this trip were incredible. 

Everything was fresh—tropical fruit, black beans, rice, chicken, seafood, and pork. Most wines were from Chile. Cuban beer was great. Bottled water was served with all meals and was always available on the bus. You even brushed your teeth with bottled water. I have to give lots of credit to HIA travel for putting together such a fascinating itinerary with exceptional guides.

That afternoon, we were driven to the home of Ernest Hemingway, about 40 minutes outside of Havana. Doors and windows of the house were open but tourists are not allowed inside. However, one could see nearly the entire home by peeking in the openings. Hemingway is considered a hero in Cuba. On the grounds, we observed juice being compressed through a wringer by two young men out of sugar cane sticks.

Day 6

On day six, we had a tour of a cigar factory where 17,000 cigars are hand-made daily. We were told, “Absolutely no photos in the factory.” However, before we left the floor where the cigars were rolled, our factory guide winked at us and suggested a quick picture with our cell phone camera would be overlooked. Here is the photo:

                                               Cigar Factory

Each U.S. citizen can bring a combination of Cuban cigars and rum worth $100 into the states. Greta and I spent about half of our allotment on both in the cigar factory gift shop. By the way, Cuban souvenirs and trinkets are very inexpensive in Cuba.

Our group, being on an educational tour, enjoyed lectures by two college professors and other experts. We learned about Cuban history, the revolution and overthrow of Batista, and how Cuba is embracing the free world, but faces many challenges along the way. We learned about the heroes and villains; Jose Marti, Che Guevara, and Fidel Castro are highly regarded here. Batista is despised.

Places visited: elementary school, senior nursing home, eco-friendly community and two highly-regarded Cuban dance studios. Some members of our group brought gifts and essentials with them for school children and seniors. Items like pencils, pens, toilet paper, are greatly appreciated. One night, we enjoyed Cuba Libres (rum and Coke) and a one-hour salsa lesson from six young men and women atop a hotel overlooking Havana.

Speaking of toilet paper, it is in short supply in Cuba. Some restrooms along the highways have no toilet paper so locals carry their own. Even Simona carried extra in case any of our group needed some. And many toilets in public places have no toilet seats---you can visualize for yourself.

At the University of Havana, one young student gave us an informative talk and a walking tour of the campus. Education in Cuba is paid for by the government, all the way through college, including medical, law, and engineering schools.

Day 7

On the day before we departed, we took a 1 ½ hour bus ride from Havana to the Pinar Del Rio, the most western province to an eco-friendly socialist community called Las Terrazas, established in the 1980s, that provides housing, food, and medical care to more than 1200 people. All of the food for the people is organic, grown on the land, which was replanted after the forests were depleted by logging 50 years ago.

A five-course lunch was served at a vegetarian restaurant at the community with unique entrees like banana soup, black-bean soup and fruit/vegetable soup.
Day 8

After the group members checked out of the Melia Cohiba Hotel at 8 a.m., the bus headed back to the arrival city of Santa Clara. On the way, we passed sugar cane fields and fields of corn. But much of the land between Havana and Santa Clara, while having a rich, fertile soil, has not been developed. Our guide explained that because there are no communities where farmers could live, this land goes uncultivated. You see no John Deere farm equipment in Cuba, only old tractors left behind by the Russians when they departed in 1998.

Our final stops before going to the airport were at the Che Guevara memorial and just a couple of miles from there, the actual train wreck and bulldozer that Che used to dislodge the tracks, causing the derailment in 1958, of the train carrying 400 loyal Batista soldiers who were onboard. (This is the story our group was told by our tour leaders; I've have heard other versions). Guevara’s loyal band of 20 revolutionaries either killed or took prisoner all of the soldiers.

The train derailment was the catalyst for Batista to flee the country two days later.

And then, within one mile from the airport, the engine of the bus starting making a noise that sounded like something had blown: a tire, muffler, gasket, or piston rod. We all looked at each other and said, “Oh no.” But, Ernesto was able to ease the bus to the airport.

By the end of the eight days together, many friendships had been formed among our group. A few (12 or so) became ill on the trip with gastro-intestinal problems, lasting for a day or two.

Tour guide Vivian took advantage of time on the bus to educate us on all aspects of Cuban culture and history. Her English was near perfect and her demeanor friendly. And tour guide Simona always looked out for our well-being and reminded us to recycle everything. And while rare, she told us to be careful in a couple of locations for pickpockets. As always while traveling, being vigilant is important.

Greta and I found the beautiful people of Cuba very welcoming of Americans. They seemed to be thrilled that we were in Cuba and that relations between our two countries are warming. And in the rest of our group, all seemed to feel the same way.


It was truly a wonderful learning experience. We all hoped that Ernesto was able to get back to his family in Havana that night.

For more in-depth coverage, and lots of photos, go to this website and click on the yellow 'Cuba 2016' box.


Tom's other websites:







Sunday, February 14, 2016

50plus LIFE - On Life and Love after 50 - 10 tips for finding a mate

50plus  LIFE – Feb 14, 2016

On Life and Love after 50

By Tom P. Blake

Greetings, Introductions, and Tom’s 10 tips for finding a mate

I am honored, especially on Valentine’s Day, to be introduced to your newspaper. I have a warm spot in my heart for Pennsylvania. My mother was born in Erie.

My column started when two female editors in Dana Point, Calif., gave me my first writing assignment. I had just gone through a divorce and thought dating would be easy. It turned out to be difficult, and I wrote about the frustrations of a single guy in his early 50s trying to date again.

I complained and whined that younger women wouldn’t go out with me and women my age expected me to pay for dates.

The editors felt that the single women in Southern California would have a field day taking potshots at my woe-is-me message.

They were right. When my first column ran, a woman said: “Who is this sniveling puke?” Another said, “Get the boy a crying towel.”

Women told me my writing became less controversial and more palatable when I started dating my life partner, Greta.

I’ve written approximately 3,500 articles and newsletters on finding love, in the later years, and writing on this topic has been good to me. I’ve published four books and have been interview by Matt Lauer on the Today show and Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America—humbling.

My writing scope has broadened from finding love after 50 to “On life and love after 50,” as older singles deal with life issues often beyond the scope of just dating and seeking love.

My advice is applicable to anyone age 50 to 90. Yes, I know people in their 90s who have found love who can show affection towards each other similar to a couple of teenagers.

While my articles target singles, approximately 35 percent of my readers are married. Many tell me that reading about the hardships singles endure encourages them to appreciate their spouses more and they work harder at making their marriages last.

My advice to married couples is usually pretty simple: Stay together and work out the issues.

Let’s have fun together. Maybe we can help some older singles find love. But to continue writing about senior dating, I need input from readers—your questions, comments, and stories about life and love after 50.

Email me at tompblake@gmail.com and I will respond within a day or two, unless I am traveling overseas, which Greta and I try to do while we are healthy enough to go. Who knows? We might include you in a column.

One thing is certain: As more and more people become single later in life—due to divorce or the loss of a spouse—there are always new and challenging issues.

People often tell me, I never thought I’d be single at this stage in my life.” My hope is to help as many of them as possible.

My life partner Greta and I had dinner with a 78-year-old widower friend of ours after Christmas. As we were leaving the restaurant, he said, “I don’t want to be alone anymore. But I don’t know how to meet a potential mate. What do you advise?”

I put together a list that would help him get started. I call it Tom’s 10 tips for finding a mate. The tips apply to both men and women.

1. Let friends, family and acquaintances know that you’d like to meet other singles. That’s what Ken did with me. He let me know that he was rejoining the human race and wanted to meet new people. The more people he gets the word out to, the better his chances of finding someone. It’s called networking. And it works.

A week after Ken asked for advice, I received an email from a single woman in his city. I asked each one of them separately if they’d like to correspond. They said yes. Had Ken not mentioned his situation to me, I wouldn’t have thought about introducing them.

2.  Get off the couch and out of the house. You won’t meet anybody sitting at home. You need to be where you will meet new people. Sure, it takes energy and time, but it will give you a purpose. Attend weddings, reunions, church activities, dances and accept all invitations to events. Volunteer. Another widower I know volunteers at a nearby hospital twice a week and helps feed the homeless at his brother’s church twice a month. He’s met single women at both places.

3.  Go out to enrich your life and meet new people. Do not go out solely to find a mate. People looking too hard come off as desperate, and end up turning off the opposite sex. Often, it’s when we aren’t looking that we meet someone special.

4.  Pursue activities you enjoy where both sexes are involved. For guys repairing old cars, you likely won’t meet a potential mate. Ditto for women who are quilting.

5.  Get the body moving. Walk and exercise. Be friendly to folks you see along the way. Offer to walk with them if appropriate.

6.  Keep expectations in check. Meeting a potential mate won’t be easy but don’t give up. It takes time.

7.  Internet dating is one method of meeting potential mates. For people living in remote areas, online dating may be a necessity to meet new people. For people 50-plus, online dating is risky. There are scammers and evil people looking for vulnerable and lonely singles. However, it has worked for lots of couples. If a guy online sounds too good to be true, he is. Trust your instincts. Don’t be naïve.

8. Smile and be friendly, positive and upbeat. If you are in a post-office line, or a grocery-store line, be assertive by striking up a conversation--but don’t be overly-pushy about it.

9. Check out the website, http://www.Meetup.com. There is no cost and they have clubs and groups across the USA that cover all kinds of special interests. Pick some different ones and attend them. You will be enriching your life and making new friends.

10. Subscribe to my weekly On life and Love after 50 E-newsletter at www.FindingLoveAfter60.com. There is no cost. More than 1,000 singles ages 50-90 from across the USA share their experiences, frustrations and successes.

Above all, recharge your batteries and get out and meet new people. I’m betting our friend Ken will be up and running in no time.


For dating information, previous articles, or to sign up for Tom’s complimentary weekly e-newsletter, go to www.FindingLoveAfter60.com.