"On Life and Love After 60" newsletter
by: Tom P. Blake
Widower from West Texas wants to restart his life
I
received an interesting email from a 63-year-old widower this week. He would
like to meet a nice woman. I am sharing his story and would like Champs to
respond to his situation. Who knows? There might be a potential candidate
within our group who would enjoy exchanging information with him.
Larry
wrote, “I am still trying to restart my life; my wife of 40 years died of lung
cancer in early February. I’m coming to terms with my new reality, slowly, and
have decided that living alone for x number of years is not for me.
“My
problem is that I live in a very small town in a rural area of West Texas, and
consequently, my prospects here (of meeting someone) are virtually nonexistent.
“Moreover,
I can’t move as I am doing my best to preserve my daughter’s inheritance,
including a ranch, house, etc. I’ve looked at online dating/matching sites and
have been less than impressed with the way they operate. I have told some close
friends of my intention to get back into dating and hope they may eventually be
able to help.
“As
it stands now, I honestly don’t see any practical way of meeting someone who
would be remotely interesting (Tom’s words: “or who would be interested in such
a remote environment).”
“I
am just wondering if I’ve overlooked other options, angles, etc. I am 63, but
feel 43, am a retired US Army officer, a volunteer firefighter, have one adult,
married daughter. Would appreciate your advice as I feel like I have hit a
wall.”
Tom’s response: Larry, let’s look at
the positives in your situation:
-
First, you were a good husband who stood by your wife for 40 years. Be proud of
that and realize she would want you to be happy so pursue being happy with her
blessing.
-At
63, you are young and since you feel like 43, you are likely in great physical
shape. An attribute that single women appreciate.
-As
a retired Army officer, you likely have a pension and you own property so you
likely are financially ok. That is another plus.
-And
most important, you realize you don’t want to spend your remaining years by
yourself. Your grief is lifting a bit. As Gloria Estefan sang after her tour
bus crashed, “Coming out of the dark.”
So,
you have a lot going for you.
But,
you are shackled by your own thinking. That is understandable with what you
have gone through; after all, your wife has only been gone for four months. But
you can change your thinking and I feel you are taking the first steps to do
that.
Yes,
it will be very difficult to find a woman under the circumstances you described
because there aren’t many who live near you. And, if you did find someone,
would you be interested in her? And would she be willing to live so remotely?
And since you don’t want to use Internet dating, you are going to have to go
where the women are.
So,
rethink using the Internet for dating. Dab in it, give it a try, and see for
yourself. Maybe start with Match.com. Don’t expect miracles.
Next,
preserving your daughter’s inheritance. Do not sacrifice your chance at being
happy by remaining a hermit or recluse. That is ridiculous. Work something out
with her. Let her and her family take over the ranch now, and you get away and
travel or go live in a city like Dallas or Houston. Have an agreement that you
can always come home and stay for a while. Maybe they can pay you a stipend or
work out some other arrangement.
If
she is not willing to do that, then she probably doesn’t want the ranch after
all, so consider renting or selling it so you are not shackled by having to stay
there just for her.
The
most important thing you can do is to get away from the ranch, take some trips,
take a cruise, go visit some old Army buddies, and expand your life. By using
the Internet for dating, you might meet a woman in another city or state and
you could go visit her. I bet Joanne from Albuquerque, whom we wrote about last
week, would be willing to show you around her city.
Your
fate now is in your hands. Make it a priority to get away. I imagine there will
be some women Champs who would enjoy corresponding with you. If they email me,
I will forward their emails to you. Please keep us informed. Another option for Larry is to read my ebook, Widower Dating: Gold mine or Mine Field. The book can be found on smashwords.com, or in the bookstore at the link on the Finding Love After 60 website.
Link to Finding love after 60 website
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