"On Life and Love After 60" newsletter
by: Tom P. Blake
Widower from West Texas wants to restart his life
I received an interesting email from a 63-year-old widower this week. He would like to meet a nice woman. I am sharing his story and would like Champs to respond to his situation. Who knows? There might be a potential candidate within our group who would enjoy exchanging information with him.
Larry wrote, “I am still trying to restart my life; my wife of 40 years died of lung cancer in early February. I’m coming to terms with my new reality, slowly, and have decided that living alone for x number of years is not for me.
“My problem is that I live in a very small town in a rural area of West Texas, and consequently, my prospects here (of meeting someone) are virtually nonexistent.
“Moreover, I can’t move as I am doing my best to preserve my daughter’s inheritance, including a ranch, house, etc. I’ve looked at online dating/matching sites and have been less than impressed with the way they operate. I have told some close friends of my intention to get back into dating and hope they may eventually be able to help.
“As it stands now, I honestly don’t see any practical way of meeting someone who would be remotely interesting (Tom’s words: “or who would be interested in such a remote environment).”
“I am just wondering if I’ve overlooked other options, angles, etc. I am 63, but feel 43, am a retired US Army officer, a volunteer firefighter, have one adult, married daughter. Would appreciate your advice as I feel like I have hit a wall.”
Tom’s response: Larry, let’s look at the positives in your situation:
- First, you were a good husband who stood by your wife for 40 years. Be proud of that and realize she would want you to be happy so pursue being happy with her blessing.
-At 63, you are young and since you feel like 43, you are likely in great physical shape. An attribute that single women appreciate.
-As a retired Army officer, you likely have a pension and you own property so you likely are financially ok. That is another plus.
-And most important, you realize you don’t want to spend your remaining years by yourself. Your grief is lifting a bit. As Gloria Estefan sang after her tour bus crashed, “Coming out of the dark.”
So, you have a lot going for you.
But, you are shackled by your own thinking. That is understandable with what you have gone through; after all, your wife has only been gone for four months. But you can change your thinking and I feel you are taking the first steps to do that.
Yes, it will be very difficult to find a woman under the circumstances you described because there aren’t many who live near you. And, if you did find someone, would you be interested in her? And would she be willing to live so remotely? And since you don’t want to use Internet dating, you are going to have to go where the women are.
So, rethink using the Internet for dating. Dab in it, give it a try, and see for yourself. Maybe start with Match.com. Don’t expect miracles.
Next, preserving your daughter’s inheritance. Do not sacrifice your chance at being happy by remaining a hermit or recluse. That is ridiculous. Work something out with her. Let her and her family take over the ranch now, and you get away and travel or go live in a city like Dallas or Houston. Have an agreement that you can always come home and stay for a while. Maybe they can pay you a stipend or work out some other arrangement.
If she is not willing to do that, then she probably doesn’t want the ranch after all, so consider renting or selling it so you are not shackled by having to stay there just for her.
The most important thing you can do is to get away from the ranch, take some trips, take a cruise, go visit some old Army buddies, and expand your life. By using the Internet for dating, you might meet a woman in another city or state and you could go visit her. I bet Joanne from Albuquerque, whom we wrote about last week, would be willing to show you around her city.
Your fate now is in your hands. Make it a priority to get away. I imagine there will be some women Champs who would enjoy corresponding with you. If they email me, I will forward their emails to you. Please keep us informed. Another option for Larry is to read my ebook, Widower Dating: Gold mine or Mine Field. The book can be found on smashwords.com, or in the bookstore at the link on the Finding Love After 60 website.Link to Finding love after 60 website