On Life and Love After 60
By Thomas P. Blake November 7, 2014
A widower says this column is for women
Ellen, a Champ and long-time friend of mine, lives in
the Pacific Northwest. She and her partner Paul have been together for three
and a half years. Ellen wrote, “We sent last week’s newsletter to a relative
who is newly widowed after 60 years of marriage. He is a great guy, outgoing, in
good health, handsome, financially secure, and quite a catch at 80.
“He has
just started seeing a woman he knew from church.
It seems to be moving quickly. She is twice
divorced, 18 years younger, with a 27-year-old son living with her, who doesn't
drive. That first time with someone after being widowed is so powerful, you're
coming from a place of starvation and it feels sooooo good.
“He
commented that your newsletter is mostly for women. I noticed that all the
comments in this one were from women. I know the newsletter could be
beneficial for him.”
I told Ellen that her email is what inspired
today’s column. Her widower friend is correct in a way;
the newsletter is primarily written for and read by women. The reason:
Approximately 80 percent of newsletter subscribers are women, and they are the
ones who respond with questions, comments, personal experiences and
observations, as you did today.
It’s always been this way, going back to the column’s roots.
My first column, titled, “Living alone with only my dogs for
company,” ran in the local Dana Point, California, newspaper on July 4, 1994. I
had gone through an unexpected divorce and had captured my thoughts on paper.
The material had a-woe-is-me, I-got-screwed-in- my-divorce, and
younger-women-won’t-date-me, flavor to it. I showed the two editors, who were women,
my material. They liked the male-point-of-view--no men were writing about love
in those days--and gave me a chance.
What those two editors didn’t tell me was they privately felt
the women readers of Orange County would find my material so male-slanted and controversial,
it would stir them up big time. It did. I remember the first reader response. A
woman wrote, “Who is this sniveling puke?” Another said, “Why is it that
middle-aged geezers want to date 20-year olds?” Soon, we were off to the races
and the column was in 10 local papers. After that, it ran in the Orange County
Register for eight years.
Initially, I estimated the readership was 70 percent woman. As
I’ve grown older, the percentage of women readers has increased.
According to Census statistics, by age 60, the number of single
women in the USA outnumbers the number of single men by approximately three-to-one.
At age 70, it's closer to four-to-one. By age 80, six-or-seven to one. There
are simply many more single women than single men in the later years.
I see similar ratios at the Meet and Greet singles events I’ve
hosted at my deli for two and a half years. There are almost always two to three
times more women than men who attend. And I need to keep replenishing with new
men because women gobble them up and then don’t want their new boyfriends to
attend any more. I know of approximately 15 men who don’t come back because
they met their new main squeeze there. And sadly, two of our regular guys have
recently passed away.
When men respond to the newsletter,
or send in questions or opinions, they often make very valid points. I usually
use their information because women still want to hear the male point-of-view. Some of the men I have recently quoted--Jon
from Olympia, Washington, Ken and Chris from Orange County, California, and Art
from Florida, for example--really hit the nail on the head with their comments.
And then there are some men who make
no sense at all, but not many.
From what Ellen wrote about her widower
relative, it sounds like he is moving quickly. But, who am I to judge if this
is right or wrong? While his new woman friend is 18-years-younger, he may be
happy with her and willing to accept her 27-year-old son as part of the
package. I would just caution him to protect his assets and to ensure his
estate plan is written the way he wants it.
Still, the widower could benefit from
newsletter information that might help him avoid making mistakes that he would
later regret. I published an ebook that could be helpful to him titled,
“Widower Dating. Gold Mine or Mine Field?” That can be downloaded to one’s computer
or reading device at www.Smashwords.com.
While I am on the subject of this
newsletter and that it is read primarily by women, a somewhat related issue was
presented to me at last week’s Meet and Greet. A woman I had never met
approached me and handed me a folded, hand-written note. I was busy so I put
the piece of paper in my pocket for later reading.
At home, Greta said she had seen the
woman hand me the note and was just curious,
of course, about its contents. We read it together. It said: “What do you think
about doing a ‘His’ and ‘Her’ point-of-view in each of your articles? I’m 59
and would be interested writing it if there is an interest.”
My thoughts on shared writing of this column: Every week I include at least one woman’s point-of-view,
usually more than that as Ellen pointed out. The last thing I need is to try to
co-ordinate weekly articles to include one exclusive woman’s point-of-view.
There isn’t time or money to do that.
Also, why would I--after 20 years of
scratching out these columns and newsletters every week on own--be willing to
allow someone to ride on my hard-earned coattails? Would doing so make the
column more enjoyable to read for women, my primary support group? I don’t
think so.
Besides, my current newspaper editor,
also a woman, is the one who decides how the newspaper column will be formatted.
The woman who wrote the note would have to approach her. And, the big boss, the
newspaper publisher, hired me because he wants the male-point-of-view.
So, if anything, I need more male-points-of
view in my columns. And believe me, getting them is as hard to come by as
getting new men to attend our singles functions.
But that doesn’t mean I will stop
trying.
