Newsletter 2016 #6 Madam Secretary and Chemistry update

Madam Secretary and Chemistry update

On life and love after 50 newsletter

February 5, 2016

Tom P. Blake

Madam Secretary

Champ Mark emailed, “Do you watch “Madam Secretary” on CBS Sunday nights? A main story line in the latest episode (January 31) involved the swindling of an older man via an online dating site, and how that played a major part in his suicide. The writing in those scenes was taken from your columns, or so it seems.”

I told Mark that I did not watch that episode, but Greta did and told me about it. I answered, “Doubt if it was taken from my columns, but preventing romance scams from happening is one of our goals.”

After Mark’s question, I went online and watched it. In the episode, Madam Secretary’s husband’s father was the older man. He was lonely and went on a dating site. A scammer trolled the site and made contact with the man.

The scammer sent a picture ostensibly of herself, but it was taken from the Internet of an actress in Hollywood; the old man framed it and put the picture on his mantle. The scammer told the old man that she was too busy to meet him in person for the time being, but needed a loan. He gave it to the scammer, thinking he was helping the pretty woman who loved him.

When he discovered he’d been scammed, he committed suicide by taking an entire bottle of hydrocodone, a dangerous pain medication.

An investigation revealed that the scammer was the old man’s friend, a man who lived nearby. In the episode, that man scammer came to the house to give his condolences to the family. Later, the scammer was arrested.

The episode did not get into a lot of details about the scam. But, the messages were clear:

-Anybody can be anybody online. Do not trust anyone until you meet in person and get to know that person well

             - Do not send money to someone you’ve never met unless you don’t expect to get it back

·        - Don’t fall in love with an image

·        -Meet the person face-to-face as soon as possible

Thanks to Champ Mark for reminding me of that episode.

Chemistry update

You may recall that last October we ran two consecutive newsletters on the subject of chemistry. A male Champ shared with us that his girlfriend of four months told him she didn’t feel chemistry toward him.

The following week, we included 20 responses to his situation. Most Champs, but not all, felt he should move on. The feeling was, at his age, why waste a lot of time?

This week--3 ½ months later--he emailed an update: “Last night was our last date. I still don’t ‘light her fire’ and she doesn’t want me to waste my time on her and wants me to find someone who will fill my needs.”

He hopes she will change her mind. He added, “I just can’t erase my feelings for her and move on. I loved my girlfriend of three years in high school…I loved my wife for 50+ years and still do and always will…I also ‘loved’ this lady knowing full well where it could end.

“So, it will be awhile, if ever, before I try the dating scene again.” He is now 73.

But, is he really done with her? He added, “We have three more event tickets to the venue where we saw Travis Tritt last night and it’s likely we will go as friends.” So, he still keeps hanging on, although it was their last date (as boyfriend/girlfriend).

This is a nice man. I checked him out online and he has a successful business. I just hate to see him go through more pain by taking her to three more concerts. I wish he could take someone else to those events. His situation reminds me of words from Garth Brooks’ song, The Dance: I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance.

Not only is finding a compatible mate difficult after 70, but once you do, dating that person isn’t exactly a snap either.

Garth Brooks singing The Dance

At 75, love can take on many forms

On Love and Life After 60

By Thomas P. Blake  November 14, 2014

At 75, love can take on many forms

As we age, love can be experienced in more ways than in just having a partner or seeking a partner. I was reminded of that last Tuesday night.

I never receive snail mail on my birthday. Even back when November 11 was called Armistice Day, the mail didn’t come. Now it’s called Veterans Day and the post office still closes on that day. November 11 has always been a low-key day for me, perhaps because I’m a vet and grateful I never was in an actual battle in my three and a half years of Naval duty. I’m not into fanfare, gifts, or parties on my birthday.

November 11, however, is special to me mainly because it was my mom’s birthday as well.

Tuesday morning, as I headed off to work at my deli, Greta said, “Remember, we are going out for a nice birthday dinner so try to get some rest.” I noted that she didn’t say where we were going, but she does that every year; we always go to a nice restaurant.

I arrived at Tutor and Spunky's, my Dana Point, California deli, hoping that my employees would just finesse the day and not do the gifts, cards, and other thoughtful things they do about 20 times a year, when there is an employee’s birthday. They greeted with hugs and “Happy Birthday” and that was about it. Whew, I was relieved.

Business was light that day. Around 2 p.m., Rosalinda, an employee of 26 years, said, “It’s slow today. Why not take the afternoon off and enjoy your birthday?”

I said, “It’s slow because it’s Veterans Day, why don’t you close early?”

Rosa said, “We will.” And I went home.

When Greta came home at 5:30 p.m. from her afternoon of volunteering at the Ocean Institute, she said, “Put on some nice clothes, remember, we’re going to dinner.” Still no indication from her of where. I was going to suggest pizza at home but didn’t want to be a Grinch.

Guys can get ready in a minute or two to go out. It seemed to me that she was taking her time. And then she said she needed to check her emails. I thought that perhaps our dinner reservation wasn’t until 6:15 or 6:30 and that she was merely stalling a bit. My sister Pam telephoned from San Diego to wish me a Happy Birthday.

Greta drove. We headed south on Pacific Coast Highway. That’s how I usually get to work. Then she turned on the street before the deli that leads down to Dana Point Harbor. I thought we might be going to the Harbor Grill or Harpoon Henry’s, or another of the fine restaurants down there. But, Greta made a quick left turn onto the street behind the deli. I thought, “Oh no, something is up.” But as we passed the deli’s rear deck, I noticed it was dark inside the restaurant so my suspicions of a party at the deli passed.

Then, Greta turned into the deli parking lot. The deli was dark, but I could see some balloons in the window. On the front door, there was a hand-written sign, “Closed. Private party.” We walked into the darkened dining room and then the lights came on and 35 employees, friends and family jumped up and shouted, “Happy Birthday.”

The first couple standing there was my sister Pam and her husband Bob, obviously not in San Diego.

The employees were dressed to the nines, having discarded their aprons for dress-up clothes. There were at least 35 hugs, probably more. Love filled the dining room.

Greta’s nephew, Jake Woodruff, is a musician. About six months ago, Greta and I saw him perform at the House of Blues in Hollywood. After seeing him there, I sent him a list of five country songs that I love and thought he might want to add to his repertoire. Jake and his mom Gina were at the party.

Jake announced to the crowd that he had prepared some songs for me. He nailed it when he opened with, “If Tomorrow Never Comes,” a Garth Brooks classic. And then, a Kris Kristofferson hit, “Loving Her was Easier Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again.”

Jake knew I had been a good friend of Johnny Cash. One night 40 years ago, at the Sahara Tahoe Resort, Johnny had asked me back stage before the show what my favorite song of his was. I said, “Sunday Morning Coming Down.” Johnny came on stage that night and said to a packed show room crowd, “This song is for my friend Tom Blake,” and sang it.

Jake had mastered that song and performed it wlell. Then, he sang another Garth Brooks classic, “The Dance.” Those songs were from the list I had given him. His learning those songs, perfecting them and then singing them was an incredible gift to me.

There were people in the room between the ages of 19 to 75. When Jake sang Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline, everybody—all ages--knew the words and joined in with the “So good, so good,” and the other words the audiences often sing along with Neil.

When the party was winding down, Jake and three of my young, talented, women employees were singing together and I could visualize a new singing group being born. They were really good.

I had no clue about the birthday party. Not one employee slipped by saying something that would have alerted me. It was a total surprise planned by Greta with the help of Rosalinda and the rest of the deli staff.

To receive that much love from 35 people who are very special to me was an incredible way to spend number 75. I am truly blessed. That is what love is.