Fahim Fazli - Actor appears in "American Sniper"

On Life and Love After 50                      

January 26, 2015

Fahim Fazli – a remarkable Dana Point resident

There are lots of interesting people who live in the tri-city area. As a columnist, I am fortunate to meet many of them.

In early January, I was having coffee with friends at J.C. Beans Coffee House on PCH in Dana Point. They introduced me to their neighbor, Fahim, a regular customer there. Even though Fahim has lived in Dana Point for 28 years, I had never met him.

When I asked Fahim what type of work he was in, he modestly said, “I am an author and an actor.”

As writers, we had much in common. He signed a copy of his 2012, memoir, “Fahim Speaks,” and handed it to me. I said, “It will be fun to learn about you.” He smiled. We promised to stay in touch.

While reading each page of Fahim Speaks, I became more and more fascinated with this man’s life. As a young boy growing up in Kabul, Afghanistan, Fahim sometimes skipped school and went to the movies. His dream was to become an actor in Hollywood.

In September, 1983, Fahim’s father came home one day and said to Fahim and his brother, “Pack your bag, we are leaving immediately.” The Communist secret police, who occupied Afghanistan, were about to arrest his father. If that happened, Fahim and his brother would have been sent to an “indoctrination” camp in Russia.

Fahim’s mother, two younger sisters and older brother had escaped four years earlier. Fahim guessed they had made it to America, but his family had not heard from them.

The goal was to make it to Pakistan, and then, somehow, some day, get to the United States. Fahim’s book takes readers on that perilous and dangerous journey.

The three family members made it safely to Pakistan, crossing the border by horseback over a freezing mountain pass. They applied with the American Embassy to go to America. After a four year wait, one day they were summoned to the American Embassy. His mother and siblings had been located in Virginia. The family was reunited by telephone. Fahim said to his mother, “We are on our way to join you in America.” He was 18.

After living in Virginia, the family moved to California. The book explains how Fahim eventually moved to Orange County and took acting classes, hoping to fulfill his childhood dream. He became a U.S. citizen.

In 1996, Fahim met Amy, his future wife, at Las Brisas in Laguna Beach.  A year later, they moved to an apartment in Dana Point. He was working for Nordstrom’s and at a mortgage company, and was getting movie work as an extra.

While on vacation, he proposed to Amy on a ferry boat crossing the Straits of Gibraltar from Tangier to Spain. They married in Orange County. Three years later, they were blessed with a daughter Sophia, who now attends Dana Hills High School.

Fahim and I got together last week. What struck me the most about him is his love of this country, and his positive attitude. He said, “In this beautiful country, everything is possible. If you love what you do, it will happen.”

He told me has appeared in 60 movies and television shows, including Rambo III, Charlie Wilson’s War, Iron Man, and now, “American Sniper.”

He said, “I have been interviewed by the New York Times, Washington Post, network television, magazines and have been on numerous talk shows. Your newspaper is the first media outlet in Orange County to interview me.”

Fahim was so grateful for the opportunity to live in America, he wanted to give back to his adopted country and at the same time help his native country. He signed up to be an interpreter for the Marines and returned to Afghanistan in 2009 and 2010.

He returned again in 2014. But when his agent called to say that he had a role in the Clint Eastwood movie, “American Sniper,” he resigned his position and returned to Dana Point.

There is much to learn about Fahim’s life by reading his book and visiting his website. He said, “Fahim Speaks is now a screenplay, a mandatory step to becoming a movie. We are just waiting for financing.”

He has also completed his second book, which will be published soon.

Fahim said, “I’ve learned from my experiences to be optimistic and forward-looking. I told myself. What’s done is done. Things happen for reasons which will make sense later, if we have faith and hope. Don’t dwell on the past. Think about possibilities.”

When the movie about Fahim’s life is made, we will have a movie star living in Dana Point.

                                                               Fahim Fazli with his book

When Internet dating doesn't work, try other options

On Life and Love After 60 Newsletter

Tom Blake                             Jan 19, 2015

Senior dating: When Internet dating doesn’t work, try other options

Each New Year, most older singles evaluate their single status. Many contact me in January for advice.

This week, Susan, emailed: “What is the best dating site for over 60? I’m having a lot of trouble finding one for women like me who are young at heart, look much younger than their age and are very active. I have kept myself in good shape, but all of the men that could be my counterpart want younger women. What is a woman to do?”

I responded, “Often, I hear from women who have the same complaint. Internet dating does not work for everyone. Perhaps try things other than the Internet.”

Susan said, “I'm 72 and I think I'm maybe just too old now to play the game. I was a real head turner in my day and now get a glance now and then. My friends do not know of anyone. There is one man I fell pretty hard for about 15 years ago, maybe I should look him up.

I responded, “Yes, look him up. If that doesn’t work, simply say, ‘Next!’ Keep your eyes and ears open. Don’t give up, you are never too old. Reach out, help people, even volunteer. The main thing is to be out among new people.”

Susan said, “I do volunteer and work out at a gym four-five times a week. I did meet someone there, but after a couple of dates, which I enjoyed, he told me he was married. My luck, as they say. I don’t click with a lot of men and I could be dating a lot, but I want to feel magic again and that is why I am still holding out. I have not felt magic in the last 15 years.”

I responded, “Working out is great. It’s so important to keep the body moving. OK, so you found out he was married. At least you gave it a go until you found that out. More importantly, you ended the relationship, married guys are off limits. They need to get things taken care of at home before they start messing around.

“As far as looking for the magic you felt 15 years ago, nearly all singles would like to find that, but is that realistic? It probably won’t happen. But, being with a kind, considerate person, to whom you might be somewhat attracted, is the modern-day magic for singles 60-plus.

“Keep your spirit up, and be thankful for what you have. You are on the right path. Perhaps find a couple of women friends to pal around with. You will meet some men along the way.”

One suggestion for Susan and other south Orange County singles would be to attend the singles age 50+ Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, located in Dana Point, California, on the last Thursday of each month. After a two-month hiatus during the holidays, the next event is Thursday, January 29, 2015 from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. There is no cost.

Over the past two and a half years, approximately 15 couples have formed, having met at those events.

Upcoming Events

·         Thursday, January 29, 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m., Age 50+ singles Meet and Greet, Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Dana Point, 949 248-9008, for questions, no cost

·         Sunday, February 15. 2:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m., Sunday at the Bookstore, San Juan Capistrano Library, Local Author lecture series, featuring romance writers. Tom Blake will be discussing senior dating, his newspaper column and his dating and relationship books.

At 75, love can take on many forms

On Love and Life After 60

By Thomas P. Blake  November 14, 2014

At 75, love can take on many forms

As we age, love can be experienced in more ways than in just having a partner or seeking a partner. I was reminded of that last Tuesday night.

I never receive snail mail on my birthday. Even back when November 11 was called Armistice Day, the mail didn’t come. Now it’s called Veterans Day and the post office still closes on that day. November 11 has always been a low-key day for me, perhaps because I’m a vet and grateful I never was in an actual battle in my three and a half years of Naval duty. I’m not into fanfare, gifts, or parties on my birthday.

November 11, however, is special to me mainly because it was my mom’s birthday as well.

Tuesday morning, as I headed off to work at my deli, Greta said, “Remember, we are going out for a nice birthday dinner so try to get some rest.” I noted that she didn’t say where we were going, but she does that every year; we always go to a nice restaurant.

I arrived at Tutor and Spunky's, my Dana Point, California deli, hoping that my employees would just finesse the day and not do the gifts, cards, and other thoughtful things they do about 20 times a year, when there is an employee’s birthday. They greeted with hugs and “Happy Birthday” and that was about it. Whew, I was relieved.

Business was light that day. Around 2 p.m., Rosalinda, an employee of 26 years, said, “It’s slow today. Why not take the afternoon off and enjoy your birthday?”

I said, “It’s slow because it’s Veterans Day, why don’t you close early?”

Rosa said, “We will.” And I went home.

When Greta came home at 5:30 p.m. from her afternoon of volunteering at the Ocean Institute, she said, “Put on some nice clothes, remember, we’re going to dinner.” Still no indication from her of where. I was going to suggest pizza at home but didn’t want to be a Grinch.

Guys can get ready in a minute or two to go out. It seemed to me that she was taking her time. And then she said she needed to check her emails. I thought that perhaps our dinner reservation wasn’t until 6:15 or 6:30 and that she was merely stalling a bit. My sister Pam telephoned from San Diego to wish me a Happy Birthday.

Greta drove. We headed south on Pacific Coast Highway. That’s how I usually get to work. Then she turned on the street before the deli that leads down to Dana Point Harbor. I thought we might be going to the Harbor Grill or Harpoon Henry’s, or another of the fine restaurants down there. But, Greta made a quick left turn onto the street behind the deli. I thought, “Oh no, something is up.” But as we passed the deli’s rear deck, I noticed it was dark inside the restaurant so my suspicions of a party at the deli passed.

Then, Greta turned into the deli parking lot. The deli was dark, but I could see some balloons in the window. On the front door, there was a hand-written sign, “Closed. Private party.” We walked into the darkened dining room and then the lights came on and 35 employees, friends and family jumped up and shouted, “Happy Birthday.”

The first couple standing there was my sister Pam and her husband Bob, obviously not in San Diego.

The employees were dressed to the nines, having discarded their aprons for dress-up clothes. There were at least 35 hugs, probably more. Love filled the dining room.

Greta’s nephew, Jake Woodruff, is a musician. About six months ago, Greta and I saw him perform at the House of Blues in Hollywood. After seeing him there, I sent him a list of five country songs that I love and thought he might want to add to his repertoire. Jake and his mom Gina were at the party.

Jake announced to the crowd that he had prepared some songs for me. He nailed it when he opened with, “If Tomorrow Never Comes,” a Garth Brooks classic. And then, a Kris Kristofferson hit, “Loving Her was Easier Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again.”

Jake knew I had been a good friend of Johnny Cash. One night 40 years ago, at the Sahara Tahoe Resort, Johnny had asked me back stage before the show what my favorite song of his was. I said, “Sunday Morning Coming Down.” Johnny came on stage that night and said to a packed show room crowd, “This song is for my friend Tom Blake,” and sang it.

Jake had mastered that song and performed it wlell. Then, he sang another Garth Brooks classic, “The Dance.” Those songs were from the list I had given him. His learning those songs, perfecting them and then singing them was an incredible gift to me.

There were people in the room between the ages of 19 to 75. When Jake sang Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline, everybody—all ages--knew the words and joined in with the “So good, so good,” and the other words the audiences often sing along with Neil.

When the party was winding down, Jake and three of my young, talented, women employees were singing together and I could visualize a new singing group being born. They were really good.

I had no clue about the birthday party. Not one employee slipped by saying something that would have alerted me. It was a total surprise planned by Greta with the help of Rosalinda and the rest of the deli staff.

To receive that much love from 35 people who are very special to me was an incredible way to spend number 75. I am truly blessed. That is what love is.