On Love and Life After 60
By Thomas P. Blake January 9, 2015
The Rose: How four women Champs
dealt with the holidays
During December, I received lots of mail from Champs. Now that
life’s routine is somewhat back to normal, I have had a chance to read through
my correspondence and wanted to share messages from four of our women Champs
that illustrate their resiliency, energy and positive attitudes.
Vicki wrote, “My co-workers and I went out before
Christmas, and they kept asking me if I had any plans for Christmas, so I had
to answer in front of everyone that I was going to stay home and watch the
Downton Abbey (British TV series) marathon on Christmas Day. They couldn't
believe it! (Note that no one was concerned enough to invite me to join them).
“I was really looking forward to spending Christmas Day enjoying
Downton Abbey with my newly adopted dog from the shelter. We had a great time;
I made my favorite clam dip and didn't have
to ‘perform’ for everyone. Besides that, I've been recovering from a very bad
flu, and needed the down time.
“I've had many good Christmases with friends and family, and some
boring and depressing ones with an emotionally distant ex. So this year, I
talked on the phone with my mom, my sister, and my recently widowed aunt,
stayed in my pajamas and had a great time.
“Sure, I would like to spend a
Christmas with that special someone again, should I meet Mr. Right, but I have
learned to entertain myself and enjoy my own company as well. For extra
encouragement, I re-read Sense and
Sensibility.
“Thanks for reminding us that we are complete as we are, whether or
not we are part of a couple. It's so sad that many women I know think they are
incomplete unless they are part of a couple, no matter how lousy or
unsatisfying the relationship is. And over and over again, I hear women saying.
"WE like this restaurant; WE like this movie, WE like the mountains,"
as if ‘I’ no longer exists. Then where is our identity if "WE" break
up? If we develop our other relationships, we will always have friends
when we are lonely.”
Alicia, “I needed to hear your
upbeat message to Champs because I was feeling lonely this Christmas. Although
I enjoyed the season with my family, I am not dating and felt the crunch of not
having ‘someone to share it with’ as they say.
“In just three days after Christmas, I felt great, feeling myself
again, living a full life, looking forward to reaching and setting more goals
for 2015, working in a job that I enjoy, feeling fantastic about my end-of-year
report of reaching some important goals, and proud of it!
“I amazed myself in 2014 and I did it without someone beside me.
Granted, it would be nice to have someone but my point is, I can reach goals on
my own. I am repairing an old 1935 home that I grew up in and I have learned so
much in the process.
“At my age (in my 60’s), I learned how to pull up carpet, drill,
saw, cut, etc., and with more to come! It’s been hard work and so gratifying.
It’s a beautiful world. I thank God for letting me see the potential in myself.”
Laurie, “I enjoyed your last newsletter that featured the Beatles song, We can work it out. I am at the
beginning of a long-distance relationship…I think. Not sure but we shall see
where it leads.
“He is in Oregon; I am in southern California. We met at an
entomological conference in Arizona last year. He is WAY younger than I. Not
sure how old he is. And all he knows is that I am over 55.”
A.C. “So many times your newsletter helps
me think through things going on in my relationship
with my boyfriend. It's been on again and off again for eight years. Right now
it's going well.
“He walked out on me in July 2011 and
left me with the lease of our apartment. By the grace of God I found someone to
take over the lease. It was $2000.00 a month and working at a school as a
health tech there was no way I could afford that. I found a place I could
afford alone. For more than three years I have had my own place.
“I started seeing him again and it's
ok for a while, then it's not. He's an alcoholic and has gone back out a number
of times again. He is sober 11 months now and I've chosen to see him again. Of
course he wants to go fast, like move in, and I've learned the lessons the hard
way, so go slow and no moving in just yet.
“He's a good guy with a good heart
but has the disease so I'm seeing him but protecting my heart. I'm in Al-Anon
for 22 years and work a good program.
“Life is good and I do find joy when
we are together. Going slow one day at a time is the answer for me.
“If this helps anyone it would make
me happy. At 65, finding a partner is not easy. So I'm giving this a try and will
see how it goes. It is good sharing a life with someone but having a broken
heart many times is so very hard. Lessons learned through the years and I keep
on learning them.”
After reading these messages, I
couldn’t help but think of the words from Bette Midler’s 1979 song “The Rose,”
particularly the last verse.
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun’s
love
In the spring becomes the rose
The entire song is worth listening to
again.
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