Friday, October 9, 2015

More on chemistry and senior sex

On Life and Love After 50 Newsletter

Tom P. Blake    October 9, 2015

 More on chemistry and senior sex

Last week, a widower said his girlfriend of four months told him she felt no real chemistry. I asked for your opinions.
There were so many wise responses about chemistry and senior sex that I have tried to organize them into categories. Here are what the Champs said:

Move on

One man said, "If a woman tells you the chemistry is not there, it's time to saddle up and ride. I was in a brief relationship with an all-around great woman. One flaw is she had hang ups about her religious upbringing that made her a cold fish when it came to romance.

"We parted company a few years ago and we regularly text and email and have coffee. She's had quite a few three or four-date relationships since, but, they all end the same way. Men our age just aren't prone to wait around or deal with frigidity for very long. For certain, I'm not.

Mark, "Long ago, when I was in the shoes of the 72-year-old widower, someone much wise than me (you Tom) told me that the very first thing to look for in a partner is someone who likes you back. Everything else--appearance, age, money, intelligence--is secondary.

 "The woman he likes doesn't like him back. She already has plans on two future Saturday nights. My guess is she has met someone else. I strongly encourage this man to move on and avoid further pain."

Vicki added: "He should get her to express her fears and desires, listen to her, then if she doesn't come back around, move on. Too many women out there want a good man; he shouldn't waste time on one that doesn't.

Stop talking about your deceased spouse

Chris: "OK, you're getting this from an 81-year-old guy who has been around the horn many, many times. Advice to this newbie: She doesn't want to hear about how wonderful your wife was and how much you loved each other and how happy you were. That gets old really fast. This applies to women also.

"I don't care that she was talking the same way. What else was she going to talk about while you were going on about your marriage. All they want to know is that you didn't kill her and you are available. Keep the talk light. Get her laughing. How about a night out dancing? Make it fun being with you, not talking about dead people. You will be surprised how fast the chemistry will come when you do as I say. She will want to be with you because she likes being there."

Linda, "Honesty is a good thing but in this case talking about your respective spouses could put a cold front on anyone's horizon. I guess the timing isn't right."

Feelings can change

Joan, "I dated a man for a year with no chemistry between us. Then, for some reason, the chemistry button turned on and continued to last. Ultimately, we found we were not right for each other in other areas of our lives, but it was lovely while the senior sex and chemistry lasted.

Vicki, a widow (marriage 48 years), wrote that she met a man who escorted her and her friend to lots of events for months. Then, when she started dating him, she no longer felt chemistry. She backed out of the relationship.

He persisted, very patiently, very much a gentleman. No pressure. She dated another man but it didn't work out. Months later, the gentleman called and asked her out again. We took in slow and the chemistry fired up and we are exclusive now and planning our first cruise together. We are still deciding if we want to live together, or just date. Regardless, we want to be together.


Joan said, "He should ask her directly if she can define what chemistry means to her and if there is anything he could do to generate it. He may find out there is something simple he can do, or that her expectations are not realistic.

Another woman stated: "She said she feels no real chemistry, but she may mean something other than what she is speculating on. He needs to get that cleared up by asking.

I assure you! There is chemistry and senior sex in our later years!

Here's a guy in his early 70s, having to worry about stuff he had to worry about as a 20-year old. Yikes, dating for older singles is challenging.

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