Tom P. Blake October 9, 2015
Last week, a widower said his girlfriend of four
months told him she felt no real chemistry. I asked for your opinions.
There were so many wise responses about chemistry and senior sex that I have tried
to organize them into categories. Here are what the Champs said:
Move on
One man said, "If a woman tells you the
chemistry is not there, it's time to saddle up and ride. I was in a brief
relationship with an all-around great woman. One flaw is she had hang ups about
her religious upbringing that made her a cold fish when it came to romance.
"We parted company a few years ago and we
regularly text and email and have coffee. She's had quite a few three or
four-date relationships since, but, they all end the same way. Men our age just
aren't prone to wait around or deal with frigidity for very long. For certain,
I'm not.
Mark, "Long ago, when I was in the shoes of the
72-year-old widower, someone much wise than me (you Tom) told me that the very
first thing to look for in a partner is someone who likes you back. Everything
else--appearance, age, money, intelligence--is secondary.
Vicki added: "He should get her to express her
fears and desires, listen to her, then if she doesn't come back around, move
on. Too many women out there want a good man; he shouldn't waste time on one
that doesn't.
Stop talking about your deceased spouse
Chris: "OK, you're getting this from an
81-year-old guy who has been around the horn many, many times. Advice to this
newbie: She doesn't want to hear about how wonderful your wife was and how much
you loved each other and how happy you were. That gets old really fast. This
applies to women also.
"I don't care that she was talking the same
way. What else was she going to talk about while you were going on about your
marriage. All they want to know is that you didn't kill her and you are
available. Keep the talk light. Get her laughing. How about a night out
dancing? Make it fun being with you, not talking about dead people. You will be
surprised how fast the chemistry will come when you do as I say. She will want
to be with you because she likes being there."
Linda, "Honesty is a good thing but in this
case talking about your respective spouses could put a cold front on anyone's
horizon. I guess the timing isn't right."
Feelings can change
Joan, "I dated a man for a year with no chemistry
between us. Then, for some reason, the chemistry button turned on and continued
to last. Ultimately, we found we were not right for each other in other areas
of our lives, but it was lovely while the senior sex and chemistry lasted.
Vicki, a widow (marriage 48 years), wrote that she
met a man who escorted her and her friend to lots of events for months. Then,
when she started dating him, she no longer felt chemistry. She backed out of
the relationship.
He persisted, very patiently, very much a gentleman.
No pressure. She dated another man but it didn't work out. Months later, the
gentleman called and asked her out again. We took in slow and the chemistry
fired up and we are exclusive now and planning our first cruise together. We
are still deciding if we want to live together, or just date. Regardless, we
want to be together.
Communication
Joan said, "He should ask her directly if she
can define what chemistry means to her and if there is anything he could do to
generate it. He may find out there is something simple he can do, or that her
expectations are not realistic.
Another woman stated: "She said she feels no
real chemistry, but she may mean something other than what she is speculating
on. He needs to get that cleared up by asking.
I assure you! There is chemistry and senior sex in our later years!
Here's a guy in his early 70s, having to worry about stuff he had to worry about as a 20-year old. Yikes, dating for older singles is challenging.
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