People are similar wherever you go

People are similar wherever you go

"On Life and Love After 50" Newsletter

by Thomas P. Blake

Each Friday, I publish the On Life and Love After 50 Newsletter by email. I call my subscribers Champs, because that is what they are. Our Champs live across the USA and Canada, and in many foreign countries. Their living situations vary greatly. Some live in the same cities in which they grew up. Others, like Joanne, have lived in many different states.

In early April, 2015, before my partner Greta and I left on our trip to Europe, Joanne updated me about her living situation. She said, “I have lived all over the country and have enjoyed every minute. Right now, I am in Albuquerque and I like it here. I’m not considering moving again. I have met so many people and learned so much from them it has been a great experience.”

I responded to Joanne by asking: “How did you come to choose Albuquerque? From where before that? Is making friends there difficult?”

Joanne said, “I had never lived in New Mexico. I lived in Georgia, California, Texas, Nevada (Las Vegas), Hawaii, Arkansas, Michigan, North Carolina, Florida, and there may be a few more.

“Five years ago, a friend asked me if I wanted to move back to Georgia. Something was pushing me in that direction. When I got there, after a few months, I found out he had cancer. He has been a great friend and I was so glad I was there. It gave me a lot of time to spend with him before he passed away.

“On my way to Georgia from Las Vegas (he used to ‘talk’ me across the country), I told him I had never lived in New Mexico and thought I should at some point. I was born and raised in Michigan but never liked it.

“When I found this apartment in Albuquerque, I ‘jumped’ on it. I love it here and moved about eight weeks ago. (Now, it has been 16 weeks). I’m a ‘people person’ and never have much trouble meeting people. Everyone I have met so far seems nice, and, of course, I always have my radar up and working."

Joanne continued: People are the same everywhere you go. They have different faces and names but still the same traits. I keep saying if whatever you are looking for isn’t in Albuquerque, you probably don’t need it! At 70 now and thinking I should probably sit still. I’m sure you’ve noticed this too, but the farther west you go, the less uptight people are. I love the diversity in the people here too. Also, the Native American culture fascinates me and there is a lot of that here.”

I know of another woman Champ who also moved to Albuquerque; perhaps she and Joanne will get together sometime.

In reading Joanne’s email, I couldn’t help but think of the Johnny Cash song, “I’ve been everywhere.” In the song, Johnny rattles off the places he’s been including Albuquerque. That could be Joanne’s theme song.

(I traveled with Johnny Cash often in the 1970s when he did radio commercials for Victoria Station, the restaurant chain, for whom I was marketing director. For more information on Tom's association with Johnny, see the link at the end of this article)

But one thing Joanne said in her email really struck a chord with Greta and me: “People are the same everywhere you go.”

We have met many different people on our trip. Here we are in Germany, a country that our country was at war with some 70+ years ago. And yet, the people here, and in Hungary, and in Austria, where we’ve also been on this trip, are very similar to us. They want peace, love and harmony in the world.

Greta and I believe that as we travel these foreign lands, we can make a very small contribution to world harmony by being friendly, considerate, respectful and interested in what the local people have to say. We are tiny diplomats of peace in the world.

Two recent examples: On Sunday, in the pouring rain, we popped into a coffee shop in Bamberg, Germany, to escape the cold and wet. A young waitress, about 20 years old, was so excited when she found out that we were from California, she said, “Oh, I can’t believe this,” and was so friendly to us (the coffee shop was filled with young students) that we gave her our email address in case she wants to visit.

On Tuesday, Greta and I were walking across the Main Bridge in Wurzburg, Germany. Near the middle of the river, we sat on a concrete bench to enjoy the beauty around us--a large castle with vineyards growing on steep hills up to the castle, beautiful churches, river barges passing below on the river, stately Roman statues on the bridge--when we noticed near us a family--grandpa, grandma, son and granddaughter taking a bottle of Wurzburg-labeled champagne and crystal goblets out of their shopping bag. The son popped the cork.

We photographed them toasting on the bridge. They saw us. The older gentlemen asked me in German to take a picture with their camera. He started explaining in German what the occasion was. Then he asked where we were from. California. With that, he switched to broken English, very broken, and excitedly told us about his visit to the American west some 10 years before. His son came over and translated for us.

The older couple’s daughter was in Italy. It was her birthday. The man showed me the gift and card wrapped in bright yellow paper he had for her.

They had told her they would be toasting to her at that time on that bridge. They wanted a picture with us. It was a small-ambassador moment, very heartwarming; borders, war memories and language barriers were replaced with friendships and hand shaking.

The message today was inspired by Joanne’s email. Wherever we travel in the world, wherever we live, for the most part people are the same--they want love and harmony and peace in the world.

Enjoy more stories on www.findingloveafter60.com

To read about Tom's friendship with Johnny Cash, visit this website:

                                       www.VicSta.com

 

                                                 

     Tom's book: Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?

                            Book cover: Tom and Johnny Cash in 1976

 

To read Tom's travel columns, go to this website: www.TravelAfter55.com

 

 

At home in Graz, Austria

At home in Graz, Austria

                                              Graz - River Mur and Kloister

My partner Greta and I are living in a 500-year-old building in Graz, Austria. We will be here for about a month.  From the time we left our Dana Point, California, home Monday, it took us 41 hours to get here. We do not recommend that long of an uninterrupted trip for seniors. A seven-hour layover in the Madrid Airport was a bear. It really wore us out.

The home is owned by a couple who met in the Department of Motor Vehicles in Fresno, California, four years ago. Christian is Austrian. His wife, Jai, is an American citizen who was born along the Laos/Thailand border.

In 2011, Jai was living in Fresno. Her purse had been stolen so she was at the DMV to get a replacement driver’s license. Christian, a building contractor, was in Fresno on business and needed a commercial driver’s license. They were in line next to each other. They had just enough time to tell each other a little about their backgrounds.

Then, Jai was summoned to the payment window. Christian was called to the adjacent window. As she was leaving he asked if she’d wait for him outside. Once there, he asked for her phone number and they started dating. Soon, however, he had to return to Austria. The odds of a relationship were against them. Speaking of a long distance relationship, 6,000 miles+ is pretty darn far.

They corresponded. He wanted her to visit Austria. Since arriving in the United States as a young child, she had never been out of the country. She didn’t even own a passport. Due to some paperwork issues, getting a passport took her months. Christian didn’t know for sure, but he thought she might be dragging her feet and probably didn’t really want to visit. One day he emailed, “I really would love for you to visit.” She shocked him by replying, “Send me a ticket.”

She spent three weeks visiting Christian in Graz.

In 2012, they married. Jai and her daughter, Maddie, packed their things and moved to Graz. Jai said over dinner this past Wednesday night, “At first, it was hard, I didn’t speak German. But now, I love living here.” Maddie now has a baby brother named James.

How did Greta and I meet them and why are we living in their home? There is a website called Home Exchange.com. On that website, people can trade their home/apartment/ranch--where ever they live--for a short period of time with people who own living accommodations as well. People from different countries often exchange their homes.

A trade or exchange can be at the same time--what’s called a simultaneous exchange, or at different times--a non-simultaneous exchange. In December, 2014, Christian, Jai, Maddie and James stayed in Greta’s San Clemente home for the holidays. And now, we are staying at their home in Graz. While we are here, they are living at Christian’s father’s farm outside of town. We have become very good friends.

We have had one full day in what is known as the inner city of Graz. If that day was any indication, we are going to cherish our days here. Graz is the second largest city in Austria, after Vienna, and has a population of 350,000 people. There are four universities here so there are lots of young people.

There are an estimated 200-250 restaurants and outdoor cafes within a quarter mile of us. Hot dog stands and gelato shops are everywhere.  The city’s central tram station is 100 yards away. The main train station is less than a half mile away. There is no need to rent a car or drive anywhere.

Last night, we enjoyed a thin-crust pizza topped with prosciutto and a salad, 25 yards from our apartment. A tasty bottle of Austrian wine cost us less than $3.00 at the grocery store directly below us.

                                    View from our outdoor dinner table

Jai has decorated their home with proverbs and little sayings in every room. We like this one the best:

                                          

Posted on the wall of their living room

Retirement: Write, Stand up Paddle Board, travel- a new life chapter begins

Write, paddle board and travel: a new life chapter begins on Monday

As I’ve mentioned, I retired January 30, after owning and operating Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point for 26 years, a job that kept me very busy.

People ask, “Now that you’ve sold the deli, won’t you get bored? What will you do with all of your free time?”

If the first two months of retirement are an indication, boredom is the least of my concerns. I’ve been busier than a cranberry at Thanksgiving.

When a small business is sold, there are a myriad of things that must be done. Usually, the seller agrees to train the buyer for a period of time. In my case, I spent 120 hours working with the new owners. 

And then there were tax returns that had to be prepared and filed. The federal government requires that business financial records must kept for up to seven years. So, those records must be packed and stored in case the government asks for them in the future.

Some people who are already retired told me that I will wonder where the time goes. I fall into that group. No boredom yet.

Newly retired people are asked: “What will you do with your time?” My answer is pretty simple: Write, Stand Up Paddle Boarding, and Travel.

As far as writing, I plan to continue with this complimentary Life and Love after 50 newsletter and my newspaper columns as well. My first published article on love after 50 was published on July 4, 1994--almost 21 years ago--in a local Dana Point, California newspaper. The situation hasn’t changed much for older singles, other than Internet dating, which didn’t exist back then. The most-asked question I hear remains the same: “Where are the men?” 

This week, a Champ wrote, “I am retired and would love to meet an available, honest, adventurous man. Where is he? I am fun, smart, spiritual, good looking and healthy. I love my family, friends, animals, and ENJOY my life. I am so ready to meet him. I am 70 years young, please pass this message on.”

I replied, “I wish I had an easy answer for your question. Finding a good quality mate after 50, 60, 70, and beyond is difficult, for both men and women. But it does happen.

“I tell older singles that they need to get out and about and meet new friends. But where to go?

“One example, here in Orange County is on the last Thursday of each month, Tutor and Spunky's Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, 92629, hosts a Meet and Greet for singles 50+. Anywhere from 25 to 75 people attend, depending on the weather, what's going on in the world, and other things.

“You could attend and check that out. Making new women friends is essential and that is a good place to do it.

“Also, dating online is certainly a mixed bag; there are jerks and scammers out there. But, there are also nice people and that might be one of the tools you try. Just proceed with caution.

“Attend as many social events as possible. Go to them to enjoy and not expecting to meet a man. It sounds like you have great credentials. Get out there and show the world you are a confident and positive woman.”

Regarding stand up paddle boarding (SUP), one of the most important things for retired people is exercise. In anticipation of retirement, in October I decided to give paddle boarding a try. In Dana Point, where I live, we have a protected harbor that is home to more than 3,000 yachts and sail boats. Unless the wind kicks up, the water is quite calm and paddling is a pleasure.

Three times a week, at least, I launch from a place called Baby Beach. Sea lions and birds enrich the experience. And except for the board and the paddle, the sport is free. For people who don’t want to paddle, walking around our harbor is great exercise.

This week I was thinking I had become a pretty good paddler; I hadn’t fallen into the chilly waters in a couple of months, although it seemed others were faster than I. Then, an old-timer paddled by and said, “You’re dragging your leash (which is secured to your leg) in the water; it’s slowing you down.”

Yup, he was right. Adding to the drag was a large clump of seaweed. I placed the leash on top of my board and wow, I noticed a difference right away. In retirement, there is a lot to learn.

As far as travel, when I met my life partner Greta 17 years ago, one of the characteristics we had in common was a love of travel. True, when I owned the deli, we were able to get away on several trips. But, as those of you who own or owned a small business know, you aren’t totally free when you travel because you think about whether the business has enough money, or whether a refrigerator breaks down, or any number of possible problems.

Now, I won’t have to worry about deli issues. Our plan is to travel as much as we can as long as we are able to. Our first trip begins Monday. We are off to Austria and Central Europe for seven weeks, which concludes with a two-week river cruise from Budapest to Amsterdam. If I hear of any romance-after-50 stories on our travels, I will share them with you.

At the least, I will be posting details of the trip on my travel website blog. So, I will be mixing two of my retirement activities, writing and travel, while we’re gone.

As far as stand up paddle boarding, I doubt if that will be possible on the Danube or Rhine rivers. I guess we will be doing a lot of walking instead.

Here is a link to the website. On the home page, click on the travel blog tab. I hope you will follow us and email your comments. www.TravelAfter55.com.

3 dot journalism - a variety of topics

Spraying to all fields-3 dot journalism

Often, Champs respond to newsletters with sage comments that I cannot share with you immediately but want to at a later date. Sometimes, I have to lump comments on different topics into the same newsletter. Such is the case today, which is why the newsletter is called, "Spraying to all fields."

Actually, I must admit, that I borrowed that title from the iconic formerSan Francisco Chronicle columnist, Herb Caen, who called his form of writing, 3-dot journalism. He referred to many of his columns as "spraying to all fields," a baseball term that refers to batters who hit to right field, center field, and left field, all over the place, spraying the ball in many and all directions. 

Caen's columns were a series of unrelated paragraphs; he was a genius and was loved by readers, especially in the Bay Area. That being said, here is our version of spraying to all fields today.

From Terry, Thailand, aka "The Funny Plumber," who is married to a Thai woman, lives part of the year in Thailand and part of the year in southern California. Regarding background checks, he responded, "I had to go halfway around the world to find a lady that could not do a background check on me." Terry always puts a humorous and refreshing spin on topics.

***

Regarding all of the stuff we keep stored in attics, garages and basements, most of which we likely do not need, two Champs commented.

Joanne emailed, "I did got rid of stuff 15 years ago. Everything I have now fits in my Jeep or I can't have it. Every once in a while I think about something I no longer have but then I realize I gave it to someone who could really use it, or, I got rid of it because it wasn't worth saving. I did not have corporate papers to hang onto, but I could not believe how much stuff I threw away. Makes you feel a lot lighter."

Tom's response: Does this mean, Joanne, that you live in your Jeep?

Liz, Illinois, "I got rid of stuff years ago, weeding out and keeping only the very minimum when I moved into my current house six years ago. I loved all of the empty spaces I had created and breathed more freely.

"And then, guess what? 

"My son moved in with me, with all of his pack-rat clutter, and now my basement, attic and two garages are once again filled--with his stuff. My plan is to get a pickup truck and, in the dead of night, haul all of this stuff away. Wish me luck on that!"

Tom's response: Liz, you aren't the only one who is housing a return-to-the-roost son or daughter, and the stuff that accompanies them. Some Champs would need a semi-truck to haul their kids' stuff away. I have no children so I can't comment on what to do in a case like this, other than to say older kids should understand the imposition they are putting on their parents and set a deadline to get out from under foot.

Sometimes, circumstances make that hard or impossible to do. I know of Champs who have grandchildren living with them. When I owned my deli, I would see younger employees move out of their parent's home to live on their own and quickly discover it's a tough world out there, and before you know it, they were back at home.

***

Marta, Montreal, responded: "Your recent newsletter regarding marriage and responsibility for a spouse's health care costs, made me think how unfortunate that there is no national health care program in the USA. If people WANT to get married, it is a shame that they might not because they fear financial disaster through a medical crisis.

"My American cousins fear 'government involvement' in their medical care might mean poor care, and our Canadian system is not perfect, but it makes me happy to know that my contributions all of the years that I worked mean that my poorer neighbor, who contributed less, or those on welfare, receive the same care I get.

"My cousins' fears and attitudes mean they vote for a system that keeps them paying over $800 a month in premiums before they receive any medical care, and then there are the 'co pays' when they see a medical professional. Whenever we visit our American cousins and other friends, much of the discussion is about the outrageous cost of medical care, whereas that is never a subject at home here in Canada.

"Thanks for the newsletter, much appreciated, but you have not billed me for a while. Isn't there a charge? I'd be happy to pay it."

Response from Tom: The newsletter, currently at least, is like your Canadian health care, there is no charge. I charged a small fee at one time, but then decided to stop charging because I wanted to be able to write about any topic I wanted, and not only about dating later in life. That is why the newsletter title is "On Life and Love After 50."

I made that decision years ago while I was gainfully employed. Now that I am retired, if the money gets tight, perhaps I will have to start charging again, but not for now.

Which leads me to mention that the newsletter, during the next couple of months, will likely include some travel columns, since my life partner, Greta, and I are heading for Austria on April 14. Any Champs interested in following that trip will be able to read my travel blog on the Travel After 55 website.

That is a website of mine that contains articles and pictures of many of the trips Greta and I have taken in the 17 years we have been together as a couple. The Austria blog has been started but there is not much on it yet. We will be staying in Graz, Austria, the second largest city.

Here is the link:Tom's Travel After 55 website. On the home page, click on the white tab that says "travel blog" and the Austria story begins in the upper left hand corner where you see this photo. 

  

Photo Old city Graz, Austria, our home-to-be for one month

                 photo courtesy Christian Schachner

I love hearing your comments, stories, questions and experiences. Keep them coming. They make the newsletter possible. 

A nostalgic week-end getaway to see Rosanne Cash perform

A nostalgic week-end getaway to see Rosanne Cash perform

Thirty-eight years ago, I attended a TV show taping at the NBC Studios in Burbank, California. I was there as a guest of singer Johnny Cash, who was a spokesperson for Victoria Station, the restaurant chain for whom I was the marketing director.

At that taping, I was seated in the front row with Rosanne Cash, Johnny’s daughter, who was 22 at the time. John Denver was the master of ceremonies and singers Roger Miller and Glen Campbell were also on the set.

I remember that day quite vividly because Johnny left the stage unexpectedly and Rosanne was concerned because at the time, Johnny's wife June Carter was having some tests done at the Mayo Clinic. However, everything turned out to be OK with June that day.

The reason Johnny left the stage was a prisoner at the Utah State Prison, Gary Gilmore, wanted Johnny to sing him a song before he was executed. Johnny did over the phone and then returned to the stage to finish the taping.

A few months ago, I read that Rosanne was going to appear in concert at the Fred Kavli Theatre at the Thousand Oaks Performing Arts Center at 8 p.m., Friday, March 20. Rosanne is an accomplished musician herself, who won three Grammy awards this year for her album, “The River and the Thread.”

She is often classified as a country singer, but her music combines folk, pop, rock and blues as well.

My partner Greta and I decided to attend Rosanne’s concert and get a hotel room near there so we would not have to drive late at night.

I decided to make it a total Johnny Cash-related trip. Johnny’s manager, Lou Robin, who now handles Johnny’s estate, lives in Thousand Oaks. We’ve been friends for 39 years. Greta and I arranged to meet Lou and his wife Karen for breakfast on Saturday, at a place called Jerry's Famous Deli in nearby Woodland Hills. 

Rosanne’s concert was outstanding. She performed several songs from her Grammy-winning album. At the start of each of those songs, she spent a few minutes narrating the history and background upon which the songs were based, which was a nice personal touch audiences don’t often receive from performers.

She ended the regular part of her concert with her number one single of years back, “Seven Year Ache.” In the encore, she sang the Bob Dylan song, “Girl from the North Country,” a song her dad and Dylan made popular as a duet in 1969. That song was featured in the movie, “The Bridges of Madison County.”

All members of Rosanne’s five-piece band, including her husband John Levanthal, were exceptional musicians. The concert alone made the long drive worthwhile.

After the show, Greta and I went backstage and had a few moments to spend with Rosanne. She and I had a couple of laughs together remembering the old days.

                                   Tom and Rosanne Cash - March 20, 2015

Breakfast the next morning at Jerry’s Famous Deli with Lou and Karen Robin, was equally rewarding. Two hours went by in a jiffy. To listen to stories from Johnny Cash’s manager of 40 years was fascinating for both Greta and me. I learned things about Johnny that I did not know although I traveled with him frequently in the two years we worked together.

Lou was also the manager of Don Ho for a while, after Johnny had passed away.

On the drive home Saturday afternoon, Greta commented on the similarities in mannerisms she noticed between Rosanne and her father Johnny. She added, “Johnny would have been proud of Rosanne’s professionalism.”

It was a special week-end for me; I was happy to be able to share it with Greta, and have her meet these people I have known for years who were so close to Johnny Cash.

Rosanne Cash - Seven year ache

              

Marriage vs living together

Revisiting the marriage vs. living together question

Copyright by Tom Blake 2015

This week, Kiplinger’s Personal Finance Magazine features an article written by Senior Editor Sandra Block titled, “The Financial Pros and Cons of Getting Married Later in Life.”

I was aware the article was coming out because Block interviewed me a couple of months ago. I am quoted in three places in the article.

Block’s first paragraph states, “When you start a relationship later in life, does it make sense to marry or move in together? Answer: “It’s complicated.”

The length and thoroughness of Ms. Block’s article underscores the “It’s complicated” sentence. There are so many different scenarios she describes that it’s hard to sort out all of the legal issues surrounding later-in-life marriage vs. living together. She quotes a lawyer, Frederick Hertz, who says, “…for older unmarried couples, making a cohabitation agreement isn’t just a good idea, it’s a necessity.”

Health care costs are one example of why the marriage question needs to be thought through. One paragraph in Block’s article states, “The high cost of health care—particularly long-term care—can create one big disincentive for older couples to get married. Once you wed, you are responsible for your spouse’s medical debts, says Howard Krooks, a past president of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. If your spouse ends up in a nursing home, the cost could deplete your estate.”

Making the question even more complicated is that different states have different laws that apply to later-in-life relationships.

My words of wisdom explain the living-together relationship I have with Greta. I was quoted as saying, “It’s just a lot easier not to have to deal with inheritances and kids and everything that comes along with the decision to get married.”

To sum up the marriage vs. living together question: Couples contemplating marriage or living together, would be wise to consult a lawyer, or better yet, each should consult a different lawyer, to ensure they do what is right for their situation.

Ms. Block has a great deal more to say on the topic in her article. The link to Ms. Block’s article:

Venturing beyond our normal routine. What were Greta and I thinking?

This past Monday night at about 8 p.m, I heard live music coming from somewhere in the distance through an open upstairs bedroom window. Then, I remembered I had seen a big black tent being built in the Salt Creek Beach parking lot the day before, which is adjacent to the Ritz Carlton Hotel, and about a mile from our home.

Hearing the music reminded me of four months before, when we had seen a large outdoor tent on the grounds of the St. Regis Hotel, which is only about 400 yards away. On that night, we had heard live music but decided not to go check it out and we ended up missing a Steven Tyler concert that was being held for a large insurance company.

Although we were pretty settled in for the night, I jokingly said to Greta, “There is a concert nearby, want to check it out?”

She surprised me by saying, “Let’s go.”

                                                                                             

We hopped in the car and drove to a parking lot just yards up a small hill from the tent. The music was very, very loud.

We walked down the small hill and saw 300-400 people milling around, wearing Roth Capital Partners name badges, listening to the band, sipping on adult beverages and lining up for food being served from food trucks. There were eight women go-go dancers dressed in polished silver jump suits dancing up on platforms all over the parking lot, swirling around poles but not exactly pole dancing. It was one hell of a party atmosphere, with lots of young people in their 20s and early 30s.

We slipped into the tent through a side entrance and grabbed a seat. Security guards were around but not paying much attention.

I went to the bar and ordered a couple of glasses of chardonnay. I asked the woman bartender, also dressed in a shiny silver jump suit, “How much?” She winked at me and said, “You know better than that.” When I put five bucks in her tip jar, she said, “Be sure to come back.” I said, “I will.” And I did.

There were four different food trucks dispensing their wares. We lined up at the In-n-Out Burger truck. They wouldn’t take our money either.

As the party was winding down, we asked some of the young people in attendance who the band was. “Poison,” was the answer. I had no idea who Poison was.

The next morning, my bank teller Sheri, knowing I had just retired, asked if I’d done anything new lately. I told her about the night before. She looked up Poison on the Internet and said, “A mid-1980s-mid 1990s glam (heavy metal) band. They’ve sold over 45 million records worldwide. Bret Michaels the lead on vocals.”  

I went online and found out that the event was the 27^th annual Roth Capital Partners, an investment banking firm, shindig. Not every attendee was staying next door at the Ritz, some of the kids told us they were staying in motels and hotels miles away.

We wandered up the hill, got in the car, and drove home, it took five minutes.

It’s good once in a while for older folks to get out of the old routine. Although, my ears are still ringing, thanks to the band Poison.

Upcoming events

• For information on the Tom Blake Loving Life After 55 cruise, November 12, out of Los Angeles, contact travel agent Ann at 949 702-3977 or by email at ann@sjctravel.com.  Cruise details are also on this website:

https://mybookinggenie.com/tom-blakes-travel-after-55-cruise/

• Meet and Greet. There will be an age 50+ Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, Dana Point, California, 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. on Thursday, March 26. No admission charge.

Stuff - Clear out the clutter from her attic and keep the relationship

Stuff

Copyright Tom Blake 2015

Holding on to a good mate, keep your clutter out of her attic

Last year, we mentioned comedian George Carlin’s You tube video about “Stuff.” It’s about all of the unnecessary stuff we hoard in our lives and the need to get rid of it. At the end of today’s newsletter, there is a link to his performance. It’s humorous.

When that newsletter ran, I did not anticipate that it would apply to me within the next few months.

Fourteen years ago, I moved into my girlfriend Greta’s home. I said to her, “I have written 973 newspaper columns and two books, I have a lot of stuff to store.”

She said, “Why do you need to keep all of that stuff?”

I said, “When I quote people in a column or a book, I need back up proof that they gave me permission to use the information. That can entail a lot of paperwork.”

Greta said, “I have an attic in the garage; we can put your stuff there.”

Over the years, the amount of stuff stored in her garage grew. I wrote a memoir in 2006 titled, “Prime Rib and Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?” That created another eight boxes of stuff. And in 2009, I published another book, “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” Another four boxes of stuff. Not to mention the cases and cases of unsold books that were stored.

Then there was all of the stuff I moved to the attic from my mom’s home when Mom passed. It is amazing what we accumulate in our lives. Boxes and boxes of stuff no one else will ever want.

Oh, when we traveled, we kept files on all of the places we’d been. More stuff to store.

Then, there were another 2,114 columns. Plus, there were records from my home that I had rented out, while living in her home. Also, there were some records from my Dana Point, California, deli—although I had a storage unit at the deli that held most of those records.

The attic in Greta’s garage was like the old coffee company, “Chock Full of Nuts.” Her attic was chock full of stuff (my stuff).

When you own a corporation, you are required to keep seven years of records, in case Uncle Sam or Governor Brown decides to audit you. Egad, that boils down to two or three boxes of records for each month. That’s at least 24 boxes per year, times seven, or about 168 boxes of deli corporate stuff that’s got to be stored somewhere. We had a deli storeroom.

On January 30 this year, I sold the deli; I had to move those 168 boxes from the deli storeroom to somewhere. Where? My sweetie’s garage floor (remember, the attic was chocked full), leaving no room to park a car. My stuff just wouldn’t fit into my garage at my home, where we now live.

And then my wonderful, kind, gracious, partner of 17 years humbly said, “I love you. But, we need the garage stuff moved because we have vacation renters coming to stay in the house and they need to park their car in the garage.”

What she meant was, “In other words, move your stuff to somewhere else. Now.”

Egad again, what to do?

My CPA said, “Rent a storage unit for your deli records. It’s a tax write off.”

So, that’s what I did. I found a place called Price Self Storage in San Juan Capistrano. Their logo looked like the old Price Club logo. That’s because the owner was the Price Club Chief Financial Officer before it became Costco. It’s amazing the trivia we uncover when we venture beyond our boundaries.

The space I rented is seven feet by ten feet. I have spent four days packaging and moving the deli stuff and some of my stuff from Greta’s garage to the storage unit. All the boxes are marked and dated.

I actually had fun doing this.

When Greta saw her garage cleared out, she gave me a big hug. By clearing out my stuff from her home, I remained in good standing in our relationship.

Of course, while sorting through my stuff, I started throwing stuff away. I filled four 50-gallon trash containers. If there is a lesson to learn from this move, it’s to start sorting the stuff you’ve accumulated in attics and garages now--while you’re still capable of doing so. Don’t leave the task for your kids and grandkids. It can be a monumental, emotional task. You find stuff that was significant in your life. That happened numerous times.

For example, I found an autograph on a 3 x 5-inch card from a football player named Ron Kramer who was an All-American at the University of Michigan and a tight end for the Green Bay Packers. I went to his wedding in Jackson, Michigan, in 1958.

I found two photos from 1975. The first is of Johnny Cash, holding his son John Carter, along with Johnny’s wife June, and me.

The second photo is of June Carter Cash and me.

I found a written authorization from Johnny to use his quote on the back of my first book, “Middle Aged and Dating Again.” It was signed, “In the 20 years I have known Tom Blake, he has become an authority on dating and relationships.” The authorization is dated August, 26, 1996.

Going through your old stuff can be heart-wrenching and rewarding. It’s amazing what you will find—stuff about your parents and events that happened to you years before. Stuff you’ve forgotten, stuff you just can’t toss out.

I found a hand-written letter, written by my mom on June 17, 1946, to my dad, when he went to France to help post World War II Europe get back on its manufacturing feet after the war.  

But best of all, I am still in good standing with the woman of my life of 17 years; I got the stuff out of her garage.

Clear out your clutter. It may save your relationship. And you will be doing your heirs a huge favor. And you never know what precious stuff you might find.

Link to George Carlin’s video on stuff:

George Carlin video