On life and love after 50 newsletter
A
Champ in her 60s we will call Becky, not her true name, emailed this week. She
had read the two recent newsletters about chemistry, particularly the comments
from Champs who were in relationships that initially had no chemistry, but where
chemistry kicked in after a period of time. That happened to her. Senior sex just arrived later for her.
But
Becky also wanted to share that even when chemistry is present in older
couples, there still can be intimacy issues that couples may need to deal with.
Before
getting into Becky’s “intimacy-issues” comments, a little background on her:
She said, “Single since November 2011, I've tried various websites, meetup
groups, divorcee gatherings, took many international trips, and asked friends
if they knew of any eligible, nice, and somewhat healthy middle-aged men.
“But
after dating/meeting casually for 3 1/2 years, I wondered why I spent so much
time conversing/meeting men. Was it true that nice divorced men were all taken?
Of course not, but it felt that way. I truly had given up.
“I
thought I could be a great partner to the right person, but wasn't willing to
move or negotiate on what a potential partner could or couldn't provide. I mentioned
in my on-line profile that I wanted to be ‘friends-first’ with someone. Most of
the men I had previously met wanted ‘everything’ by date one or two
“In
April, I met a man who lives 15 miles from me. And being ‘friends-first’ is what he decided to do. We dated about 16 times
before he gave me a kiss on the lips. I thought he wasn't attracted to me. I thought
he just wanted an activity friend and nothing further. I wasn't a runner and he
had told me he wanted a girlfriend who ran.
“Chemistry
came later. It became true for me that even in one's 60's, things can move
relatively slow and still develop into something amazing. I was looking for a
loving, caring relationship, and I found such.”
Becky’s
comments about intimacy
So,
Becky and her runner boyfriend had progressed from the “just-friends” stage to
the intimacy stage. But that doesn’t automatically mean they are making whoopee
every night, as Becky explained.
She
said, “There are differences as we age in our physical attractiveness, intimacy
needs, etc. Aging couples do not talk openly about erectile dysfunction or
female issues. When you are younger you snicker at the commercials on
television or internet, but then you are in that age group and these things
happen.
“As
a former pediatric nurse practitioner, I wasn't up-to-date with how intimacy
changes as we age. But, now I'm living with it and find that 50% or more of men
in their upper 50/60's have some sort of ED and need assistance. The price for
the pills is not covered by Medicare or insurance. Sometimes the pharmaceutical
manufacture will provide a short-term rebate, but otherwise, around $44 is the
cost for the little blue pill.
“Baby
boomers want to live their remaining years attempting to do things they used
to, but, our aging bodies change and sometimes men or women need to resort to
using pharmaceutical drugs with a high price. Pharmaceutical ads specifically
state that there are lots of forgery drugs being offered in the states, Mexico
and Canada, but there doesn't seem to be long-term financial assistance to
purchase such medications in the USA. Not everyone is wealthy.
“I
just wanted to share as I had never given much thought about intimacy,
potential problems, and solutions until recently. We are happy we found each
other and he is very verbally appreciative of my understanding with his
intermittent problems.”
Becky
concluded: “Actually, I don't see this as a problem as we have been able to
work around this very well. It is a learning curve. When you start to ‘date’
again in your late 50's or 60's or older, just be aware and sensitive to
male/female sexual issues, but - heaven's - don't throw in the towel. It is
just another stepping stone in gaining knowledge about the aging process.”
I
applaud Becky for bringing this subject up. It is a fact of life. Although I
tend to tiptoe around this subject, as a Champ we’ll call Oscar Meyer pointed
out three weeks ago, I will say this: “I have never taken the ‘little blue
pill,’ or any similar pills that claim to achieve the similar results--not that
they wouldn’t be helpful--but when you hear those TV commercials stating the
possible side effects, I prefer to find other creative solutions to the older-male
dilemma.
By
creative solutions, I don’t mean standing on my head and whistling “Dixie.” Nor
do I mean having a snake charmer play the pungi (flute-like instrument) as is
done to get the cobra to rise out of the basket.
However,
electrical appliances can work wonders. (One woman responded, if it comes to that, I give up on sex). Too bad, she's missing out.
