Senior online
dating: Two women: two different experiences
By Tom Blake
Online dating is one of the tools seniors can use for meeting a
mate. Two women contacted me this week, sharing their vastly different online
dating experiences. One found success; the other frustration.
Cheryl said, “I would
like to share my recent good fortune and experience with online dating. I began
corresponding with a widower in October, 2015, on the dating site OK Cupid,
which allows subscribers to write detailed information on their profile and
also offers thousands of questions that can be answered on a variety of topics.
I have been divorced twice.
‘When we started corresponding, he had answered nearly 500
questions, and I had answered over 600, and we both had added comments to many
of our answers. So we already knew a lot about each other.
“We remained on the site communicating for a few weeks before
moving to personal emails, both agreed to progress slowly and eventually we
moved to phone calls and then to Skype. This occurred over a period of
several months.
“Early on, I verified information he gave me (checked his
website and ‘Googled’ him). Our correspondence enabled us to learn more about
each other and gain confidence in our relationship. We are both 69 and live 600
miles apart. When I flew to meet him in April, there were no surprises. We
totally enjoyed each other's company and made a commitment to continue to
develop our relationship.
“He drove to my home in July. We spent two and a half weeks
together during which time he met my family, friends, and my church family.
Everyone ‘approved’ of him! We have been blessed to have
found love and have made a commitment to travel ‘the rest of the journey’
together.
“Our correspondence and willingness to be totally open and
honest with each other along with both of us wanting a long-term relationship
were the keys to our success.”
Cheryl’s point about both of them wanting a long-term
relationship is vital to relationship success. Also, she and her man emphasized
the benefit of using Skype before meeting in person.
She said, “Skype enables each person to see the other's facial
reactions and enhances the intimacy of the communication. We both feel
that Skyping before meeting in person made us feel much more comfortable with
each other when we did meet than if we hadn't Skyped.
“During my 15 months online, I encountered some suspected
scammers, whom I reported to the site. But I also met and/or communicated with some
really nice, caring men. My online dating experience was very positive. I
will be moving to live with him in September.
“He often says, ‘life sings,’ and we feel very lucky to be
singing a duet.”
The second woman, Annise,
was married 25 years before becoming a widow six years ago. After many online
dating attempts, she met a wonderful man who later died in a plane crash.
She said, “I jumped back on the Internet and have met and dated
a few interesting and scary fellows, including a lawyer, who wore more jewelry
than I, a convicted felon, a recovering alcoholic who is mixed up with lots of
baggage, a man who prefers non-English speaking women because they are more
subservient, and many other characters. Anyway, I’ve been trying!
She said, “Yikes! What am I doing wrong? Being widowed, I have a
better than average appreciation for time; that ‘Life is short’ jingle is
brutally true. I would rather spend time in a relationship than spend time in
online dating.”
Despite the tragedies that Annise has endured, she continues to
have a sense of humor and zest for life. One of her requirements of the men she
is meeting: “He cannot be at war with his ex.”
Internet-wise, the only suggestion I have is she might try other
dating websites to avoid meeting so many bizarre characters. Other than that, Annise’s
energy, positive attitude, resiliency, and determination to never give up
looking for a mate are what it takes to find success in senior dating.
Seniors who use the Internet for dating should proceed slowly,
and must be prepared for any quirk that might surface. But love can be found,
as Cheryl experienced.
Dana Point Times August 12 2016 Senior Internet Dating
The Capistrano Dispatch August 12 2016, Senior Internet Dating