Friday, January 1, 2016

A widow gets dumped after four and a half years

So you think you’ve got it bad…A widow get dumped after four years

On Life and Love After 50

January 1, 2016

So you think you've got it bad...A widow gets dumped after four years

Just before Christmas, I received a book order from my Finding Love After 60 website bookstore. But the order form did not specify for which book the order was intended. So I emailed the woman to ask her and she responded: “Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to go. What to do,” and, voluntarily explained why she wanted the book.

She gave me permission to share her email with you today. I don’t think there are many of us who’ve had things as tough as she. Perhaps, some of you will have suggestions for her.

She said, “I am a 67-year-old widow and have not been lucky enough (yet) to find a long-term companion. I thought I had been successful, but the gentleman left me after 4 1/2 years together. That was six months ago. I still am very broken-hearted.

“I have had a tough time during the last 15 years. My husband of 30 years was a physician who died from a medical test in his own hospital. The legal term is unlawful death. I felt compelled to bring the physicians to trial who caused his death, even though being a physician’s wife I never thought I would sue another physician.

“I was then preyed upon by his partners and our stockbroker and my health took a nosedive. After recovering from these horrible events, I was a Bernard Madoff victim and lost everything that my hard-working husband and I had accumulated during our working careers.

“I am a registered nurse, so I immediately returned to work at the age of 63 and worked seven days a week, four different part-time jobs. During that time I was slowly retrieving as much as possible from the theft, and that is when this gentleman entered my life. He was the only bright spot in many, many years. He showed me a wonderful exciting life filled with sailing, club events, bike riding, hiking, and we were best friends. He made me feel special and cared for.
“I never saw his departure coming. 

He began a new relationship three weeks after telling me, ‘I need a break.’ To this day, he has never given me any explanation. His sisters told me that his explanation was that we had too many ‘bumps in the road,’ which was his expression for arguments.

“This came as quite a shock to me and I'm still recovering. I am dating several men who seem to enjoy my company, but it will be awhile until I can open my heart again to someone else because I am still in love with the man who left me.

“I've been doing a lot of reading about being addicted to someone because of my inability to get over him, and it appears I have something called Attachment Hunger. I have been seeing a therapist who has been an enormous help to me in trying to sort my way through this sad event. I have never had another living human being inflict this much pain on me.

“So, when I hear that others have had this experience of deep pain and heartbreak caused by another, it does help me connect to all humanity. My husband's death was an entirely different type of pain.

“My personal opinion is that the pain cuts deeper now because of our age. I would like to think we have learned to have more compassion and kindness for others as we have aged. Would you agree with that statement? Thank you for taking the time to read this and I really look forward to receiving your book, and I always enjoy your newsletters. You help an enormous number of people without even knowing it.”

Tom’s comment: She has been through difficult situations: loss of a husband from “unlawful death,” preyed upon by doctors and a stockbroker, and then Bernie Madoff, and then being dumped with no warning by a guy after 4 ½ years of dating. Any advice from you for her on how to get through her latest challenge?

You Champs are pretty good at advising in situations like hers. Send me an email; I will forward it to her.

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