Romance scam stopped in its tracks

On life and love after 50 newsletter

 

Tom P. Blake  -  Sept 21, 2015

Three months ago, at the request of several Champs--who wanted to correspond and exchange photos and stories with other like-minded Champs--we started a Finding Love After 50 Facebook group.

It is a friendship group, not a dating group, but people might still meet a potential mate there and that is great if it happens.

I decided to make it what Facebook calls a "closed" group, where I must approve of all members who want to join. In that way, I can screen people by checking their profiles to attempt to keep scammers and people with bad intentions out of the group and hopefully to help protect our Champs. 

While the membership has grown to 450, I've rejected more than 43 people from joining and removed a few members who made inappropriate posts.

Last week, one of our Champs, who lives in South Africa, and who has read my newsletter for years, emailed: "A good looking man joined our group last week. He contacted me immediately; we email every day. He says he is working in England and when he finishes there next week, he wants to visit me in my country and for me to be his woman."

I remember approving him; his profile revealed a handsome guy originally from England, now residing in Oklahoma; his Facebook page showed nothing suspicious. Ostensibly, his name was Chris Cornforth.

Our Champ added, "My concern: why so quick? He says we could live a few years here and then relocate back to Germany, where I'm from, or Oklahoma. I asked him how old he is, if he's divorced, or has kids, and what he's doing, and he doesn't respond to those questions. I've very worried."

I told her to be very careful, anybody who tries to rush a relationship after one week has ulterior motives. That is a red flag. And anyone who professes love within a short period of time, is blowing smoke as well.

When she emailed him that she was uncomfortable, he responded, exactly like this (notice his grammar, er, should I say, lack thereof). She forwarded his email to me: "...I Like going to Beach,swim,Dance,Write Poem,Dinner,Hanging around with Friends and going to church..I have been married twice my first wife died from fibroid Complications...

"...I had to get out of retirement to quickly see what I can do to get back on my feet luckily for me I got a contract from a construction company in africa and i am currently importing 4,000 tonns of 16mm Steelrods that will go to Benin...This is my last Job as i am finally planning to settle down with a woman i want to grow old with live a life of happiness and love together. I hope you are ready to be spoilt beyond measures.."

After reading his email, I wrote to her: "For a guy whose first language is English, this email is filled with grammar, capitalization and spelling mistakes. It was not written by an English-speaking person. Benin is a country in Africa next to Nigeria. He is a scammer; cut him off immediately.

She responded the next morning: "You are right. Fifteen minutes ago he came online and said he was robbed of all of his possessions--wallet, credit card, jewelry, etc. Then he asked for $400 to lend him and he will fly back to the USA to get money and then come straight to South Africa to be with me." She blocked him from further contact.

This is a typical Nigerian romance scam trick; I'm in a jam, send me money, and I'll pay you back very soon.

Everything romance scammers post is bogus. They search online (and not just on our Facebook page, but everywhere) for vulnerable people and try to exploit them. I removed him from our Finding Love After 50 Facebook group, grateful for our Champ's diligence, and certain that we had stopped a romance scammer. So even though I checked his profile, he still slipped through the fence and into our group.

When I posted this incident to the Facebook page, several of our women Champs said he tried to befriend them in that first week as well.

And while email, websites, and social media are wonderful and useful tools, we must realize that anyone can be anyone hidden behind the mask of communication. Stay diligent everybody, and email me the minute you see anything suspicious.  

Adversity often results in a better life situation

On Life and Love After 50 newsletter by Tom P. Blake

Four lessons arise from today's story

Champ Glen worked for 30 years in Santa Barbara County, in southern California, as a deputy sheriff for seven years, and as a district attorney investigator for 23 years. The majority of his time at the DA's office was spent in child support and parental child abduction, with stints in the bad-check, domestic violence, and elder abuse programs.

Glen said, "I loved my career but was ready to retire and have a change of pace.  My life was turned upside down when my ex left approximately six months after I retired. I was totally blindsided and never saw it coming."

I relate to Glen's story. I was totally blindsided on Xmas Eve 1993 when my wife cleaned out the house, took what she wanted, and filed for divorce three months later.

But, Glen picked up the pieces. He tried on-line dating. He said, "I met Cheryl on-line July 21, 2010, through the dating website Chemistry.com. Both are 57. 

Each of us was going through a bad divorce at the time and thankfully, Cheryl's girlfriends gave her a subscription to the Chemistry.com website. Otherwise, on her own, Cheryl never would have tried on-line dating.

"Since meeting in the summer of 2010, we continued to date long distance. I lived in Ventura, about an hour west of Los Angeles, and Cheryl lived in Huntington Beach, 45 minutes south of Los Angeles, in northern Orange County.

"In February, 2011, both of us sold our homes and moved-in together in Huntington Beach. Over the next 3 1/2 years, we completely remodeled the inside and outside of the residence and made the home ours by getting rid of 99% of the furnishings and items we had from our former lives. In November, 2014, we held an 'open house' and had 70 of our friends and neighbors over to celebrate with us. What a fun day!"

"Our time together is spent during the school year with Cheryl working as an elementary school teacher and me, retired from law enforcement, taking care of domestic duties and volunteering.

"We both love to travel, attend concerts, Los Angeles Angels baseball games, go to movies, work in our garden, dine out, attend church activities/sing in the choir and get together with friends.  

"We're hopeful that in a few years, Cheryl will retire and we'll have more time to travel and decide if we want to relocate to somewhere less urban, either in Ventura County, San Luis Obispo County. or maybe out-of-state like Prescott, AZ. In the meantime, life is good in the OC and we're happy, healthy and content."

I asked Glen if there were any marriage plans in the future.

He said, "No marriage plans in the works or contemplated at this time for either of us. Frankly, our current arrangement seems to work just fine and we're extremely happy with our situation. We both love to travel and spend much of the summer on the road. This year it was two weeks driving through Denmark, Germany and the Netherlands (our 3rd trip to Europe driving). This is a picture of us in front of the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam.

                                             Cheryl and Glen

 "On August 3, we leave for two weeks in Colombia, South America, where we'll visit Bogota, Cartagena and Medellin. A few years ago we spent two weeks driving through Panama and had a great time. We're hoping Colombia is just as much fun (although we're not driving this time!).

How did I get Glen's story? My partner Greta and I were standing under a tent to stay dry at the Orange County Fair when a couple walked up and said, "Aren't you Tom Blake?"

They introduced themselves as Cheryl and Glen; Glen said he had been reading my articles for years. They were at the Fair to celebrate their 5-year anniversary and were looking forward to seeing Willie Nelson, because they are country music fans.

Glen mentioned he had shared his and Cheryl's story with me a few years back; I asked if he'd send me a reminder. Goes to show when people get out and about interesting situations can arise.

Four lessons for older singles arise from today's story:

1 - From adversity in our lives comes opportunity, although at the time we may not realize it. We must recognize that opportunity and do something about it. A better situation may emerge months or years later

2 - Finding love after 50 can happen, but it's up to us to make it happen

3 - Long-distance relationships can work, but at least one person in the couple must be willing to move if the couple wants to live together

4 - By getting out of the house and pursuing activities we enjoy, good things can happen

Part 2 -Facebook group update

Our closed Facebook group - Finding Love After 50 - is up to 300 members and there are now 24 men. There are many sage comments from the members. Heck, I am even learning from what is being posted.

If members feel they are being bombarded by too many emails, they may simply turn off the chat option and then pick and choose the posts they want to read.

To join the group, a person must send a request via the Facebook page and I will approve your request. I have turned down some requests from people who in my judgment are suspicious of their motives for joining. If you see anything questionable, please email me immediately. 

For more articles: www.FindingLoveAfter60.com

 

Exercise: keep the body moving

On Life and Love after 50 Newsletter

by Tom Blake

Exercise: keep the body moving

Last week, I asked what Champs do to exercise.  Today, we include what 10 women and five men do to keep fit.

Jessica, Oregon, "I'm 60 and weigh the same that I did at 18. The sand has shifted some though! Twice a week, I work out at a gym. I spend 30 minutes there and lift weights and use the elliptical machine. I still work full time that fortunately has a mix of walking and desk work. Five days a week, I use a 10-minute exercise DVD as part of my morning routine. I just move around a lot, everyday."

Noelle, "I've been going to 24-Hour Fitness for years; I consider it an addition to my health insurance. I work out with weights for at least two hours a session, usually four times a week.

"I'm 79; most people think I am in my 50s or 60s. I was an avid downhill skier until a few years ago and also love West Coast Swing dancing." 

George, 75, "I live on the fourth floor. I walk up and down the stairs except when carrying loads of laundry or groceries or other heavy stuff, then it is the elevator. I walk every morning as well for local errands and chores. My car mostly sits in my garage. I do slant pushups against the kitchen counter."

Sheryl D., "I love to hike and it's a great way to keep in shape, in addition to meeting friends and my partner who I've been with for 12 years after meeting on a hike. Every weekend we go to the local mountains like Mt. Baldy, the Three T's, Cucamonga, Mt. Wilson and many other wonderful places to hike, which are an hour from our South Bay home (Southern California).

"My resting heart rate and blood pressure are low, and hiking keeps my body looking good for age 67. When I retire (I am a special education teacher like your Greta was), I hope to cycle again and to continue hiking."

Joan, "One or more of these every day: Pilates, Lindy Hop and other social dancing, Zumba and Zumba toning with weights, hiking or walking up and down hills in a park, burst exercises (high impact interval training) and swimming."

Gordon, Michigan, "For me, exercise includes exercising the mind, the soul, and the body.

"The mind: I have a hobby building radio controlled gliders/sailplanes. It requires me to problem solve while building and flying my models. An added benefit is social interaction with fellow fliers and friends. Many of our group started this hobby well after age 50 and retirement.

"The soul: "I love to fly fish for trout on area streams, rivers, and lakes. I refer to it as 'going to church' because the beauty of the water tends to be very spiritual to me. Wading in fast currents or just walking with bulky waders on is good physical exercise.

"The body: In the warmer months, I bicycle 2-30 miles a day, many days of the week. Bicycling does not over-stress your limbs and develops stamina. If you bicycle your local trails during the week, you will likely find the majority of riders are over age 50 and many are single.

"I have lost 25 pounds since April.

Merijoe, "Beachbody DVDs. They have a 10-minute DVD, a senior one, a full-hour one, some yoga ones, dance ones, just targeting your butt, and more. The latest is a 20-minute DVD: 'The 21-day fix.'

"I am also involved with a German Shepherd rescue group and get walked by the dogs every Saturday and more if I want. I walk in a nearby park that has stairs that I go up and down. At work, I walk in the parking lot on break. I do free weight lifting at home (good for the bones) and drink healthy juices."

John, 78, "I sold my car nine years ago. I go everywhere by walking, bicycle or public transportation. My bike has a small electric motor that helps with steep hills. In Europe and many foreign countries, people don't have autos, I have adapted to that lifestyle. I admit, however, that my wife does have a car, but I seldom ride in it, only out of necessity." 

Chris, San Clemente, California, "My favorite: walking from North Beach along the Pacific Ocean to the end of the pier (about 1 1/4 mile each direction) sometimes to T-Street (another 3/4 mile). I also walk the new Marblehead trails. I love the beach and fulfilled my retirement dream by moving here when I recently retired.

"I shed 35 pounds, leading to more confidence and getting back into the dating arena. Met a nice gentleman on OurTime (Senior People Meet) and though it's too soon to tell where things might go, we're both having fun enjoying each other's company and I'm enjoying life."

Cheryl B., "I will be 57 on Monday, and have joined the YMCA near my house. They have classes for all energy levels and I'm glad to re-start my exercise routine.  It's not easy getting back on track, but I am starting."

Note from Tom: Start slowly. I know of people who have been so eager to get their bodies moving again that they push too hard at the start and end up with sore knees and ankles.  

Gena, "When I turned 65, I moved from Lansing (Michigan) into a very old farmhouse near a quiet village. Taking care of a large garden and a few laying hens is pretty good physical exercise, and writing provides a good share of my mental exercise.

"At age 74, I joined a line-dancing group at the local senior center, where the other dancers are about ten years younger than I, and have been dancing three mornings a week (two hour sessions, we take no break) for six years. Good exercise and camaraderie. Benefits: reduces stress, and helps with flexibility, balance, weight control, rhythm, and best of all, lots of fun, with much laughter."

Cheryl, "I take an exercise class for an hour four mornings a week, and take walks whenever I can. I balance my diet with big, healthy salads, almond milk, and almond butter on whole wheat bread, nuts and seeds. I am slim and in good shape. Last year, I had two surgeries--one on my rotator cuff, and one on my foot. Am regaining my strength very well, and going to physical therapy and messages."

Doug, "Before I retired, I got stuck in a desk job for the last few years and found I was gaining weight as well as getting tired too quickly when climbing stairs or hiking. I joined a gym that was on my way home from work so I could stop for a quick evening workout. I have kept my gym membership but only work out three times a week. Those workouts keep my weight in balance, keeps me alert, and I no longer puff on stairs or while hiking."

In our household, Greta does water aerobics three mornings a week for an hour, and tai chi twice a week. Tom does stand up paddle boarding four to five times a week in Dana Point Harbor. We also walk together in the neighborhood one to two times a week.

Hopefully, these stories from our Champs, mostly in their 60s and 70s, will inspire other Champs who need a nudge to get the body moving. We all know how important exercise is for us, and hopefully these comments will inspire all of us to get moving a bit more.  Not to mention that exercise is a great way to lose weight, as we've heard today also. Also, social interaction is important and some of the exercise routines described result in that as well.

Lots of Champs have dogs. Walking them is good for the dog and for exercise, and it is a good way to meet people, maybe even a potential mate or two.

Remember, start slowly, but make exercise a top priority. The important thing: keep the body moving, as Champ Jessica stated.

 

Click here to go to the Finding Love After 60 website

Making friends via our Facebook Finding Love after 50 group

Making friends via our  Finding Love after 50 Facebook page

 

by Tom P. Blake

Two weeks ago, we re-activated a Facebook Finding Love After 50 group.

When I asked Champs if they preferred an open, closed, or private group, most voted for closed, where people could see the page, but not read member posts unless they joined the group. To join, I have to approve the member requests. In this way, we improve our chances of keeping people who don't belong out of the group. As of yesterday, we are up to 63 members, six were men.

One woman initially thought if we changed the name of our group to "Finding Love after 50 & 60," more men over age 60 might sign up. But then she changed her mind.

She said, "I now realize that the members are of all different ages and my concern was not valid. I can't thank you enough for reopening the "Finding Love After 50" FB website. Because of this I've been given the opportunity of meeting and getting to know some wonderful people with the same commonality as me which would not have happened otherwise!"

Even though only a few men have joined the group, their posts reflect intelligence and caring. We all can learn from them and the experiences they've had in their lives.

This week, George, from Traverse City, Michigan, posted, "If anyone is considering going on-line or is having very little response to their postings, they should take a hard look at their profile and what it says or does not say. No or little response usually means it is not working.

"In my professional life I worked as an employment specialist and during that time, I worked with hundreds of clients to develop more than 3500 resumes/cover letters, letters of applications, vitas, scholarship application letters and much more.

"I was fortunate to have many hours of training from innovative and talented writers. All emphasized that the sole purpose of an application, or in our case a profile, was to get the reader to respond in a positive manner. No response or rejection indicates your profile is not working because that is the only thing the reader sees about you.

"Once you put your information in your profile, it is there to market or sell who you are and what you are looking for. Make it high-quality, fun, and interesting. Is that not what we are all looking for in a prospective companion or partner?

"The best of responses I have read always leave me with a smile on my face, comfort in responding, and reasonable confidence that the person is genuine, intelligent, and sincere.

"It may seem intrusive to some, but I also researched people that responded. It is amazing what you can find about a person in this modern digital age. Google your own name and city and see what is out there. Also be careful it is the person you are looking for and not another with the same name.

"More times than not, it is good information. After searching my name I see things going back 10 years and activities I was involved in at the college I work for, plus some newspaper articles that mentioned me including family deaths and births. If you are concerned about anyone looking at your information on line…use an alias.

"On-line dating can be very good if you do it effectively and safely. One more thing from this guy; be honest and don’t put your H.S. graduation picture on your profile or your pet's picture. LOL."

We have another man, Art, from Florida, in our Facebook group. He is in a relationship, but has also shared valuable information about how he finally found the woman who is a perfect match for him.

So, even though we'd like to have more guys participate--and we will as time goes on--the ones we have are valuable contributors. Our group is not a dating group, but a friend-finding group. I am going to mention it in my newspaper columns so that should give us a membership boost.

And while we are speaking of single men, a quick update on Larry, the widower from Texas. I am very proud of him. He has established friendships with a few of our Champs, and is getting away from the ranch some and meeting new people. He is on his way to opening up his life.

Part 2 - A word of caution about online dating

In his last paragraph above, George reminded us to be safe in our online dating. He is right. A few months ago I received an email from a public relations firm representing a company called North Star Integrity, that does background searches. The press release quoted the FBI.

"The FBI claims that 'the most common targets (of scammers) are women over 40, who are divorced, widowed, and/or disabled, but every age group and demographic is at risk.

And then the Founder and CEO of North Star Integrity, Stephen Dorr, said, "Online dating fraud is a very real threat and can happen to anyone. The sheer number of scammers has risen dramatically over the past few years. Some may lead their victim on for months or even years to build trust, or they may strike immediately. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to determine who you can and cannot trust."

 

I only mention this about online dating as a reminder to be careful. That doesn't mean you avoid online dating, just be careful.

When you think about it, our Finding Love After 50 Facebook group is a heck of a lot safer than the big online dating companies. We all will be watching each other's backs and having fun sharing stories with each other.