Friday, April 1, 2016
Senior Dating Advice - Be happy with yourself while keeping your eyes open for a mate
On Life and Love after 50 Newsletter March 4, 2016
By Tom P Blake
Senior Dating Advice: Be happy with yourself while keeping your eyes open for a mate
Last week, in addition to the trip-to-Cuba article (to read in more detail about Cuba, see link at bottom of today's column), the newsletter included an email sent by a mid-70s widow whose husband had died of cancer. Subsequently, she met two men. One she met online who now lives in a distant nursing home so they get together using taxis.
The other man she met in her retirement community. She thought he was wonderful but heard he had abused his wife.
She concluded, “No one could match the generosity and competence of my husband. Should I continue to look around or just be happy within myself?”
I asked Champs if they had advice for her. As always, several of you came through with sage comments. Here is what 11 Champs (four men, seven women) shared:
Liz said, “Indulge me while I take on the cynic's role: This woman had a good marriage to a good man, and she should be happy she had that. Now it's time for her to be happy with herself. Like her, I am mid-seventies, well-preserved and active. I had a 10-year marriage and have been single for 41 years, all the while relatively happy with myself. Tell her to not be greedy, and leave the remaining eligible males for the likes of someone like me. She had her turn -- now it's mine. Facetiously, yours.”
Art: “She should continue looking. She probably has a long life ahead of her, to not pursue it would be a terrible waste. I started dating after my wife passed away from Alzheimer’s disease in 2007. I have been in several relationships, and now in a committed relationship with a woman seven years my junior. My life could not be better, and she could likely find the same satisfaction for herself.”
Maria shared, “My advice: First, be happy within yourself, know who you are and never let that be compromised. Second, envision the perfect mate and invite him into your life - then go looking with no expectations, but enjoy the looking - he may show up when you least expect it. Sometimes we need to get out of our own way before things that we desire fall into place.”
Dr. John: “My advice to the woman: do both, be happy within yourself and continue to look. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.”
Mindy (addressing the widow): “At your age—mid 70s—anyone you find will get health issues in the near future. Live life to the fullest—you are vibrant and healthy. If a man comes along you want to spend time with…great! But why only one guy? Enjoy the variety. Join groups that are active, travel with friends, enjoy your life.”
Joel: “This one's easy. Make sure your information is accurate about ‘what many residents say.’ Hearsay and gossip may not be accurate and complete.
"If you are satisfied the abuse stories are correct, keep looking and be happy within yourself... the two are not exclusive. You might also examine your statement ‘no one could match my husband.’
"As long as you cling to this nostalgia, you are unlikely to find a new mate and, if you are happy, that's a good outcome.”
Joanne, “The lady needs to keep these gentlemen as friends and nothing more. Life is complicated enough. Why not keep things simple and enjoy?”
Manu: “An educated woman doesn’t need an answer, just confirmation to move on. She presents herself as an active senior. Give Meetup.com a try and nix to both men.”
Sid, “OK, advice for the widow in the retirement home...I work in a retirement home full time at age 72, so I know a lot about them. Number one, if she is as she describes herself then my advice is to move out (of the retirement home) as fast as she can. A condo complex that has younger people is really what she needs.
“At her age and state of health, she could live in that place another 30 years and watch as people around her die off, now how cool is that? People move into those places to die not to live, those places are holding pens for death. Number two, she should get on Meetup.com and begin to attend events in her area that fit her interest.”
Ceil: “This is a sad situation. She should put her own priorities first. The older man in the faraway nursing home; she should stay in touch with him and visit periodically as she can be an important friend to him at a hard time in his life.
"And regards man #2, rumor and hearsay could be wrong, though she’s right to be concerned. What about asking him to have coffee with her in a PUBLIC PLACE (don’t back down on that). Tell him you heard he abused his wife, etc. Tell him you are concerned about it. See what he has to say. Don’t make any snap decisions about him. Stay away unless you feel comfortable with him.”
Marta, “First, this lady cannot know for sure that nobody can match her husband, and if she is looking to replace him, she will fail. Second, both of the gents she describes are not for her, unless she wants to nurse somebody that she does not know well. Third, she should keep dating but have higher standards - there is no need to be either a ‘nurse or a purse.’ There are lovely men out there who want to be loved and accepted, who are healthy and bright. If she can't find one of those, she shouldn’t settle, and should be happy as she is.”
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Part 2 – Senior dating advice. Attitude is important. One of the attributes that I respect in all of you is the positive attitudes you bring to the table. At times, people subscribe to the newsletter and then they decide they do not fit in with our positive-message mold. Such is the case with a woman who signed up three weeks ago. She emailed this week (this is exactly how the email appeared, I did not edit):
“lost interest,,,, no longer looking 4 GENTLEMEN,,,, THEY R ALREADY TAKEN,,,, REMOVE ME FROM THIS NEWSLETTER”
I sent her an email encouraging her to hang in with us for a while. She didn’t respond. So, she’s no longer with us. Attitude is important.
Have a great week-end.
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Part 3 - The Finding Love After 50 Facebook page. As I posted on the Facebook page Wednesday night, I have decided to shut it down in a week or two. The reason: 475 members belong but only a few are making posts. It has become almost like a few people's own Facebook page. I don't have time to monitor it and don't have time to pre-screen people who want to join, who often turn out to be people unfit for our group (in my judgment). Many of you posted that you want the site to continue. I suggest you create a new site with a new founder and a couple of administrators. I will give you time to do that; I will help you keep the contacts and friends you've made on here. Thanks for understanding.
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Tom's websites:
www.findingloveafter60.com
www.findingloveafter50.com
www.travelafter55.com
www.vicsta.com
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
50plus LIFE - On Love and Life after 50 PA couple met online on biker website
Special for 50plus LIFE – On Love and Life after 50 March, 2016 issue
Pennsylvania couple met
online years ago. Still going strong
By
Tom P Blake
Nearly
every Friday for 15 years, I’ve published and emailed a weekly newsletter called On Life and Love After 50. One of my
long-time subscribers is Pat, who became a widow shortly after the newsletter
started, and lived in Shickshinny, Pennsylvania.
In
2005, Pat, sent me an email saying she had met a wonderful man named Len on a
website called BikerKiss.com. She wrote, “I had not heard of that website until
a girlfriend, who had just bought a motorcycle, told me about it. I went on it as
sort of a joke. Len is also from Pa., however, he lives 85 miles away. He is
61. I am 65.”
Pat
stated that Len had not dated since his wife had died two years before and she had
dated, but, “not very successfully,” in the three and a half years since she had
lost her husband.
“Why
was he on BikerKiss.com?” I asked.
She
said, “Although he’s not a biker type, he has a Honda motorcycle. After a few
dates, we knew there was no turning back. Love is wonderful the second-time around.
We are like two kids--holding hands, laughing, motorcycling, and enjoying the
simple things.”
In
2009, I included Pat and Len’s story in “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50,” a
book I wrote that revealed how 50 couples had met later in life, and to give
hope to singles that finding a mate is possible. Pat and Len’s story had two important lessons:
long-distance relationships can work, and, when people venture out of their
comfort zones, positive results can occur.
To order How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 - check out the bookstore on the Finding Love After 60 website or email Tom for an autographed and personalized copy
From
time to time, I follow up with the couples featured in the book to see how they
are doing, and to get an update on their lives. Last month, I checked in with
Pat and Len.
She
wrote, “Len and I are still together, into our 12th year now and
still going strong. And we’re still riding. Since 2005, we’ve covered close to 175,000
miles across the USA and Canada. Len has the same model of bike, but there have
been two bikes since the original.
“Our
current bike is a very sweet ride with a custom-heated seat that makes
long-distance riding comfortable, especially in those chilly temperatures that
we hit in early spring and late fall in the higher elevations.
“Our
life as a couple is one of great contentment; we spend a lot of time together
but we also do things apart from each other. I’m busy with volunteering at our
library. And, yoga takes up a few mornings each week. We both love music and go
to many concerts; we have eclectic musical tastes so there is always something
new and fun to listen to.”
Pat
and Len live in Bethlehem Township in the Lehigh Valley, near Easton. Pat mentioned that Len surprised her this
past Christmas with an Alaska cruise for June, 2016. They spent 10 days there
in 2007 on the motorcycle. They are looking forward to seeing Alaska from a
different perspective.
Pat and Len on a motorcycle trip to British Columbia
Pat
said, “We are truly blessed. We found the right person at the right time and
life is good. The most important thing to me as I have gotten older is having
someone to laugh with and enjoy all of the crazy, silly things that life is
made up of. Quirkiness is a good thing.”
Pat
and Len found love where they least expected to find it, which often happens to
older singles. They also met the challenges of a long-distance relationship.
And
now, in their mid-70s, they are active, still on the bike and very much in love.
And, BikerKiss.com is still operating.
If
you see an older couple in the Lehigh Valley whiz by on a motorcycle, wave! It just
might be Len and Pat, living the good life and happy they met nearly 13 years
ago.
Note from Tom: To sign up for the
complimentary On Life and Love After
50 e-newsletter, visit www.FindingLoveAfter60.com and click on join our newsletter.
For
information on How 50 Couples Found
Love After 50, visit Tom's bookstore at FindingLoveAfter 60. com or contact Tom by email (tompblake@gmail.com) or visit Amazon.com. This article appeared in these 50plus LIFE newspapers in March, 2016:
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Cuba - Feb 14 - Feb 22 2016
On life and love after 50 newsletter
Tom P Blake
Seniors
explore Cuba Feb 14 - 22 2016
Greta, my life partner, and I traveled to Cuba for one
week on a people-to-people educational exchange tour.
Day
1
Greta and I departed LAX on Valentine’s Day and flew to
Miami. That night, the tour group gathered in a Crowne Plaza Hotel conference room
for an initial briefing by a representative of HIA Travel (Chicago-based), the
company that organized the trip.
There were 43 alumni in our group from colleges across
the USA, including 14 who booked reservations through five different University
of California campuses. Greta, a graduate of UC Irvine, was the only person
from her school.
Other universities represented were Rutgers, Michigan, Purdue, Miami,
DePauw, Cornell, Indiana, Kansas and Colorado College.
Traveling with us: Vivian, a bi-lingual Cuban guide, Simona,
a tri-lingual guide from Italy, and Ernesto, a wonderful Cuban bus driver. Four
of the women shared rooms; one traveled alone. There were 39 couples in the
group and five single women (no single men). Other than their spouses, most
people did not know each other beforehand.
All of us were seniors age 60 to mid-80, except for one
younger couple, who were traveling with the wife’s parents. Most were retired. All
had interesting backgrounds and histories. There were two scientists, five
doctors, a dentist, teachers, nurses, and one guy who used to own a deli.
Day
2
On Monday, February 15, group members had to arrive at
the airport four hours before departure because processing of visas and
paperwork for travel to Cuba—even with an educational group-- takes time. We
flew on a chartered American Airlines 737 from Miami to Santa Clara, Cuba,
which is located in the central part of the country.
After landing, bus driver Ernesto drove us for three
hours to the Hotel Memories Paraiso Azul, a huge resort on Cuba’s north shore. The
resort reminded me of the old Club Med’s of 40-50 years ago. The members of our
group were gradually getting to know each other.
At the hotel, currency was exchanged for the Cuban tourist
peso, called the CUC. Credit cards are still not accepted in most places in
Cuba. There is a 12% fee for exchanging American money. The Cuban people are
required to use a different peso, called a PUC, which is valued at only 4% of
the CUC. The dual currency system there is screwy and confusing.
For the first three days, we were on the bus a lot: day
one, 3 hours (after 5 hours getting to Cuba); days two and three, 8 hours each.
Day 3
On day three, our bus passed through farmlands and
small towns to the historic city of Trinidad, a UNESCO World Heritage site.
There, we were invited into the private home of Mata, a well-known Cuban
painter. He and his wife served coffee as we viewed his paintings. One woman
purchased two of Mata’s paintings.
Also in Trinidad, we were entertained by an Afro-Cuban
band in a club. Afro-Cuban music is popular in Cuba, mixing the African
heritage of Cuba with the Latin America heritage. Many of our group danced
onstage with the band’s vocalists.
That night, we arrived in the city of Cienfuegos,
located on the south coast of Cuba. Dinner was served at a private home that
had been converted into a restaurant. For all of our lunches and dinners, the
first item served was the Cuban drink, Mojito, a popular rum concoction with sugar,
lime and mint leaves.
When Greta and I went to our room at the Hotel Jagua, we
had difficulty getting the door to unlock.
Our guide Simona came up to help and
pointed out to us that we were occupying the room in which Fidel Castro had
slept on August 18, 1960, which indicates how old the hotel was. The ghost of
Fidel Castro, who is still living, didn’t appear that night, but in the
morning, the shower doors were wet as if someone had taken a shower during the
night (and it wasn’t either one of us).
Day 4
The following day, on the anticipated five-hour bus
ride to Havana, the bus got a flat tire. Luckily, we were near a truck stop
that served ice cream, soft drinks, beer, and rum. It took three hours to
change the tire. Three young, shirtless, Cuban men appeared out of the night,
and were able to help get a replacement tire on. They did not want tips but
were given some anyway. Not one person complained about the wait. In fact, the
group made the best of the inconvenience. A couple of bottles of Havana Club rum were shared, which, of
course, helped the cause.
An interesting thing happened to me during the stay at
the truck stop. A few of us struck up a conversation with a Cuban man. He said
he was born during the Cuban Missile Crisis in September, 1962, and that his
mother could see the U.S. Navy warships from the hospital room in Havana.
I told him I had been in the Cuban Missile Crisis, also
in September, assigned to a Naval warship, but had spent most of my time in San
Juan, Puerto Rico. So there we were 53 years later, meeting at a truck stop,
both having been on opposite sides of the standoff, not too many miles apart.
We bonded like brothers. We exchanged email addresses. When he said good-bye,
he had tears in his eyes. (OK, I admit, I did also).
Five days later, in Miami, I received an email from
him.
The bus made it to Havana, but was whisked away for
servicing.
Day
5
Our hotel in Havana for five nights was the majestic,
21-story Melia Cohiba, which was opened in 1995. We were 100 yards from the
ocean. There were other high-rise hotels nearby. The room assigned to Greta and
me was on the 13th floor. Each morning, between 4:45 a.m. and 6
a.m., I could hear a rooster crow from the neighborhood down below.
That rooster crowing among big hotels represented Cuba
to me: relatively new buildings mixed in with the old neighborhoods, side-by-side.
Hens and roosters roaming free. As Havana grows with tourism and new hotels,
the locals want the old buildings to be renovated, retained, but not torn down.
Keeping the charm of historical Havana is a top priority to the locals.
Guides Simona and Vivian surprised the group the next
morning by having 11 old American convertibles, each a different color and make
of car, and all with tops down, pick us up at the hotel and drive us around Old
Havana. Our caravan turned many heads around town.
Tom and Greta in a 1956 Buick Special
During lunch, driver Ernesto appeared and gave us the
thumbs- up—the bus was repaired and ready to go. The group applauded him. He
had become an important part of the cameraradie that had grown among us. He was
a very careful driver. I can’t tell you the number of times he had to stop or
slow down for cows, dogs, goats, people, horse and buggies, bicycles and motor
scooters.
The meals on this trip were incredible.
Everything was
fresh—tropical fruit, black beans, rice, chicken, seafood, and pork. Most wines
were from Chile. Cuban beer was great. Bottled water was served with all meals
and was always available on the bus. You even brushed your teeth with bottled
water. I have to give lots of credit to HIA travel for putting together such a
fascinating itinerary with exceptional guides.
That afternoon, we were driven to the home of Ernest
Hemingway, about 40 minutes outside of Havana. Doors and windows of the house
were open but tourists are not allowed inside. However, one could see nearly
the entire home by peeking in the openings. Hemingway is considered a hero in
Cuba. On the grounds, we observed juice being compressed through a wringer by
two young men out of sugar cane sticks.
Day 6
On day six, we had a tour of a cigar factory where
17,000 cigars are hand-made daily. We were told, “Absolutely no photos
in the factory.” However, before we left the floor where the cigars were
rolled, our factory guide winked at us and suggested a quick picture with our
cell phone camera would be overlooked. Here is the photo:
Cigar Factory
Each U.S. citizen can bring a combination of Cuban
cigars and rum worth $100 into the states. Greta and I spent about half of our
allotment on both in the cigar factory gift shop. By the way, Cuban souvenirs
and trinkets are very inexpensive in Cuba.
Our group, being on an educational tour, enjoyed
lectures by two college professors and other experts. We learned about Cuban
history, the revolution and overthrow of Batista, and how Cuba is embracing the
free world, but faces many challenges along the way. We learned about the
heroes and villains; Jose Marti, Che Guevara, and Fidel Castro are highly
regarded here. Batista is despised.
Places visited: elementary school, senior nursing home,
eco-friendly community and two highly-regarded Cuban dance studios. Some members
of our group brought gifts and essentials with them for school children and
seniors. Items like pencils, pens, toilet paper, are greatly appreciated. One
night, we enjoyed Cuba Libres (rum and Coke) and a one-hour salsa lesson from
six young men and women atop a hotel overlooking Havana.
Speaking of toilet paper, it is in short supply in
Cuba. Some restrooms along the highways have no toilet paper so locals carry
their own. Even Simona carried extra in case any of our group needed some. And
many toilets in public places have no toilet seats---you can visualize for
yourself.
At the University of Havana, one young student gave us
an informative talk and a walking tour of the campus. Education in Cuba is paid
for by the government, all the way through college, including medical, law, and
engineering schools.
Day
7
On the day before we departed, we took a 1 ½ hour bus
ride from Havana to the Pinar Del Rio, the most western province to an
eco-friendly socialist community called Las Terrazas, established in the 1980s,
that provides housing, food, and medical care to more than 1200 people. All of
the food for the people is organic, grown on the land, which was replanted
after the forests were depleted by logging 50 years ago.
A five-course lunch was served at a vegetarian
restaurant at the community with unique entrees like banana soup, black-bean
soup and fruit/vegetable soup.
Day
8
After the group members checked out of the Melia Cohiba
Hotel at 8 a.m., the bus headed back to the arrival city of Santa Clara. On the
way, we passed sugar cane fields and fields of corn. But much of the land
between Havana and Santa Clara, while having a rich, fertile soil, has not been
developed. Our guide explained that because there are no communities where
farmers could live, this land goes uncultivated. You see no John Deere farm
equipment in Cuba, only old tractors left behind by the Russians when they
departed in 1998.
Our final stops before going to the airport were at the
Che Guevara memorial and just a couple of miles from there, the actual train
wreck and bulldozer that Che used to dislodge the tracks, causing the
derailment in 1958, of the train carrying 400 loyal Batista soldiers who were
onboard. (This is the story our group was told by our tour leaders; I've have heard other versions). Guevara’s loyal band of 20 revolutionaries either killed or took
prisoner all of the soldiers.
The train derailment was the catalyst for Batista to
flee the country two days later.
And then, within one mile from the airport, the engine
of the bus starting making a noise that sounded like something had blown: a
tire, muffler, gasket, or piston rod. We all looked at each other and said, “Oh
no.” But, Ernesto was able to ease the bus to the airport.
By the end of the eight days together, many friendships
had been formed among our group. A few (12 or so) became ill on the trip with
gastro-intestinal problems, lasting for a day or two.
Tour guide Vivian took advantage of time on the bus to
educate us on all aspects of Cuban culture and history. Her English was near
perfect and her demeanor friendly. And tour guide Simona always looked out for
our well-being and reminded us to recycle everything. And while rare, she told
us to be careful in a couple of locations for pickpockets. As always while
traveling, being vigilant is important.
Greta and I found the beautiful people of Cuba very
welcoming of Americans. They seemed to be thrilled that we were in Cuba and
that relations between our two countries are warming. And in the rest of our
group, all seemed to feel the same way.
It was truly a wonderful learning experience. We all
hoped that Ernesto was able to get back to his family in Havana that night.
For more in-depth coverage, and lots of photos, go to this website and click on the yellow 'Cuba 2016' box.
Tom's other websites:
Sunday, February 14, 2016
50plus LIFE - On Life and Love after 50 - 10 tips for finding a mate
50plus
LIFE – Feb 14, 2016
On
Life and Love after 50
By
Tom P. Blake
Greetings, Introductions,
and Tom’s 10 tips for finding a mate
I
am honored, especially on Valentine’s Day, to be introduced to your newspaper.
I have a warm spot in my heart for Pennsylvania. My mother was born in Erie.
My
column started when two female editors in Dana Point, Calif., gave me my first
writing assignment. I had just gone through a divorce and thought dating would
be easy. It turned out to be difficult, and I wrote about the frustrations of a
single guy in his early 50s trying to date again.
I
complained and whined that younger women wouldn’t go out with me and women my
age expected me to pay for dates.
The
editors felt that the single women in Southern California would have a field
day taking potshots at my woe-is-me message.
They
were right. When my first column ran, a woman said: “Who is this sniveling
puke?” Another said, “Get the boy a crying towel.”
Women
told me my writing became less controversial and more palatable when I started
dating my life partner, Greta.
I’ve
written approximately 3,500 articles and newsletters on finding love, in the
later years, and writing on this topic has been good to me. I’ve published four
books and have been interview by Matt Lauer on the Today show and Diane Sawyer on Good
Morning America—humbling.
My
writing scope has broadened from finding love after 50 to “On life and love after 50,” as older singles deal with life issues
often beyond the scope of just dating and seeking love.
My
advice is applicable to anyone age 50 to 90. Yes, I know people in their 90s
who have found love who can show affection towards each other similar to a
couple of teenagers.
While
my articles target singles, approximately 35 percent of my readers are married.
Many tell me that reading about the hardships singles endure encourages them to
appreciate their spouses more and they work harder at making their marriages
last.
My
advice to married couples is usually pretty simple: Stay together and work out
the issues.
Let’s
have fun together. Maybe we can help some older singles find love. But to
continue writing about senior dating, I need input from readers—your questions,
comments, and stories about life and love after 50.
Email
me at tompblake@gmail.com and I will
respond within a day or two, unless I am traveling overseas, which Greta and I
try to do while we are healthy enough to go. Who knows? We might include you in
a column.
One
thing is certain: As more and more people become single later in life—due to
divorce or the loss of a spouse—there are always new and challenging issues.
People
often tell me, I never thought I’d be single at this stage in my life.” My hope
is to help as many of them as possible.
My
life partner Greta and I had dinner with a 78-year-old widower friend of ours
after Christmas. As we were leaving the restaurant, he said, “I don’t want to be
alone anymore. But I don’t know how to meet a potential mate. What do you
advise?”
I put
together a list that would help him get started. I call it Tom’s 10 tips for finding a mate. The tips apply to both men and
women.
1. Let
friends, family and acquaintances know that you’d like to meet other singles.
That’s what Ken did with me. He let me know that he was rejoining the human
race and wanted to meet new people. The more people he gets the word out to,
the better his chances of finding someone. It’s called networking. And it
works.
A
week after Ken asked for advice, I received an email from a single woman in his
city. I asked each one of them separately if they’d like to correspond. They
said yes. Had Ken not mentioned his situation to me, I wouldn’t have thought
about introducing them.
2. Get off the couch and out of the house. You
won’t meet anybody sitting at home. You need to be where you will meet new people.
Sure, it takes energy and time, but it will give you a purpose. Attend
weddings, reunions, church activities, dances and accept all invitations to
events. Volunteer. Another widower I know volunteers at a nearby hospital twice
a week and helps feed the homeless at his brother’s church twice a month. He’s
met single women at both places.
3. Go out to enrich your life and meet new
people. Do not go out solely to find a mate. People looking too hard come off
as desperate, and end up turning off the opposite sex. Often, it’s when we
aren’t looking that we meet someone special.
4. Pursue activities you enjoy where both sexes
are involved. For guys repairing old cars, you likely won’t meet a potential
mate. Ditto for women who are quilting.
5. Get the body moving. Walk and exercise. Be
friendly to folks you see along the way. Offer to walk with them if
appropriate.
6. Keep expectations in check. Meeting a
potential mate won’t be easy but don’t give up. It takes time.
7. Internet dating is one method of meeting
potential mates. For people living in remote areas, online dating may be a necessity
to meet new people. For people 50-plus, online dating is risky. There are
scammers and evil people looking for vulnerable and lonely singles. However, it
has worked for lots of couples. If a guy online sounds too good to be true, he
is. Trust your instincts. Don’t be naïve.
8.
Smile and be friendly, positive and upbeat. If you are in a post-office line,
or a grocery-store line, be assertive by striking up a conversation--but don’t
be overly-pushy about it.
9.
Check out the website, http://www.Meetup.com. There is no cost and they have clubs and groups across the USA that cover all
kinds of special interests. Pick some different ones and attend them. You will
be enriching your life and making new friends.
10.
Subscribe to my weekly On life and Love
after 50 E-newsletter at www.FindingLoveAfter60.com. There is no cost. More
than 1,000 singles ages 50-90 from across the USA share their experiences,
frustrations and successes.
Above
all, recharge your batteries and get out and meet new people. I’m betting our
friend Ken will be up and running in no time.
For
dating information, previous articles, or to sign up for Tom’s complimentary
weekly e-newsletter, go to www.FindingLoveAfter60.com.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Senior cyclist leaves no carbon footprint
On Life and Love After 50 newsletter
February 12, 2016
by Tom P. Blake
Senior cyclist leaves no carbon footprint
Senior cyclist leaves no carbon footprint
I met John Bates in Dana Point, California, in 1990 in the parking
lot of the Dana Niguel Bank, which is now the Pacific Western Bank. My deli,
Tutor and Spunky’s, and other local restaurants, were serving food at an outdoor
Chamber of Commerce mixer.
John has always been interested in local
transportation. In 1990, he was a commissioner
on the Dana Point Traffic Improvement Commission. I recall him telling me that
day, “Our first recommendation
was to get rid of Caltrans and return to two-way traffic on PCH and Del Prado.”
Over the years, John and I have stayed in touched. Recently
we met for coffee in the harbor at Coffee Importers. He is still interested in local
transportation, but on more personal level. To get to the harbor from his San
Juan Capistrano home, he rode his bicycle.
I asked him how often he rode. John said, “All of the
time. Before I retired 12 years ago, I sold my car and used my bike to commute
to my Dana Point office my home.”
“Have you always been a bike rider?” I asked.
He said, “I got my first bike at age 8 when my family
moved from Los Angeles to Pasadena. That bike was several sizes too large for
me. I couldn’t sit on the seat because my feet didn’t reach the pedals, so I
rode around all day in a standing position.
“But, I loved the freedom and the extended range that that
bike afforded me. I soon learned the streets of Pasadena, the Rose Bowl, Devils
Gate Dam, Colorado Blvd and the Rose Parade. I knew it all and thought it was
cool.
“I had several bikes during my youth, and graduated
from fat balloon-tire cruisers to thin-tire hot racing bikes, and used them all
for delivering newspapers and for my basic transportation for years. However,
when I turned 16 and got my driver’s license, I put my bike away for several
years.
John said when he and his wife Judy had children, they
got their son and daughter bicycles as soon as the children were able to ride. The
family went on riding trips together, including a three-day trip from their
Mission Viejo home to San Diego.
John added, “Years later, when my daughter graduated
from the University of San Francisco, she and I rode our bikes from San Francisco
to Santa Barbara, a 360-mile trip down Hwy 1 that took six days. She and I
still have occasional half-day rides, and always talk about the highlights of
our six-day trip together.
“Now that I’m retired, I bought a battery-assisted
bicycle, and use my bike to get to and from the Mission San Juan Capistrano,
where I’m a volunteer docent, and zip around from Mission Viejo to San Clemente
and Dana Point for lunch, coffee meetings, shopping, and various errands.
“At age 78, I consider myself very fortunate to still
enjoy cycling. My bike is again my basic transportation, and, even after all
these years, I still get a thrill from the freedom that riding a bicycle gives
me. I fall off once-in-a- while, but after 70 years of cycling, I’m still in
one piece and enjoy every minute on the road.
“By riding my bike instead of driving a car, I get
valuable exercise and am pleased that I don’t leave a carbon footprint on the
environment. However, I will admit that my wife still has her car and sometimes
I ride with her.
“And regarding the 1990 Traffic
Improvement Commission recommendation about the two-way traffic in Dana Point,
it only took 25 years to make it happen, but we were right…it’s much better for
all concerned.”
If more people would follow John’s
bike-riding example, our cities might start to resemble European cities such as
Amsterdam where bicycles outnumber automobiles. Wouldn’t that be nice!
John Bates and his beloved bicycle (photo by Tom Blake)
Friday, February 5, 2016
Newsletter 2016 #6 Madam Secretary and Chemistry update
Madam
Secretary and Chemistry update
On life and love after 50 newsletter
February 5, 2016
Tom P. Blake
Madam Secretary
Champ Mark emailed, “Do you watch “Madam Secretary” on
CBS Sunday nights? A main story line in the latest episode (January 31)
involved the swindling of an older man via an online dating site, and how that
played a major part in his suicide. The writing in those scenes was taken from
your columns, or so it seems.”
I told Mark that I did not watch that episode, but
Greta did and told me about it. I answered, “Doubt if it was taken from my
columns, but preventing romance scams from happening is one of our goals.”
After Mark’s question, I went online and watched it. In
the episode, Madam Secretary’s husband’s father was the older man. He was
lonely and went on a dating site. A scammer trolled the site and made contact
with the man.
The scammer sent a picture ostensibly of herself, but
it was taken from the Internet of an actress in Hollywood; the old man framed
it and put the picture on his mantle. The scammer told the old man that she was
too busy to meet him in person for the time being, but needed a loan. He gave
it to the scammer, thinking he was helping the pretty woman who loved him.
When he discovered he’d been scammed, he committed
suicide by taking an entire bottle of hydrocodone, a dangerous pain medication.
An investigation revealed that the scammer was the old
man’s friend, a man who lived
nearby. In the episode, that man scammer came to the house to give his condolences to
the family. Later, the scammer was arrested.
The episode did not get into a lot of details about the
scam. But, the messages were clear:
-Anybody can be anybody online. Do not trust
anyone until you meet in person and get to know that person well
- Do not send money to someone you’ve never
met unless you don’t expect to get it back
· - Don’t fall in love with an image
· -Meet the person face-to-face as soon as
possible
Thanks to Champ Mark for reminding me of that episode.
Chemistry update
You may recall that last October we ran two
consecutive newsletters on the subject of chemistry. A male Champ shared with
us that his girlfriend of four months told him she didn’t feel chemistry toward
him.
The following week, we included 20 responses to
his situation. Most Champs, but not all, felt he should move on. The feeling
was, at his age, why waste a lot of time?
This week--3 ½ months later--he emailed an
update: “Last night was our last date. I still don’t ‘light her fire’ and she
doesn’t want me to waste my time on her and wants me to find someone who will
fill my needs.”
He hopes she will change her mind. He added, “I
just can’t erase my feelings for her and move on. I loved my girlfriend of
three years in high school…I loved my wife for 50+ years and still do and
always will…I also ‘loved’ this lady knowing full well where it could end.
“So, it will be awhile, if ever, before I try
the dating scene again.” He is now 73.
But, is he really done with her? He added, “We
have three more event tickets to the venue where we saw Travis Tritt last night
and it’s likely we will go as friends.” So, he still keeps hanging on, although
it was their last date (as boyfriend/girlfriend).
This is a nice man. I checked him out online and
he has a successful business. I just hate to see him go through more pain by
taking her to three more concerts. I wish he could take someone else to those
events. His situation reminds me of words from Garth Brooks’ song, The Dance: I could have missed the pain,
but I would have had to miss the dance.
Not only is finding a compatible mate difficult
after 70, but once you do, dating that person isn’t exactly a snap either.
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