Widow gets dumped follow up comments by readers

Widow gets dumped follow up comments by readers

On Life and Love After 50 Newsletter 

Jan 8, 2016  

by Tom P. Blake

Widow gets dumped follow up comments by readers

Last week, the newsletter featured a widow who has had a hard life. Most recently, she was dumped by her man-friend after four and a half years. I asked for your opinions, and you really came through. Our Champs are intelligent, experienced and caring at the same time.

There were so many sage emails that I can’t begin to do justice to them all. I could easily write an entire ebook on the subject of getting dumped later in life. It has happened to a lot of our Champs so it is more common than one would expect.

What I am doing today, is sharing the advice many of you offered to her—5 women and 5 men. The men were more direct in their comments. Again, these are just some of the highlights. Many requested anonymity so I will just use a first-name initial.

We begin with comments from five women:

L, who dated a widower for 1 ½ years before he bailed, said, “I will never again believe that my happiness is tied to a relationship. I am responsible for my happiness and delighted to be independent. If I meet someone that I can share that happiness with in the future, it will be a good thing too. But, I won’t compromise my life, my love, my self-care or financial well-being, thinking that I will find those things in a partner.”

G, “There is no cure for heartbreak, only time will heal. There are few words of comfort for this lady, just to let her grieve out and go on.

“What always helped me was writing about it. I kept a journal and after some time you look back and you know you are healing.

"The gentleman, as she called him, was not a gentleman; he was already seeing someone else when he told her he needed a break.”

ML, “It is necessary to have a relationship with self before all else. Although my fiancé and I were together only 2 ½ years, I was still knocked off my pins by his desire to leave our relationship. Use your pain to examine your life, not to see who was wrong or what you did wrong, but to get to know yourself. Maybe take a year off from dating and just explore who you are. Take classes, join meet ups, get some exercise, things like that. There is so very much to life.”

E, “I detect a victim attitude. I have seen this with women who tend to get into abusive relationships. What she needs to do is get over that because people will take advantage of it.”

J, “Donna@lovefraud.com is one of the better websites including books to order for people who have been addicted to narcissists (love them and leave them types).  During the last of four years I was hung up on one of those, I read everything I could get my hands on realizing that I wasn't dealing with a 'normal' human being that grows more compassionate with age but with someone who doesn't have the capacity for real love or empathy at all.  It's been 2 1/2 years since no contact with him, and I am just starting to feel 'over' him and almost ready to look for someone else. 

“I am 67 and haven't dated in a long time. Since your reader was preyed on by Bernie Madoff as well, my guess is that she needs to do a lot of homework and study to recognize people that aren't really human beings (due to different wiring in the brain) and accept that there are so-called people that only live to use and abuse others. It's about one in twenty people so they're everywhere.”

And five men also commented: C, “So she had a husband for 30 years, a boyfriend for almost 5 years who loved her and she loved them. Plus, the courtship. At least she had a couple in her life. She hasn't lost a child. She hasn't been in an abusive relationship. Considering everyone has bumps in life. Hers isn’t that bad.” W, “I had a couple of questions. What else is going on this lady’s life that can give her some joy? Kids? Grandkids? Hobbies? Charities? Relying on simply a relationship for her happiness is risky business. She needs to focus on a variety of things and ‘let the game come to her.’ “Also, many Madoff victims have been able to recover a significant portion of their losses. “Something does not smell right…” N, “This is a quandary on how to respond without appearing calloused or uncaring. Bottom line this woman appears to be a nice, sweet lady. But as we all now she first must take responsibility for her situation. “There are some serious questions here. Why did a woman in that situation not have life insurance? There are questions about losing her investments. The situation that the boyfriend she had a wonderful relationship just walked away is also suspect? She sounds like a woman who has not taken responsibility for her own life. People don't willingly walk away if their needs are being met. Denial is not a river in Egypt.” K, “My advice to her is to take heart from all the incredible people that wish her well. She sounds like a fighter with an irrepressible sense of life! An honest, open person like her will rebound well! J, “I have advice for the widow, although she may not be receptive to it.  It's based on what I have been through in my life: “It's clear she sees herself as a victim. I used to see myself as one. That doesn't help. When you are a victim, things are done to you, that are out of your control. When you refuse to play the victim role, you do things, that are under your control. The only part of her letter where she does not take the victim role - and it is almost always a choice - is when she went back to work after losing investments. In that instance, SHE did something positive to improve her life. “Yes, a series of unfortunate events has occurred - guess what? That's life. There are people to whom better things have happened, there are people to whom worse things have happened. She has her health - an ENORMOUS plus - and the skills to be employed at a well-paying job - another ENORMOUS plus.  Although she has lost investment money, it does not appear she is in debt - a third ENORMOUS plus. “I would advise her to look into herself to see why She chose an unsuitable man - because it was her choice.  A therapist likely could help with this.  Then move on.”

Part 2 

The Facebook page.

We started the Finding Love After 50 Facebook page about six months ago. It quickly grew to about 475 members, and that’s where it stands now. Actually, 479 members.

But, I have some concerns about whether we should keep it operating or not.

My biggest concern is the people who want to become members. I have blocked 122 people, mainly because I think they are scammers and not who they say they are. 

Currently, there are six men who have requested to be added. But, I simply don’t trust them. They don’t provide information about themselves. No information on where they live, what they do, and some are new to Facebook within the last few days. Others joined a year ago and belong to 30+ groups. Others are from far away foreign lands and on their timelines post suspicious material. I have become more of a policeman that an administrator. Above all, we must protect our members.

My second concern is that very few of the 479 members make posts anymore. It seems our Facebook page is dominated by a handful of people, often posting multiple comments each day. I am wondering if this situation has turned off the others. It’s like our FB page has become their personal FB page.

I would like your comments. Should we continue?

Part 3

Another senior scam reported. Thanks to Champ Kathy for providing a link to a Kingman, Arizona, newspaper article about a very scary situation that happened on the senior dating site, Our Time. I recommend that you click on the link and read the story. The woman who met a man on the site has disappeared. We have to be so dam careful with the people we meet.

Link to Kingman, Arizona scam article

A widow gets dumped after four and a half years

So you think you’ve got it bad…A widow get dumped after four years

On Life and Love After 50

January 1, 2016

So you think you've got it bad...A widow gets dumped after four years

Just before Christmas, I received a book order from my Finding Love After 60 website bookstore. But the order form did not specify for which book the order was intended. So I emailed the woman to ask her and she responded: “Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to go. What to do,” and, voluntarily explained why she wanted the book.

She gave me permission to share her email with you today. I don’t think there are many of us who’ve had things as tough as she. Perhaps, some of you will have suggestions for her.

She said, “I am a 67-year-old widow and have not been lucky enough (yet) to find a long-term companion. I thought I had been successful, but the gentleman left me after 4 1/2 years together. That was six months ago. I still am very broken-hearted.

“I have had a tough time during the last 15 years. My husband of 30 years was a physician who died from a medical test in his own hospital. The legal term is unlawful death. I felt compelled to bring the physicians to trial who caused his death, even though being a physician’s wife I never thought I would sue another physician.

“I was then preyed upon by his partners and our stockbroker and my health took a nosedive. After recovering from these horrible events, I was a Bernard Madoff victim and lost everything that my hard-working husband and I had accumulated during our working careers.

“I am a registered nurse, so I immediately returned to work at the age of 63 and worked seven days a week, four different part-time jobs. During that time I was slowly retrieving as much as possible from the theft, and that is when this gentleman entered my life. He was the only bright spot in many, many years. He showed me a wonderful exciting life filled with sailing, club events, bike riding, hiking, and we were best friends. He made me feel special and cared for.

“I never saw his departure coming. 

He began a new relationship three weeks after telling me, ‘I need a break.’ To this day, he has never given me any explanation. His sisters told me that his explanation was that we had too many ‘bumps in the road,’ which was his expression for arguments.

“This came as quite a shock to me and I'm still recovering. I am dating several men who seem to enjoy my company, but it will be awhile until I can open my heart again to someone else because I am still in love with the man who left me.

“I've been doing a lot of reading about being addicted to someone because of my inability to get over him, and it appears I have something called Attachment Hunger. I have been seeing a therapist who has been an enormous help to me in trying to sort my way through this sad event. I have never had another living human being inflict this much pain on me.

“So, when I hear that others have had this experience of deep pain and heartbreak caused by another, it does help me connect to all humanity. My husband's death was an entirely different type of pain.

“My personal opinion is that the pain cuts deeper now because of our age. I would like to think we have learned to have more compassion and kindness for others as we have aged. Would you agree with that statement? Thank you for taking the time to read this and I really look forward to receiving your book, and I always enjoy your newsletters. You help an enormous number of people without even knowing it.”

Tom’s comment: She has been through difficult situations: loss of a husband from “unlawful death,” preyed upon by doctors and a stockbroker, and then Bernie Madoff, and then being dumped with no warning by a guy after 4 ½ years of dating. Any advice from you for her on how to get through her latest challenge?

You Champs are pretty good at advising in situations like hers. Send me an email; I will forward it to her.

Biggest retirement challenge: Deciding which bucket list items to tackle first

Biggest retirement challenge: Deciding which bucket list items to tackle first

Before I retired on January 30, retired people often told me: "You will wonder where the time goes and be busier than ever."

I suspected they were right. I had been building a bucket list over the years and it had several items on it. The top item: travel with my partner Greta as much as we can while our health permits. In April and May, we took a nice trip to Europe.

Second item on the list: exercise. Stand Up Paddle Boarding (SUP) at Baby Beach in Dana Point Harbor fulfills that goal 3-4 times per week.

Other items: continue writing this column, and then there was preparation for the fantasy football season, which kicks off this week.

One item had been on the original bucket list since 2005, the year the movie Walk The Line--the portrayal of Johnny Cash's life--was released. I had a problem with the movie; I felt the portrayal of Johnny was way too negative.

Why did that concern me? I knew Johnny Cash and worked with him for two years in the mid-1970s when I was the marketing director for the Victoria Station restaurant chain. I had hired Johnny to do our radio commercials and got to know him well. He was one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.

That 10-year bucket list item: Write a book that would reveal the kind and caring side of Johnny Cash that I had witnessed first-hand. I simply wanted to set the record straight. Before retiring, I didn't have time to finish it.

Finally, 10 years later, over this summer, I wrote the book. Last week, I put the full-court press on finishing it. If you don't do it that way with a book, you'll never get it done. On Friday, I uploaded the finished book to one of the largest online Ebook bookstores in the world, Smashwords.com.

The title: "The Johnny Cash I Knew. A Kind and Caring Man." Most of the 17 pictures were taken 40 years ago with my old Kodak camera and there are many examples of Johnny's kindness in the book.

The most unique experience with Johnny: Going into San Quentin Prison with him for a concert.

Many older people tell me they want to write a book, to leave a legacy for their families. Ebooks are a great way to accomplish that goal without much cost, and, after they are published, they can be updated and changed. I invite readers to contact me if they have questions about ebook publishing.

So, with the book published, it's time to turn to other bucket list items, but which ones? Therein lies the challenge of retirement: which activity to tackle next? Those retirees who said "You'll be busier than ever" were right.

Maybe I'll open a restaurant. Nope, already done that one for 26 years. It's probably time for another trip with Greta.

To read the first 15% of this ebook at no charge, or to purchase the book for $3.99, tap on the link below on Smashwords.com:

https:www.smashwords.com/books/view/574810

Doomed to be the 5th wheel in early retirement?

On Life and Love After 50 Newsletter

Tom P. Blake  November 13, 2015

When I have time, I enjoy reading other blogs and websites that are related to or somewhat related to the topics that we discuss in our newsletter. I enjoy reading other peoples’ perspectives on life at 50+.

One website and blog I’ve followed for years is the RetireEarlyLifestyle site, where this week I read an article that piqued my interest. A woman named Pamela (not the Pamela from last week’s newsletter) wrote to the publishers, Billy and Akaisha Kaderli, who are experts at retiring early and living in foreign countries. They started pursuing this lifestyle at age 38.

But, I want to say, the advice they provide is appropriate for anyone considering retiring overseas, regardless of age. I retired at 75, guess I don't fall into the "retire early" category, but I still enjoy reading their articles because they are about travel and so interesting.

In the article, Pamela said, “I’ve reached financial independence and want to retire early. There are so many more things I want to do with my life. I was hoping to find a fella who wants to retire early also. Someone on the same wavelength as me…”I know plenty of fellows who could retire early…but they refuse to…

“My question is: are there single fellas out there in the early retirement world? I have visions of it being populated entirely by couples and I’ll forever be doomed to being the fifth wheel, which is not a very appealing future.”

Pamela’s question to Billy and Akaisha is similar to one I often hear: “Where are the available men?” I felt the answers they provided to Pamela were very insightful.

They said, “There are single men out in the Early Retirement, Financially Independent world! They are traveling and living fulfilling lives and some of them are looking for a like-minded travel companion.”

Billy and Akaisha mentioned that some of those men complain that the single women they know either do not want to travel or leave their kids for long periods of time, or, aren’t adventurous enough, or, find travel is too expensive for them.

Billy and Akaisha added, “…to find a traveler, one needs to get out there and travel! You won’t find them at the country clubs or working in banks…These travelers have already come to the conclusion that they want something else for their lives and are ‘out there’ on the road, doing volunteer work, and having adventures in foreign countries.”

Billy and Akaisha also stated in the article that getting out there can be scary, particularly for a woman, but it’s important for single people to pursue activities that interest them, and to visit places that appeal to them, and perhaps to do volunteer work where they will meet others who volunteer.

“If you are doing activities that you love, chances are, this is the place you will find a like-minded person to accompany you through life,” they said.

In many articles I’ve read on the RetireEarlyLifestyle website, Billy and Akaisha often point out that living in other countries can be much more affordable than living in the United States.

I realize that not everyone is financially independent enough to go off traveling on their own or, to relocate to a foreign country. I realize there are lots of older singles who are struggling financially.

But, for others, if they could make their way to a country south of the border--Mexico or Central America, for example--the cost of living could be dramatically less.

That being said, in the last four paragraphs of Billy and Akaisha’s response to Pamela, they delicately point out to her that when two people can share finances, their ability to travel is enhanced. And they point out to her that because she is financially independent, she might more easily meet a man while traveling or relocating who is like-minded.

I recommend that Champs read the entire article; the points that Billy and Akaisha make are similar to the points I’ve stressed for 23 years about getting off the couch and out of the house and involved in activities one enjoys.  

True, Billy and Akaisha are talking about retirement in foreign countries, which is different than retiring and living in the USA, but many of the points they make can be applied to singles’ situations, regardless of where they live. And I particularly like the last paragraph of the article about not being stuck in a relationship due to the fear of financial freedom.

This is an excellent website to have on your reading list. You can sign up for their newsletter for free. If you’ve ever had questions about retiring early overseas, they are the experts. And, as I found out, they respond to email very quickly.

Here is the link to their website.

 

www.Retireearlylifestyle.com

 

Ocean Adventures with Jax the bottlenose dolphin

On Life and Love after 50 newsletter

 

Tom P. Blake     -     November 6-13, 2015

You wouldn’t expect that two people who grew up in Chicago and now live in San Clemente, California, would have such a deep passion for the ocean and its marine life that they would start a company to protect it. But that is what David and Pamela Jackson, in their mid-50s, have done.

Even though they are both from Chicago, they didn’t meet there. They met and married 17 years ago in southern California. Their new San Clemente-based company is called EverythingOceans. David is the CEO; Pamela is the Education Director. The company’s purpose is to help save and preserve the oceans.

Their first product, to be published November 20, is an illustrated children’s book titled, “Ocean Adventures with Jax,” which will be the first of a series. Pamela is the book’s author and Bonnie Bright is the illustrator. The book is written for children pre-Kindergarten through second grade; parents and teachers will appreciate the depth of Jax’s story.

Jax, by the way, is a smiling, powder blue, bottlenose dolphin that readers are going to fall in love with. As I previewed the book, I sure did.

Why the interest in oceans? Pamela grew up frequenting the John G. Shed Aquarium in Chicago where she became fascinated with marine life. She later moved to California to pursue her love for the oceans.

She graduated from Saddleback College in the Aquarium and Aquaculture Science Degree Program. She volunteers at public and private aquariums where she speaks and teaches people about the ocean and its inhabitants.

Pamela said, “I want to use my knowledge of the ocean’s animals to help children learn more about marine life through fun-engaging ocean adventures. If I can help children fall in love with the oceans and the animals that live there, they may grow up wanting to save them. I would like to help cultivate the next generation of ocean stewards through my stories.”

Pamela’s husband David shares her enthusiasm. He said, “It is difficult for people to understand the oceans because they cannot see what is going on underneath the waves. Pamela’s book is unique because it is written from Jax the dolphin’s point-of-view. Jax describes in the first person what he sees and feels in the ocean. There is a warm, touching story to Jax’s adventure when he gets lost, but eventually finds his way back to the pod. He befriends a humpback whale named Fluke who helps him.”

 

David and Pamela Jackson in Dana Point, CA Harbor

As I read the book, I was impressed by the clever way author Pamela weaves in life’s lessons for children to learn: listen to your parents, pay attention to your surroundings, learn tolerance and recognize the special qualities of others, value teamwork and learn to trust yourself, plus many more.

She also weaves in scientific information. For example, she explains so children can understand such things as “echolocation,” the distinct sounds like clicks, whistles, and squeaks that dolphins and whales use to communicate and identify the size and location of objects, find food, and explore their ocean worlds.

If you have a love for animals and the ocean, you are going to love this book. I predict it will become one of those children’s books that youngsters will not forget while growing up.

Pamela said, “I want children to swim through my books.”

 The “Ocean Adventures with Jax,” book will be released on Amazon.com on November 20.

 

 

 

Contact information for Pamela or David Jackson:

Everythingoceans@gmail.com.

 

Visit their Got Oceans Facebook page, which already has over 27,000 visitors.

Their website: www.EverythingOceans.com

Hats off to this San Clemente couple for dedicating themselves to saving the ocean.

On Life and Love after 50 newsletter Champs speak out

 

On life and love after 50 newsletter

 

Tom P. Blake - October 30, 2015

 

Carmen, Barra de Navidad, Mexico

One of our Champs is Carm, who I’ve known for merely 60 years. He and I were classmates at Jackson High School, Jackson, Michigan.

Carm lives a good share of the year in Barra de Navidad, Mexico, which is a couple of hours south of Puerto Vallarata, right on the Pacific Coast. Last week, we exchanged emails on Friday. Carm wrote, “The storm (hurricane Patricia) seems to have mellowed some, but it’s supposed to hit 50 miles north of here at 5 p.m. this afternoon. Gees.”

I responded, “Stay buttoned down, it’s going to get windy.”

On Monday, after the storm, Carm’s email subject line sounded like a divorce settlement: “Lost my garden to Patricia, but the house is OK.”

Then he wrote, “Lots of damage in Barra. Landfall was 15 miles north of here. All restaurants are down. Banana plantations flattened for 30 miles. We had no electricity (no A/C overnight) for three days. Exciting stuff. But we’re OK.”

Art, Margate, Florida

Older couples who aren’t married can still have wonderful lives together. Art is a good example. He wrote:

“I am in a relationship, but am still single at the same time. I have done lots of Internet dating since my wife passed eight years ago, and when I see people struggling with the single world, I like to help where I can.

“I met Joanie, my lady friend, on POF (Plenty of Fish) two and a half years ago, and we have dated exclusively since. We are going on our sixth cruise in two weeks, and have plans to visit Las Vegas in December. We both wear rings with the Infinity sign on them as a symbol of our commitment to each other.

“We are active together on weekends, and we each have busy separate lives during the week. Joanie belongs to several groups with women, and I volunteer with a Hospice organization three to four days a week. We belong to the same gym, and try to work out together several times a week.

“During these eight years, I have dated 35 to 40 women, mostly meet and greet dates, but 12 to 15 for a longer time. One of the women I dated a long time was another of your Champs, a lovely woman who introduced me to your newsletter.”

George, and Mareah, San Francisco

Another couple who has dated for a long time but who are not married, are George and Mareah. George sent a response to last week’s newsletter:

“In reference to Becky's lament about the cost of the "Little Blue Pill" at $44.00 per pill - there is a much less expensive approach to solving the problem and is equally effective for men and women. Admittedly, it doesn't work at the same velocity as Viagra, requiring a regiment that demands faithful scheduling over a period of time (just like accupuncture works, but it's not a quickie either, helps me, and I'm 75.

“Dr. Louis J. Ignarro was awarded the 1998 Nobel Prize in Medicine for his discovery that Nitiric Oxide (NO), a signaling molecule produced organically, is a vasodilator and helps control blood flow to every part of the body. The first practical application of Dr. Ignarro's research led to the development of Viagra.

 “Dr Ignarro authored the book "NO More Heart Disease...a proven program for boosting production of the body's own wonder drug." ISBN 0-312-33581-4 St. Martin's Press - it's available through Amazon Books at a very reasonable cost.

“The therapy defined in his book is equally effective and beneficial for both men and women. However, it does take time to repair the ravages of time and requires faithfully following the regimen in his book. The supplements he names can be purchased over-the-counter at any local health-food/vitamin store or via the internet. It took time, but it works for me and I'm 75 years.

Gina, Long Beach, California

“One City, One Backpack, 5 days”

We read about Champ Gina recently. She’s the 50 year-old who is traveling on her own. She’s been to New York City and Vancouver, B.C. This week, she reports from Cheyenne, Wyoming.

“Creating romance while traveling alone! I am sitting at a bistro table for two, sipping a chocolate martini in a lovely restaurant/bar. I will have dinner and I asked to be seated close to the Karaoke Stage. First day of another episode of One City, One Backpack 5 days! I chose a Historic Town and Hotel. Cheyenne Wyoming.”

And then Gina added later, “I just found out about this town (Buford, Wyoming) this week from a guy in a bar in Wyoming. I thought he was making this up. He said I just have to go there and fill up at the gas station and get a cup of coffee! So what better place to see on a solo journey than a town with a population of one?! I went in to the little store and saw a guy sitting behind the counter. I said "Are you the one?" He smiled and said "Yes ma'am !" Now before you get too excited...the original "one" sold the place to a guy in Vietnam. This guy is running the business and he let me know he has a wife.

Odds and Ends

-      My partner Greta loves movies. Me less so. But last Saturday, we went to “Bridge of Spies,” a Steven Spielberg movie starring Tom Hanks. One word: Incredible.  Possible Oscars for Hanks and Spielberg.

-      Champ Carolyn Cornelius emailed me that she was having trouble ordering my first book, “Middle Aged and Dating Again,” from a website. I told her if she ordered it directly from me instead, I would autograph it for her, and ship it via priority mail so she would have it within 3 days.

-   And I said I would charge her $10 for the book. She ordered it through my Pay Pal account. Carolyn is a great Champ so I included my second book, “Finding Love after 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do,” also autographed, as a bonus. She was pretty excited about that, which she posted on Facebook.

-      I will make a similar offer to all Champs. If anyone would like autographed copies of two of my dating books, I will autograph them and ship them via priority mail for a total of $12.00. If you are interested, email me and we will work out the details. I will be out of town from November 3 -6, so keep that in mind. To view my 3 dating books, visit the Finding Love After 60.com bookstore page. This is the link: www.findingloveafter60.com and click on the bookstore tab at the top of the page.

-      Email me at tompblake@gmail.com.

Senior intimacy issues - senior sex

On life and love after 50 newsletter

by Tom P. Blake  - October 23, 2015

A Champ in her 60s we will call Becky, not her true name, emailed this week. She had read the two recent newsletters about chemistry, particularly the comments from Champs who were in relationships that initially had no chemistry, but where chemistry kicked in after a period of time. That happened to her. Senior sex just arrived later for her.

But Becky also wanted to share that even when chemistry is present in older couples, there still can be intimacy issues that couples may need to deal with.

Before getting into Becky’s “intimacy-issues” comments, a little background on her: She said, “Single since November 2011, I've tried various websites, meetup groups, divorcee gatherings, took many international trips, and asked friends if they knew of any eligible, nice, and somewhat healthy middle-aged men.

“But after dating/meeting casually for 3 1/2 years, I wondered why I spent so much time conversing/meeting men. Was it true that nice divorced men were all taken? Of course not, but it felt that way. I truly had given up.

“I thought I could be a great partner to the right person, but wasn't willing to move or negotiate on what a potential partner could or couldn't provide. I mentioned in my on-line profile that I wanted to be ‘friends-first’ with someone. Most of the men I had previously met wanted ‘everything’ by date one or two

“In April, I met a man who lives 15 miles from me. And being ‘friends-first’ is  what he decided to do. We dated about 16 times before he gave me a kiss on the lips. I thought he wasn't attracted to me. I thought he just wanted an activity friend and nothing further. I wasn't a runner and he had told me he wanted a girlfriend who ran.

“Chemistry came later. It became true for me that even in one's 60's, things can move relatively slow and still develop into something amazing. I was looking for a loving, caring relationship, and I found such.”

Becky’s comments about intimacy

So, Becky and her runner boyfriend had progressed from the “just-friends” stage to the intimacy stage. But that doesn’t automatically mean they are making whoopee every night, as Becky explained.

She said, “There are differences as we age in our physical attractiveness, intimacy needs, etc. Aging couples do not talk openly about erectile dysfunction or female issues. When you are younger you snicker at the commercials on television or internet, but then you are in that age group and these things happen.

“As a former pediatric nurse practitioner, I wasn't up-to-date with how intimacy changes as we age. But, now I'm living with it and find that 50% or more of men in their upper 50/60's have some sort of ED and need assistance. The price for the pills is not covered by Medicare or insurance. Sometimes the pharmaceutical manufacture will provide a short-term rebate, but otherwise, around $44 is the cost for the little blue pill.

“Baby boomers want to live their remaining years attempting to do things they used to, but, our aging bodies change and sometimes men or women need to resort to using pharmaceutical drugs with a high price. Pharmaceutical ads specifically state that there are lots of forgery drugs being offered in the states, Mexico and Canada, but there doesn't seem to be long-term financial assistance to purchase such medications in the USA. Not everyone is wealthy.

“I just wanted to share as I had never given much thought about intimacy, potential problems, and solutions until recently. We are happy we found each other and he is very verbally appreciative of my understanding with his intermittent problems.”

Becky concluded: “Actually, I don't see this as a problem as we have been able to work around this very well. It is a learning curve. When you start to ‘date’ again in your late 50's or 60's or older, just be aware and sensitive to male/female sexual issues, but - heaven's - don't throw in the towel. It is just another stepping stone in gaining knowledge about the aging process.”

I applaud Becky for bringing this subject up. It is a fact of life. Although I tend to tiptoe around this subject, as a Champ we’ll call Oscar Meyer pointed out three weeks ago, I will say this: “I have never taken the ‘little blue pill,’ or any similar pills that claim to achieve the similar results--not that they wouldn’t be helpful--but when you hear those TV commercials stating the possible side effects, I prefer to find other creative solutions to the older-male dilemma.

By creative solutions, I don’t mean standing on my head and whistling “Dixie.” Nor do I mean having a snake charmer play the pungi (flute-like instrument) as is done to get the cobra to rise out of the basket.  

However, electrical appliances can work wonders. (One woman responded, if it comes to that, I give up on sex). Too bad, she's missing out.